Tag Archives: online dating

Independence

While my neighbors were busy blowing shit up and lighting things on fire, I thought it would be a good opportunity to sit and reflect on things.  It’s been a year since my breakup and I’m single and loving it (for the most part).   My current status doesn’t look like it’s going to change anytime soon, and prospects are nil since I jettisoned online dating.  (Good riddance).

A fellow blogger is preparing an anthology on handling breakups and recently asked for my thoughts on the subject.  I’ve been rejected countless times, but I’m 4-0 when it comes to dumping vs. being dumped…although it was a close call with Rebecca.  I ended up blocking her on Facebook.  I’ve tried being friends with exes in the past, but it never seems to work.  I don’t think I’ll bother trying in the future.  Cutting off all contact seems to be way forward, otherwise it’s hard to move on.

I was supposed to go on my first Meetup in months this past weekend, now that work has calmed down and I have free time again.  I’ve been absolutely killing it at work this year.  The past two months were my biggest months ever, financially.  I’m on track to make 10-15K more than I did last year, and my goal is to earn a similar increase next year as well.  I’ve certainly worked long and hard enough for this and my efforts are finally paying off.

However, the Meetup – a group hike on the beach – was canceled due to questionable weather and nesting piping plovers.  Better luck next time.  There are plenty of other upcoming Meetups and I’ve already signed up for goat yoga (which is the latest craze).  I’m not really into yoga, but who doesn’t love baby goats?  Besides, it looks like a lot of fun.

In the meantime I continue to work on myself and do my own thing.  I’ve made progress on some of the items listed in my last post.  I booked my trip to California in September.  I bought a new car.  I donated four bags of clothes and picked up some new ones.  My new bed is on the way.  Half my living room is full of stuff for a garage sale.  I completed a couple more landscaping projects around the house. I’m even looking ahead to October and planning a Halloween party.

And while I’ve been slacking on the blog front (namely Descent Into Dadness), my journal is still going strong.  There are some sizable gaps here and there, but I try to write in it every day and it’s been going strong for 25 years.  That’s right, it goes all the way back to 1992.  I’m still in the process of transcribing all my handwritten entries into one big Microsoft Word file.  At last count I have over 1.5 million words – the equivalent of two Bibles.

It’s a real trip going back and reading old entries.  One of my favorite things to do is read entries from the same day last year, then five and even ten years ago.  It’s interesting to see what’s changed.  One thing I have noticed is a greater maturity of expression than I had two or three years ago.  I give more thought to what I say now and how others may perceive it.  And while I’m still a raging horndog, I don’t converse about sex and dating as much as I used to.  I cringe reading some of my old online conversations.

Anyway, that’s about it for now.  I’m busy doing my own thing these days (as if I know anything else).  I’m excited for the summer and all the possibilities it holds.

Stay tuned.

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Feelings

I’ve kept a positive, upbeat outlook over the course of this blog, but I was in the doldrums a while ago.  Just a little bit.  It’s passed now.  Part of it was standard winter blues, but another part was my perpetual singleness.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy with myself and my life.  I don’t need “my other half” or someone to complete me. But I want more.  I want someone to share the good things in life with.  Food.  Drink.  Laughter.  Music.  Travel.  Sex.  Just to name a few.

For a short while – nearly two glorious months – I got a taste of what that was like.  I had sex (some of it).  I lost my virginity.  I finally felt like I was in the know, part of the club, part of the world, “normal.”  I stopped feeling those pangs when I saw couples.  I did things that come so easily to most people:  hugging, kissing, cuddling, massaging, holding hands, or just sitting on beach watching the sunset – things other people take for granted.  Until I slept with Rebecca a few times, I had no idea just how warm another human body could be.

Now it’s been ten months.  I couldn’t help but peek at her Facebook and I saw she’s been with the same guy for the past eight months.  Oh really.  So what happened to all that jazz about not wanting to date and wanting to focus on herself?   What happened to her being too upset to even think about guys after the last breakup?  What happened to not wanting to be exclusive?  How come she didn’t push him away and sabotage things like she did with me?  What was my problem?

Well, let that be a lesson to me.  Next time I hear that stuff, I’ll know what it really means. Girls seem to have a really complicated way of saying “I’m not interested (anymore).”  But whatever.  I’m leaving her in the past where she belongs.  I’m doing my best to not to dwell on negative thoughts and remain forward-looking.  Therefore I’ve been filling up my time with hobbies and activities to keep my mind on other things.

I’ve been hitting the gym hardcore for the past three months.  It’s a great outlet for my pent up sexual energy and frustrations.  I continue to set personal records in deadlifts, squats, and bench presses.  I’ve stacked three, four, or even five 45lb plates on the weight sled and pushed it back and forth across the floor until my legs gave out and my arms shook.  My buddy and I tried a class last weekend that nearly wiped us out.  But my body is responding and I’m tipping the scales at 187 pounds – a number I dreamed about for years.

The gym is not my only arena of success these days.  I’ve been out there marketing myself and I gained ten new clients, so this should be my best year financially.  I had a great parade season and a triumphant return to solo performing.  I’m practicing several instruments a week and I sound better than ever. (I find playing music as cathartic as going to the gym.) My passport arrived and I’m planning some more travel.  And I’m giving my life a complete overhaul – new car, clothes, furniture, appliances – everything.

Throughout all of this I’ve had Bumble running in the background.  The last app standing.  There was that one awkward date a couple months ago, and since then I canceled on two more because I’d decided I’d rather go to the gym instead.  I just used the always popular, vague line of “something came up.”  I felt a bit shitty doing it, but deep down I felt those dates would have ended up like all the others, so why bother?

But there was one final Bumble date.  I tried to keep the online chatter light and flirty and save all the getting-to-know-you questions for in-person.  As Matthew Hussey says, “if you’re using texting to ask, ‘How many brothers and sisters do you have?’… you’re doing it wrong.”  So I gave that a shot, but it didn’t matter.  Once again I met a girl who checked out of the conversation after five minutes and I was the only one left making an effort.

I’d talk, I’d ask questions, she’d respond… and I’d wait.  Nothing.  Nothing asked about myself in return.  Scratch that – she asked literally two questions, almost as afterthoughts:  what was my job, and did I live alone?  When I realized she kept glancing at her phone on top of her purse on the chair next to her, I bade her farewell.  I know a lost cause when I see one.  And thus concludes my online dating efforts.  Permanently.

After so many years, I’ve come to conclusion that it’s a supreme waste of time.  There’s always the anecdotal success story, but I could never get it to work for me.  It never felt right – always forced and awkward and unnatural.  Personal experience and informal polling of friends and fellow bloggers tells me that meeting people in real life is the way to go.  Not to mention that I had more success with Rebecca than all the girls I met online put together.

Now that spring is finally here I’m compiling a bucket list, which includes several upcoming Meetups.  I’m trying to get to that same sweet spot I was in last year, where I found the perfect balance of doing my own thing and not worrying about finding someone.  Then BAM, it literally happened when I least expected it.  In the meantime I feel I’ve grown content with the status quo again.

I also continue to work on myself.  It’s almost comical… I’ve had thirty years to work on myself – how much more time do I need?  There’s always room for improvement, I guess, like with my conversation skills.  That’s partly why I’ve been filling up my calendar with things to do – gives me shit to talk about.  I’m doing my best to be more social and to fight reverting back to my natural introverted state.

So I guess that’s all I have to say for the time being.  I’ve had this blog post drafted for weeks and weeks and I kept revisiting and revising as my thoughts and feelings ebbed and flowed.  Now I’m finally ready to publish, and we’ll see what happens next in life.

Stay tuned.

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Awkward

That could have gone better.

I keep swearing I’m done with online dating, but I’ve had Bumble running in the background all this time.  So I’m still swiping through, matching with a bunch and chatting with a few.   Recently there were these two girls of Irish descent, but apart from a shared love of our heritage I wasn’t sure what else we really had in common.  However they seemed keenly interested in me, and I’m fairly confident in my abilities now, so I decided to take each of them out.  Not to mention it’s been two months since I’d been on a date and I wanted to keep the engine warm.

I unmatched with Girl No. 1 because she was too much of a fussbucket with her schedule.  She said between 4:30 and 6:30 on weekdays was best for her – after that she had to be home with her dog and she “wasn’t great at going out on school nights.”  Then she said she was busy on the weekends.  Good lord.  Next.  Not to mention she lived 30 miles away.  Had she lived closer I might have tried to accommodate her, but it seemed more trouble than it was worth.

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Onto Girl No. 2.  The subject of burgers came up, so our first date was a no-brainer.  However, like Girl No. 1 she also lived 30 miles away, so I gallantly offered to drive to her area.  She arrived just before I did and I met her inside the door.  I approached the date with trepidation since her pictures didn’t include a clear full-body shot, but I was relieved when I saw her.  She was hotter in person than I expected – so much so that it made me a little nervous.

Unfortunately she didn’t seem as impressed with me.  Things got awkward.  While our online banter was light and fun and a touch flirty, our real life conversation was anything but.  I kept tripping over my words, and then I found myself second-guessing having food on a first date. I seemed to have a mouthful whenever I wanted to speak, and she would silently wait for me to swallow each time.  It also didn’t help that we had little in common (as I suspected). Try as I might to keep things going, I had no choice but to fall back onto the staid topics of work/school/family and “what do you do for fun?”  Zzzz.

She was clearly restless by the end of the hour. Jimmy legs under the table and fidgeting all over the place, plus a couple of glances at her phone.  Then I choked on my last bit of drink.  Once again she sat there in silence watching me splutter and whack myself on the back.  My airway finally cleared a couple minutes later, by which time my eyes were streaming and I’d accidentally knocked a couple of condiment bottles to the floor.  More awkwardness.  I cut my losses and called it a night.  The date was not salvageable and I was making a horse’s ass of myself.

I walked her outside, said “nice meeting you,” gave her a hug good night and we went our separate ways.  I kicked myself all the way back to my car.  A bit of forced awkwardness is inherent in online dating, but what the hell was that?  I’ve had some bad dates in the beginning, but after further experience and then losing my virginity, I didn’t think I’d ever again end up feeling like the dog who caught the car.  Better luck next time – along with a little more vetting.

When my friend Don heard I went on another date, he shook his head and said, “Man, that’s gotta be rough on you.”  I thought he was referring to my multitude of rejections, but he was referring to my wallet.  He assumed I was treating all these girls to expensive dinners, and when he found out I wasn’t he said, “Dude, no wonder you’re struggling then!”

Yeah…no.  I’ve done a few dinners on first dates, but it’s ridiculous to splash out on every first date when you don’t even know if there’s a connection yet. If you don’t like someone, you don’t like someone.  Spending 45+ bucks on a meal isn’t going to change things, and even if it did then why would I want to be with someone like that?   But had I listened to him I’d still have the same string of bad dates, except now I’d be out 2-3 times the money.

Then again, it made sense for him because he never went on online dates.  He met all his girls in real life and actually ended up marrying the one next door.  I’m still trying to go on real-life dates myself.  It’s a completely different dynamic (and how I finally found success).  But I haven’t met anyone else that way yet.

I’ve been to some more Habitat for Humanity builds, where I ran into the same two girls from last time and confirmed they indeed have boyfriends.  Of course.  I’ve been on a few more hikes through Meetup, but the ages skewed into the 40s and 50s.  I’m also busy gearing up for the St. Patrick’s Day season.  Eight parades, two parties, one music session, and my first solo performance in two years.  I’ve been practicing like crazy and I’m finally returning to the open mic circuit next month.  I’ll see some old faces there and hopefully some new ones as well.  And finally, I’ve applied for a passport and it should be here any day now.  I’m still working my way around the lower 48, but I want to start exploring internationally as well.  Good stuff.

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Ghost

I was stood up again tonight.  I’d have to go back and look at my date counter to make sure, but this is the fourth or fifth time it’s happened.  Those were all OKC girls; this one was from Tinder.  We’d been trying to set up a date for a couple of weeks, but things kept getting in the way.  Once Thanksgiving was over we were finally able to schedule something.

I confirmed with her the day of to make sure that we were still on.  She said yes, definitely, and that she was excitedly looking forward to it.  Cool beans.  However, we were supposed to meet at 5:30 and I was alone.  Fifteen minutes later and there was still no sign or sound from her.  She didn’t respond to my texted inquiries, and after 20 minutes I shrugged and made myself comfortable inside.

The best part was that I had zero fucks to give.  In the past I pulled my hair out in frustration whenever girls pulled this nonsense.  Now I couldn’t care less.  It just rolls right off my back.  Better yet, I got to cross another item off my to-do list tonight.  Our first date was to be at a burger joint.  We had a mutual love of burgers (not a vegan chick – yes!) and I selected a place I’d always wanted to go to.  That ensured I’d have a good time either way.

And I had a good time indeed chowing down on a double burger.  Between that and the soda and fries it ran me 16 bucks, but it was pretty filling.  The only downside was that it was greasy as hell, soaking right through the bun.  That explained why they had not napkins but paper towel dispensers at the tables.  Don’t know if I’ll be going back there.

I crossed another item off my list over the weekend.  My family and I went into the city to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular.  I’d never seen it before, and it was spectacular indeed.  Wow.  I kinda want to go see it again now.  And I definitely want to go back into the city.  There’s a lot of cool stuff there I want to check out.  You know you’re from Long Island when you live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world and hardly ever visit.

So now I’m making another list of shit to do, just in NYC.  Skating in Central Park (or Bryant Park, since I saw they have a rink there too), Carnegie Deli before they close for good, see the tree in Rockefeller Center, see Grand Central Station, maybe even see the Tonight Show…and a few others I can’t think of at the moment.  But let’s see how many I can accomplish before the year’s end.  And there’s something else I may be going into the city for in a couple of weeks, which involves another blogger.  I’ll keep you posted on that.

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Icebreaker

So… I went on my first date in five months.

In my last post I was indiscriminately swiping right on Bumble (and then Tinder) just to see who I matched with.  Then I starting swiping just for girls I was actually interested in.  This time I engaged them in conversation – or tried to.  Talking to most of them was like talking to the wall.  One word/one sentence answers, and nothing asked about myself in return.  I deleted each one and moved onto the next.

I finally managed to get something of a rapport going with this one girl, and we set up a game of chess for a first date.  All right, something different.  However, I had a funny feeling so I started the countdown.  Right on cue, she canceled the day before saying she forgot she was supposed to help her sister move.  I just said “no problem, let me know when is good for you.”  I didn’t expect to hear back (since I never do) and I was right.  And I don’t even care anymore when they flake out.  Losing my virginity has enhanced my IDGAF abilities.

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Then I chatted up another girl.  We went on yet another goddamn coffee date.  I’d sworn those off, but this time I thought it was a good idea to start small before investing in something more involved.    Good call.  Things got off to a slow start and ended up feeling forced and awkward.  It seemed like we were both just prodding the conversation along, and after an hour she called it a night.  She was actually yawning prior to that.  Either she was really tired or I was really boring, or both.

Outside I gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek and said it was nice to meet her.  Then we said good night and parted ways. I said nothing about getting together again, nor did I follow up with her afterwards.  I already knew what I would hear – the usual “oh I had a nice time and you’re a funny/interesting guy but I just don’t feel any sort of connection etc etc.”  So that was that.  But it was nice to get back in the game, even if I’m feeling a bit rusty.  I’m not really putting effort into online dating anymore, nor am I taking it very seriously.

Some of you have asked me “what are you looking for?” and I’d always struggled to answer that question.  How was I supposed to know when I had so little experience to draw upon?  And I’d always thought it unfair for some girls to reject me when they’d barely gotten to know me.  But now I get it.  The way things felt and flowed with Rebecca is my new benchmark going forward.  So if I do go on another online date, it won’t be unless I’m really feeling things.

Otherwise I’m busy doing my own thing and getting out in the real world.  I recently spent an hour on Meetup joining a slew of new groups and I went on my second outing last weekend.  It was another hike and we had over 20 people, but the vast majority were in their 40s and 50s. There were a couple of girls around my age in attendance, but one of them showed up with her boyfriend and another guy had already swooped in on the other by the time I arrived.

I watched with the tiniest tinge of jealousy as they exchanged phone numbers afterwards.  Not because I was attracted to her, but it was just the very idea.  I’ve always marveled at how dating and relating comes so easy to some people.  Some can date a different person every week, or every night of the week if they wanted, and they have no shortage of options.  They go from one to relationship to the next as easy as breathing.  How do they do it?  And how can I get there?   Not that I want to go through a revolving door of girls, but how do I achieve that same ease of attraction?  It’s something I’m still figuring out as I go along.

Some of you are frustrated virgins as I once was, trying to figure out your own way forward.  The best thing for you to do right now is to just work on yourself.  That can be as simple as picking up a new hobby or cultivating an existing one.  Good skills give you social currency.  Girls like confidence… except maybe you don’t feel confident.  But if you can find confidence simply in doing something well – whatever it may be – then that’s just as beneficial.  It’s why I devote so much time to my music and dancing and other pursuits.  At the very least, your hobbies will give you shit to talk about, especially if you find someone who shares your passions.  So if you don’t know where to start, that’s a good place.

A good analogy for me is this: say you want to develop your abs…  Now, you can spend an inordinate amount of time concentrating on your midsection, doing hundreds of crunches trying to spot reduce your belly fat.  Or you can work your whole body, targeting the major muscle groups with compound exercises.  If you do that and concentrate on your diet, then your abs will almost take care of themselves.  So if you’re struggling on dates or to even get dates, take a step back and date yourself for a while.  It’s an indirect way of achieving the same end.

Apart from my renewed Meetup activities I’ve also started volunteering at the animal sanctuary, the one my old friend is at.  We started super early at 7:30 AM.  On Sunday.  Ugh.  Kill me.  But we were the first two there and I was glad for the chance to talk to her alone as we fed and watered the alpacas and turkeys.  Then our conversation was interrupted by a father/daughter duo who showed up to volunteer as well, and will be joining us every weekend.  Of course.  Not that it really matters, because I’m pretty sure she’s still with the boyfriend.  And even if she’s not, she’s militantly vegan and our lifestyles would clash horribly.  But I’m there to spend time with the animals more than anything else.

Later that same day Vegan Girl posted some animal pics to my Facebook, and as always my friend Don was right there commenting on her post and asking her questions.  Every time a girl leaves me a comment, or vice versa, he sees it in his news feed and he jumps right in with his two cents, stepping all over my dick in the process.  It’s annoying as shit.  I’m afraid the time has come to block him, especially now that he’s mining my friend list for more girls to add. He already has a thousand as it is.

In a way, I almost have to give him credit – even if he did hit on my sister Mary (who’s ten years older and looked at him as if he were a bug).  He leaves absolutely no stone unturned, but I guess he has to when he’s the weirdest and most socially awkward person ever.  I stopped dining out with him because last time he was staring creepily at random girls and blowing straw wrappers at them.  He actually thought he was being flirty.  *facepalm*  (Another bit of advice for you virgins: don’t be like Don.)  Yet somehow he finally managed to lose his virginity too.  And get this – he did it a full two years before I did.  How in the fuck.  I’m still trying to process that.

So that’s the round up.  I’ve also made up a list of things to do and places to see, which has now grown to two pages.  So far I’ve crossed off a good number of items.  Most of it is just fun silly shit, but I consider them accomplishments nonetheless.  I’ll detail them all when I do my end of year post.

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Resurrection

Spring has arrived and it’s dating season once more.  I’m searching on OKC again and my inexhaustible supply of matches continues to astound me.  I can only imagine how many more I’d have if I lived in the city as opposed to the suburbs.

I felt like hot shit when I triple-booked Tuesday.  That’s right, I had three dates lined up.  Then one by one they all canceled.  This one had to drive her sister someplace, this one was with her mom at the hospital, this one had a quiz to study for… Two of them made noises about rescheduling, but the ball’s in their court.  I told them to let me know when is good for them and I left it at that.  In the meantime I’m moving on with my search.

I did score two dates over the weekend, though:

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This one I reeled in via one of my let’s-see-if-this-gets-a-response messages.  She wrote back and before long we exchanged numbers and started texting.  The conversation got better and better until we agreed that we had to meet.  A date was set for Saturday night at a crepe place.  We were just as excited about meeting as we were at the prospect of food.

I was positive that we would hit it off and I had a really good feeling about things, but she telegraphed her disinterest the second she walked into the door.  I hadn’t even stood up or said one word yet.  I gave her a hug which she weakly reciprocated, and we took a seat after ordering our food.

Things were just totally off.  I did my best to engage with her, but despite our shared dance background (we’d even attended the same school) I just couldn’t get a conversation going.  I went from topic to topic.  Nothing.  Of course, it would have helped if she had participated.  She gave me one-sentence answers and then silence, punctuated by glances at her phone or around the shop.  She didn’t ask me a single question about myself, even when I volunteered information. Talking to the wall would have been more productive.

No sooner had I taken my last bite did she start pulling on her coat.  “Well, you’re putting on your jacket so I guess that means you’re ready to leave,” I said dryly.  We’d only been there for 40 minutes.

“Yeah,” she said.  “I’m sorry, I’m just not feeling this.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” she grimaced at me.  “There’s just something about you I can’t put my finger on.”  She paused.  “You’re kinda nerdy, I guess.  Too straight-edge for me.  And the way you’re dressed…”  This coming from the girl wearing a basic sweater and jeans and next to no makeup.  Meanwhile I thought I looked pretty good.  I wore the same jeans and flannel I wore when I met Emma, and she said I looked good.

“What’s wrong with the way I’m dressed?” Well, she didn’t like that I was wearing sneakers, going so far as to put her head under the table to look at them.  What the fuck.  This was the problem?  Was I supposed to put on dress shoes to eat crepes?   Now I was getting really annoyed, and I was right on her heels to leave.  When we were outside I just said goodbye and that was it.  So… yeah.  That was pretty disappointing.  And I just couldn’t get over the disconnect between the girl I talked to online and the one I met in person.

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This one was actually on Easter.  I’ll call her California Girl.  She’s only in NY for a year for her graduate program and she’s going back to California in August.  She’s more of an outdoorsy type so I suggested a walk through the nature preserve.  When she arrived I took Gratuitous Rex’s advice to dispense with the hugging and just grasp her hand and kiss her on the cheek instead.  However she seemed totally caught off guard and I got her on the ear instead of her cheek.  Woo.  Awkward.

I turned her attention to the ducks clustered nearby, but they weren’t interested in the lettuce I brought.  Damn.  Awkward on two fronts now.  So I gave up on my web-footed friends and led her through the park instead.  Once we got past that rough beginning things went a little more smoothly.  And what a difference from the previous night. CG actually knew how to participate in a conversation.  Quite refreshing.

We toured the preserve, discussing the differences between NY and CA, swapping online dating stories, talking about our jobs, and then we found a giant orb in the middle of a field.  Upon closer inspection we found a slit in the side and an inscription:  “Cartas al Cielo.” Letters to the Sky.  A celestial mailbox for delivering messages to the heavens. We each wrote something and put it inside.  I’d say that was a pretty cool find.

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We were there for almost two hours before calling it a day.  She wants to explore as much of NY as she can while she’s here and she said she was open to another outdoor adventure with me.  However I got the impression that I was completely friend zoned.  She showed zero interest in anything beyond that, so if we do get together again that’s all it’ll be.  It just sucks because I found her really attractive and easy to talk to.  Even though I was nervous and tongue tied some of the time… just can’t seem to get past that no matter how many dates I go on.

 

First dates:  32
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  10
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 2

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Bumble

I just went on my first Tinder date.  She was a 29yo kickboxing instructor and aspiring teacher, and pretty cute.   I’ve been on Tinder for a week and I have 30 matches so far.  Half of them haven’t responded to my messages.  Conversations with the other half didn’t go anywhere but I did make some headway with The Kickboxer.  I even experimented by dropping in a few flirty/suggestive remarks, which seemed to go over well.  Then I saw an opening when she said she moved here from out of town, “but it’s a long story.”

“I’d like to hear it,” I said.  “How about over drinks?”

She accepted.  Game on.  We spent two hours sitting and talking over food and beer.  Eventually I ended up in the usual rut of work/school/family/travel/online dating stories… and then I simply didn’t know what else to talk about.  I didn’t think she was really feeling me either, so I called it a night before things got awkward.  When we parted ways I didn’t say anything about getting together again.  I simply told her I had a good time and enjoyed meeting her, and that was that.

Another girl down.

JBlondie told me that this is a bad time of year to be dating and that summer is the season.  I tend to agree since that’s when I’ve had the most success.  I’ve been experimenting on OkCupid with different pictures and profile tweaks. When the blizzard hit a few weeks ago, I took advantage of everyone being online and sent out a blizzard of messages.  I got a pretty good number of responses.  Most of them fizzled out, although I was casting a wide net so I expected to throw some fish back. Over the past few weeks at least a dozen girls even deleted their profiles in the middle of our conversations, one of whom I was in the middle of setting up a date with.

It’s been frustrating and my OKC profile is languishing.  I decided it was time to try something different, so I’ve gotten with the times and I’m on Tinder now.  I’m also on another app called Bumble (also a good word to describe how my dating attempts feel at times).  Bumble is basically a Sadie Hawkins version of Tinder.  When you match with a girl she has 24 hours to message you, otherwise the match expires and then it’s gone forever.  So far I’ve lost over 20 Bumble matches.

Between that and the non-responses on Tinder, I have to wonder why these girls swiped right for me in the first place.  Sometimes I wonder if being on these apps isn’t just an ego boost for some of them, or a matter of self-promotion since they all use their profiles to advertise their Instagrams.  Who knows.  I’m not really a fan of these apps because I find it much harder to start a conversation when all I have to work with is pictures.  At least on OKC there are profiles to read and match questions to compare.

Truth be told, I’m not a fan of online dating – period.  After 7+ years of on-and-off attempts, I’m starting to think that it just isn’t going to be my path to success.  I’d still rather meet someone the old-fashioned way, but right now I don’t have a better place to meet single girls in these numbers.   However I am making continued efforts to meet people organically.  I’ve been trying new activities and I’ve already made a new friend or two. I should have a better chance of meeting someone by expanding my social circle.

Recently I’ve started confiding in my existing friends about my dating struggles.  I’ve never discussed it with any of them before.  They don’t know I’m a virgin, although I’m sure some of them suspect it.  But I figured it might be a good idea to spread the word that I’m single and looking.  Unfortunately, it appears I waited too long to ask around.  My friends told me that the girls they know are either in a relationship, engaged, married, lesbian, crazy… or I’m simply not their type.   Meanwhile one of my friends jumps around like Daffy Duck, shouts obscenities and nonsense, and sends people defecation videos.  And today I got his “Save the Date” wedding announcement in the mail.

I dunno.  Not sure what I’m doing wrong over here…

First dates:  29
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  5
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6

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