Tag Archives: personal growth

Independence

While my neighbors were busy blowing shit up and lighting things on fire, I thought it would be a good opportunity to sit and reflect on things.  It’s been a year since my breakup and I’m single and loving it (for the most part).   My current status doesn’t look like it’s going to change anytime soon, and prospects are nil since I jettisoned online dating.  (Good riddance).

A fellow blogger is preparing an anthology on handling breakups and recently asked for my thoughts on the subject.  I’ve been rejected countless times, but I’m 4-0 when it comes to dumping vs. being dumped…although it was a close call with Rebecca.  I ended up blocking her on Facebook.  I’ve tried being friends with exes in the past, but it never seems to work.  I don’t think I’ll bother trying in the future.  Cutting off all contact seems to be way forward, otherwise it’s hard to move on.

I was supposed to go on my first Meetup in months this past weekend, now that work has calmed down and I have free time again.  I’ve been absolutely killing it at work this year.  The past two months were my biggest months ever, financially.  I’m on track to make 10-15K more than I did last year, and my goal is to earn a similar increase next year as well.  I’ve certainly worked long and hard enough for this and my efforts are finally paying off.

However, the Meetup – a group hike on the beach – was canceled due to questionable weather and nesting piping plovers.  Better luck next time.  There are plenty of other upcoming Meetups and I’ve already signed up for goat yoga (which is the latest craze).  I’m not really into yoga, but who doesn’t love baby goats?  Besides, it looks like a lot of fun.

In the meantime I continue to work on myself and do my own thing.  I’ve made progress on some of the items listed in my last post.  I booked my trip to California in September.  I bought a new car.  I donated four bags of clothes and picked up some new ones.  My new bed is on the way.  Half my living room is full of stuff for a garage sale.  I completed a couple more landscaping projects around the house. I’m even looking ahead to October and planning a Halloween party.

And while I’ve been slacking on the blog front (namely Descent Into Dadness), my journal is still going strong.  There are some sizable gaps here and there, but I try to write in it every day and it’s been going strong for 25 years.  That’s right, it goes all the way back to 1992.  I’m still in the process of transcribing all my handwritten entries into one big Microsoft Word file.  At last count I have over 1.5 million words – the equivalent of two Bibles.

It’s a real trip going back and reading old entries.  One of my favorite things to do is read entries from the same day last year, then five and even ten years ago.  It’s interesting to see what’s changed.  One thing I have noticed is a greater maturity of expression than I had two or three years ago.  I give more thought to what I say now and how others may perceive it.  And while I’m still a raging horndog, I don’t converse about sex and dating as much as I used to.  I cringe reading some of my old online conversations.

Anyway, that’s about it for now.  I’m busy doing my own thing these days (as if I know anything else).  I’m excited for the summer and all the possibilities it holds.

Stay tuned.

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Growth

I’ve grown a lot over the past year: personally, professionally… but not physically, unfortunately.  I’ve been working so hard that I’ve lost most of my gains.  But I’ll be able to rectify that now that I have new equipment that will cut down on my time and effort.

The growth in my business excites me the most.  I started doing landscaping jobs on the side for extra cash when the real estate market went south a few years back.  I never imagined that it would morph into my new full-time job.  Had I known that would happen, I would have developed a business plan.  Instead I found myself working very hard for very long and for very little.  I struggled with inadequate tools, I didn’t know the most efficient way to do things, and I had no idea what to charge.  Quite frankly, I just didn’t know what I was doing.  It took me a long time to learn some very obvious and painful lessons.

The most important lessons I learned were knowing my worth and knowing when to say no.  After I got a handle on those things and developed a plan, my business really turned around.  I took on a whole slate of new customers, my income went up, and I’m finally afforded the opportunity to do things I’ve wanted to do.

One of those things is traveling.  I spent a weekend in Virginia.  I went to Chicago and meet JBlondie.  And then there was California.  California was a big deal for me.   I’ve spent weekends away, but that was first time I got on a plane and actually went somewhere for several days on a real vacation.  And I’m only getting started.  I’m definitely going back to California, and over the next few months I have stops planned in Florida, North Carolina, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Colorado.  So take note, any of you fellow bloggers, if I’m headed to your part of the country and you’re interested in meeting The Unfortunate Virgin Male…

This has been a year of changes and firsts:  New traveling and experiences. Major business expansion.  Bought a second vehicle.  Added another instrument to my repertoire.  Next week I’m joining a new dance group.  This past weekend I hosted friends at my place for the first time.  I took care of some long-standing projects around the house.  I’m even getting some new furniture!  Go me.  And I feel that even more exciting things await in the months ahead.

I’ve been feeling especially good about myself lately, so I felt the time was right to get back out there.  Yes, back out in the dating market.  Back to good ol’ OKC, the bastion of all my prior success (to use the term loosely).  Actually, my recent success is partly to blame for my troubles as I’ve been isolated in a work bubble for so long.  Construction, real estate, landscaping… it was hard enough to encounter anybody my age working in those fields, let alone anyone of the opposite sex.

The only time in my life that I had girlfriends was when I was in school – when I was in contact with a large number of my peers.  When school ended I lost all of that, and then I put my nose to the grindstone and didn’t look back.  My early 20s was a freewheeling period of not looking and not caring whether I found love or sex.  I was young and reminded myself that there was plenty of time for that later on.  But then I got into my late 20s – around the advent of this blog – and realized, “um, shit, I’m getting left behind here…”

I’ve been a real late bloomer, and things are proving tougher than I thought.  It doesn’t help that I’m coming up against girls who have at least several years of experience on me.  My last relationship was at 17, so I feel like I’m only 18 or 19 in dating years.  It’s a bit of a weird place to be when you’re 30.  But I’m in a better place than I was.  Now that I have some distance I’ve been reflecting on my dating storm from last year.  Now I feel like I can approach dating with a little more self-assurance and confidence than before.  Not that I ever felt I was lacking in confidence, but I’m at a point where – if a girl says “we can be friends” – I can stand tall and say, “no that’s not what I want.”  Because it isn’t.

Aside from that I’m just trying to go with the flow and not think too far ahead.  I still feel like this could be my year, though.

I’m also getting a little behind on my blog.  Things have been happening since I started writing this post, things I must update you all on.

Talk soon…

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