Tag Archives: OkC

Feelings

I’ve kept a positive, upbeat outlook over the course of this blog, but I was in the doldrums a while ago.  Just a little bit.  It’s passed now.  Part of it was standard winter blues, but another part was my perpetual singleness.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy with myself and my life.  I don’t need “my other half” or someone to complete me. But I want more.  I want someone to share the good things in life with.  Food.  Drink.  Laughter.  Music.  Travel.  Sex.  Just to name a few.

For a short while – nearly two glorious months – I got a taste of what that was like.  I had sex (some of it).  I lost my virginity.  I finally felt like I was in the know, part of the club, part of the world, “normal.”  I stopped feeling those pangs when I saw couples.  I did things that come so easily to most people:  hugging, kissing, cuddling, massaging, holding hands, or just sitting on beach watching the sunset – things other people take for granted.  Until I slept with Rebecca a few times, I had no idea just how warm another human body could be.

Now it’s been ten months.  I couldn’t help but peek at her Facebook and I saw she’s been with the same guy for the past eight months.  Oh really.  So what happened to all that jazz about not wanting to date and wanting to focus on herself?   What happened to her being too upset to even think about guys after the last breakup?  What happened to not wanting to be exclusive?  How come she didn’t push him away and sabotage things like she did with me?  What was my problem?

Well, let that be a lesson to me.  Next time I hear that stuff, I’ll know what it really means. Girls seem to have a really complicated way of saying “I’m not interested (anymore).”  But whatever.  I’m leaving her in the past where she belongs.  I’m doing my best to not to dwell on negative thoughts and remain forward-looking.  Therefore I’ve been filling up my time with hobbies and activities to keep my mind on other things.

I’ve been hitting the gym hardcore for the past three months.  It’s a great outlet for my pent up sexual energy and frustrations.  I continue to set personal records in deadlifts, squats, and bench presses.  I’ve stacked three, four, or even five 45lb plates on the weight sled and pushed it back and forth across the floor until my legs gave out and my arms shook.  My buddy and I tried a class last weekend that nearly wiped us out.  But my body is responding and I’m tipping the scales at 187 pounds – a number I dreamed about for years.

The gym is not my only arena of success these days.  I’ve been out there marketing myself and I gained ten new clients, so this should be my best year financially.  I had a great parade season and a triumphant return to solo performing.  I’m practicing several instruments a week and I sound better than ever. (I find playing music as cathartic as going to the gym.) My passport arrived and I’m planning some more travel.  And I’m giving my life a complete overhaul – new car, clothes, furniture, appliances – everything.

Throughout all of this I’ve had Bumble running in the background.  The last app standing.  There was that one awkward date a couple months ago, and since then I canceled on two more because I’d decided I’d rather go to the gym instead.  I just used the always popular, vague line of “something came up.”  I felt a bit shitty doing it, but deep down I felt those dates would have ended up like all the others, so why bother?

But there was one final Bumble date.  I tried to keep the online chatter light and flirty and save all the getting-to-know-you questions for in-person.  As Matthew Hussey says, “if you’re using texting to ask, ‘How many brothers and sisters do you have?’… you’re doing it wrong.”  So I gave that a shot, but it didn’t matter.  Once again I met a girl who checked out of the conversation after five minutes and I was the only one left making an effort.

I’d talk, I’d ask questions, she’d respond… and I’d wait.  Nothing.  Nothing asked about myself in return.  Scratch that – she asked literally two questions, almost as afterthoughts:  what was my job, and did I live alone?  When I realized she kept glancing at her phone on top of her purse on the chair next to her, I bade her farewell.  I know a lost cause when I see one.  And thus concludes my online dating efforts.  Permanently.

After so many years, I’ve come to conclusion that it’s a supreme waste of time.  There’s always the anecdotal success story, but I could never get it to work for me.  It never felt right – always forced and awkward and unnatural.  Personal experience and informal polling of friends and fellow bloggers tells me that meeting people in real life is the way to go.  Not to mention that I had more success with Rebecca than all the girls I met online put together.

Now that spring is finally here I’m compiling a bucket list, which includes several upcoming Meetups.  I’m trying to get to that same sweet spot I was in last year, where I found the perfect balance of doing my own thing and not worrying about finding someone.  Then BAM, it literally happened when I least expected it.  In the meantime I feel I’ve grown content with the status quo again.

I also continue to work on myself.  It’s almost comical… I’ve had thirty years to work on myself – how much more time do I need?  There’s always room for improvement, I guess, like with my conversation skills.  That’s partly why I’ve been filling up my calendar with things to do – gives me shit to talk about.  I’m doing my best to be more social and to fight reverting back to my natural introverted state.

So I guess that’s all I have to say for the time being.  I’ve had this blog post drafted for weeks and weeks and I kept revisiting and revising as my thoughts and feelings ebbed and flowed.  Now I’m finally ready to publish, and we’ll see what happens next in life.

Stay tuned.

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Beginnings

True to my word, I’ve been taking a break and focusing on other things for the time being.  First up was the local traditional music orchestra.  They meet once a month to rehearse.  I didn’t get in touch with the contact person until after the February practice.   I couldn’t make March because it conflicted with my St. Patrick’s Day commitments.  Then April was canceled.  And then I couldn’t make May because it was the same day as my nephew’s First Communion.  Now I can’t make June because I’ll be out of town visiting my brother that weekend.  Always something.  But I’ll make it there eventually.  In the meantime I’ve obtained the book of music and I’ve been familiarizing mysef with the tunes.  I’m also planning on hitting the open mic circuit again over the summer.

Next up was the gym.  I’d been considering joining one for some time.  While my job and my dancing keep me in relatively good shape and I’ve been doing some workouts at home, I wanted to get serious with it and one of my friends volunteered to be my gym buddy.  It took us a couple of weeks before we finally got started, but we’re now going three times a week and both of us already feel a huge difference in our lives.  He says it’s even helped him drastically cut down on his smoking and drinking.  I’ve also noticed a nice change in my body.  Turns out I respond well to serious weightlifting.

Work is in full swing now and I’m busy prospecting to expand my customer base.  I dumped my far-flung (and most annoying) customers this year, and not only am I working to replace them but to add more on top of that.  So far I’ve picked up two new ones.  Good stuff.  I still have more leisure time than I had planned on so I’ve been using it to go on hikes and explore parks and preserves that have been on my to-do list for a long time.

In the middle of all of this I actually landed another first date.  I had left my OKC profile up just in case, and sure enough some girl came across it and sent me a message.  She found me interesting and I was intrigued by her as well.  If she wanted to meet me then I wasn’t going to turn her down.  However I met her for brunch and found I just wasn’t that into her.  I didn’t feel we had much in common after all.  When she asked me afterwards if I wanted to go somewhere else, I said I had to meet up with a friend who was visiting from out of town (which I did).  We made tentative plans for the next weekend, but I never followed up and neither did she.

And there’s another reason why I didn’t get back to her…

Because without planning on it, without expecting it, without trying to…

I met someone.

First dates:  36
Second dates:  4
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  9
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 3

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31

I’m now the 31-year-old virgin and I still haven’t caught a break.  But I’ve finally landed another date.  Only took me a little over two months.  I’m sure the holidays are partly to blame, but it’s been exceptionally difficult to get a date lately.  I’ve been hitting OkCupid hard over the past few weeks, but conversation after conversation flatlines.  That seems to be my main problem.   I don’t seem to be saying the right things to hold anyone’s interest or taking the conversation in the right directions.  Instead I seem to fall into a boring rut of discussing work/school/family and all that bullshit and then things stagnate.

I’ve gotten more responses and first messages and dates than other virgin guys my age could dream of, but I still have nothing to show for it. It frustrates me to think that there are guys literally half my age getting laid.  How are they doing it?  How are they pulling it off?  They’re just dumb fucking teenagers, what kind of game could they possibly have?  Well… more than I have, apparently.

But I managed to work some magic with Art Girl.  She’s 28 and does art therapy with patients suffering from traumatic brain injuries.  We exchanged a few messages, moved to texting, and then we set a date at a crepe place.  I got there a few minutes before she did and mentally patted myself on the back for my choice of venue.  It was very cozy and comfortable.

When she walked in shortly afterwards I stood up to greet her.  I cringed inwardly a bit as I shook her hand, wondering if I should have given her a hug instead.  But I just moved right on and led her to the counter.  It was our first time there so we took a few minutes deciding what to get.  I told her to get whatever she wanted because it was on me.

“Aw, that’s nice of you,” she said.  I wrinkled my nose at that.  Usually when a girl says you’re “nice,” that’s not a good sign.  So I made a joke out of it.

“Yeah, I’m a nice guy… sometimes.”  She laughed.

We finally placed our order and sat down.  I was curious about what her job entailed, but after a couple of minutes it was clear she wasn’t interested in discussing it in detail.  She confessed that after getting 400 messages asking “What’s art therapy?” the topic was beginning to wear on her.  Understandable, but I joked that she’s drawing so much interest because she’s the only one on the site who isn’t a teacher, nurse, or social worker.  From there we started talking about online dating and comparing our experiences – the sites we’ve tried, the messages we’ve received, the dates we’ve been on… I learned that she’s been on the site for two months and I’m only the third guy she’s gone on a date with.

I also learned that she doesn’t like or want kids either, so we were able to bond over that as well.  By that point we were finished with our crepes and smoothies, so I asked her if she was up for a game of Jenga.  There was an array of board games in the shop and that one was simple and fun enough.  She accepted the challenge and we played three games before she called it a night.  Already?  We’d only been there for an hour.

“Yeah, I gotta get home and check on my dog,” she said.

I laughed.  “That’s usually not a good sign…”

She laughed too.  “I’m sorry, I’m just really attached to my dog and I haven’t been home all day.  I was having dinner with my parents earlier.”  We spent a few minutes talking about her dog and then she stood up to leave.  I followed suit, with a sinking feeling that this evening did not go as well as I thought or hoped.

We walked outside.  Out on the sidewalk I said, “So do you still want to check out the museum this weekend?”  She turned to face me.  I had the sense that if I hadn’t said anything she would have continued on towards her car unabated.

“Potentially,” she said.  Potentially.  Yeah, I’ve heard that before.  “I have to check my book and see what I’m doing, I’m so scatterbrained I can’t remember what’s going on that weekend.”

“Okay,” I said.  Meanwhile that had been my original proposal.  Her schedule didn’t work out this past weekend, but she had told me she was definitely free this coming weekend. So I suggested the crepe place in the meantime.  And now she was saying she didn’t know.

“You said you were free either day…?” she asked.  I answered in the affirmative and she said she’d let me know, and I said I’d talk to her soon.  Then we hugged and parted ways.  So maybe there will be a second date, but it doesn’t exactly sound promising.  I left with a depressing feeling that I may have squandered another prime opportunity.  And she was so hot, too.  It’s been less than 24 hours since our date – any advice as to what I should say when I contact her?

***

In other news, I reached out to a girl who “fell ill” at the last minute and wanted to take a rain check. Just as I did with the others who pulled the same stunt, I wished her well and told her to let me know when she was up for our date. Two weeks went by and I dropped her a line to see how she was doing and ask about rescheduling.  No response, just as expected.  At least four other girls deleted their profiles in the middle of our conversations.  I was texting another girl but I couldn’t pin her down on a date despite coming up with a plan and a time, so I just gave up.  And there’s one I’m talking to right now and we’re in the midst of setting up a date for this weekend.  So we’ll see.

***

And finally, be sure to check out my other blog, Descent Into Dadness.  I’m off to a good start and I’m already closing in on my first 1,000 views.  It’s the story of my crazy Dad and his antics.  You can learn about my larger universe and maybe even gain some insight to my struggle against virginity.
https://descentintodadness.wordpress.com/


First dates:  26

Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  5
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6

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Surveying

As you can see, I’m on a posting spree.  In fact, my output may increase even more.  My dad stories have always been a hit, so I’ve been considering devoting a second blog to that subject.  Then readers can follow my dating travails on this blog and learn about my larger universe on the other.  Would this interest any of you?

***

Things have been quiet on the dating front.  I’ve run out of things to say to Melody, and she never initiates any conversation with me.  So I think I’ve lost interest in her.  Even if I wanted to see her again, she says she doesn’t have any time.  So I guess that’s that.  Meanwhile I haven’t heard from The Babysitter since our walk in the park and she hasn’t responded to my second date proposal.  I guess that’s that too.  There were a couple of others I was trying to set dates with, but got nowhere.

The first one looked like Denise Richards and she gave me her number by the second message.  I didn’t even have to ask for it, so I considered that a good sign.  I texted her immediately and suggested going out Friday night.  I waited.  And waited.  She finally got back to me a few days later:

“Sorry for the late reply!  This weekend I have my best friends wedding, how does next week work for you?  I’m free usually after 6 on weekdays”

Okay, that sounded encouraging.  So I suggested Monday at 7.  And then I waited again. A whole week went by without hearing from her.  Ridiculous.  Finally I texted her:  “Hey!  I got back to you with a date and time and didn’t hear anything…?”

“Hey!  I’m so sorry, I’ve had 2 weddings in 2 weeks and have been struggling with my schedule.”  Right. And you couldn’t have said so?  So I told her to let me know when was good for her, and she said Friday at 6:30.  Then she didn’t respond when I contacted her Friday to confirm.  A couple of days later I texted the following:

“Well I didn’t hear anything from you again.  I take it you’re not interested then…”

“No, I am so sorry. I’ve been MIA, life has been very hectic (and then I got sick).  I have to go to my parents house tonight and help out because of illness in the family too.  I feel like such a flake and it’s not my thing I promise.  Rain check?”

Umm… nope.  I think I’m all rained out over here.

I’ll call the second girl Dog Girl.  She was very attached to her three dogs and referred to them as her kids.  That was a warning right there.  But she actually messaged me first with a “Hi handsome…” so naturally I thought she was worth a look.  I gave her my number after a few days of messages and she texted me, and I asked her out on a date.  That was where we ran into a spot of bother.  She was distressed that I wasn’t going to take her on a fancy date.  So you won’t go on a date unless I spoil you and treat you like a pampered princess?  Fuck off.

I didn’t actually say that, but that’s what went through my head.  Instead I just said that I thought that was too much for a first date.  She relented and agreed to meet for drinks, but I already knew that this wasn’t going to work if that’s her mindset.  Nonetheless I proposed the following night around 9 or 9:30, and she said she would have to check her schedule and let me know.  Yeah, okay.  Unsurprisingly I did not hear back from her.

And that was all she wrote.

With that I was left no choice but to go back on OKC and start prospecting again.  I’m meticulously combing through every single profile in my match results.  If I can’t find anything to start a conversation with, I hide the profile and move onto the next one.  It’s a real bummer, though, that the girls whose profiles really speak to me are precisely the ones that don’t respond to my messages.  Dammit.  So I don’t have anyone else in the pipeline right now. My current profile has yet to achieve the level of “success” as my last profile, but I’m still working out the kinks.

Meanwhile I’ve resumed dancing at long last.  We were left dance-less after Teacher skipped town on us back in the spring, but the other girls found a new place and I finally joined them there last week.  Saw Dancer Chick, Married Girl, and one new face.  New Face seemed rather interested in me, unless I’m imagining things again.  She asked what town I was from, how long I’d been dancing for, and was very excited when I told her about the other dance group I was with (before Director died).  All this before I’d even finished tying my shoes.  She looks super young though.  Although we’re all in the adult class, so she’s fair game.  In any case I certainly can’t wait to talk to her some more this week.  She has my attention.

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Babysitting

Fresh off another first date.  We met at one of the local ponds, and the plan was to feed the ducks but I didn’t have time to get any food.  Instead we just walked among the waterfowl at the water’s edge.  It was an unseasonably warm day, but unfortunately the clouds and wind moved in by the time we got together.  The conversation was awkward at first, but after a few minutes we settled into a nice flow.  I wasn’t sure about her when I first saw her, but the more we talked the more attractive I found her.

We were only there for an hour as I had to get to band practice and she had to get back to her babysitting gig.  Her regular job is as a teacher.  Shocker.  A teacher on OKC.  Gee, I’ve never come across one of those before.  Seriously, that’s like the #1 profession of OkCupiders, followed by nurse, social/disabled worker, and vet.  And everybody rides horses.  What’s with all the horseback riders?

Anyway.

I really liked her and told her I wanted to get together again, and she agreed.  I’ve texted her since then with a second date idea, but as of this writing there’s been no response.  Bummer.  But we’ll see.

In the meantime I’m still making chit-chat with Melody.  I’m still not sure what to make of the whole “friends first” thing.  The way I look at it, if there’s mutual attraction/interest, then why can’t we skip the whole “friends” phase?  And friends for how long?  How long am I going to have to hover around until she can decide how she feels about me?  And then how exactly are you supposed to go from being friends to being more than friends?  I don’t know, the whole thing just sounds like a one-way ticket to being friendzoned.  Some of you have already commented about this on my last post, but I’m not sold on the idea.  Further thoughts, anyone?

First dates:  25
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6

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Melody

It’s been almost an entire year but I finally went on another OkCupid date.  I really didn’t think I’d be back, but I’d been feeling especially good about myself lately so I felt like giving it another go.  It took me a few days to get the hang of messaging again; the first batch was all duds.  Before long I cleared out the cobwebs and I started getting profile views, then responses.

There were further kinks to work out when it came to moving from messaging on OKC to going on a date.  The first few attempts went nowhere – I think I was jumping the gun.  So I relaxed a little and finally snagged one.  Her name was Melody and she was a musician like myself.  Not only that but she was in a marching band like I was and even played the same instrument  That alone gave us plenty to discuss, and she said she enjoyed talking to me and wanted to know more.  Bingo.

I asked her out for drinks the other night at a bar that happened to be just ten minutes from her house, so I couldn’t have picked a more convenient spot.  She looked better than her pictures and she was a lot more talkative than I expected.  In fact she was talkative to the point where she hardly asked me anything about myself, which bugged me.  I had to volunteer any personal information, which I took as a sign that she wasn’t interested.

After an hour and a half she called it a night because she had to get up at 5:30 the next morning for work.  I walked her outside and gave her a hug.  I was just about to say good night and “it was nice meeting you” and leave it at that, but then she made noises about getting together again.  Oh.  Well if she truly wanted to see me again, I was willing to explore the possibility.  Because who knows.

We’ve been texting intermittently ever since but have been unable to agree on a day.  So I’m not getting my hopes up. She’s also busy as all get out and doesn’t seem to have much time for dating and relating, which makes me wonder what she’s really looking for right now.  Perhaps we should have discussed that on our date?  I suppose I’ll bring it up on the second date.  If there’s a second date.  Or I could even ask her in the meantime.  In any case I’m back on OKC seeing who else I can find.  I have another first date set up for Sunday, and I have a third girl I’m hoping to get together with next week.

In other news, life is still great.  I’m in a bit of a lull before the fall cleanup season begins… which according to my calendar should be in about ten days.  Until then I’m busy eating, working out (gained back four pounds already!) and spending evenings by the fire with a cold beer.  In fact, on the way home from my date with Melody I came across a shitload of firewood that someone had put out to the curb.  And I don’t know if I’m getting old or what, but I was actually a little more excited about that.

image

Catch ya soon…

First dates:  23
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6

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Currents

I went on a second date with Nineteen.  Nothing big deal, just grabbed some food and caught up on things.  Once again, she was just as mature if not more so than some of the other girls I’ve gone out with.  And she earned major points when I learned that she doesn’t want kids or pets either.  However, neither of us is really looking for anything serious right now.  Nor do I think either of us feels any real attraction.  But we may still see each other occasionally, as friends.

***

My FWB profile experiment on OKC isn’t really going anywhere these days, but nor have I been putting much time or effort into it.  Several girls have messaged me, mostly of the “is this for real?” and “how come you’re still a virgin?” variety.  Curious passersby. There was one girl I was talking to who seemed to have potential, but she disappeared once I suggested meeting.

Some of you have wondered why I didn’t include face pics on my profile.  I wrote that I would send face pics to anyone who asked for them, and I obliged a couple of girls who did.  But I’m hesitant to put my face on my profile; that may come back to bite me should I later want to go back to looking for a relationship.  There’s also the possibility that someone I know  will stumble across it. I’ve also mentioned that I’m a virgin, because I figured if I’m going to try the FWB route then they should know what they’re getting into.  Yea or Nay on this last part?

The other reason for not including my face is that I’ve actually been using my FWB profile in an attempt to start conversations with girls I’ve messaged before… or even girls I’ve gone on dates with before.  I wanted to see how they would respond to a “different” person.  Maybe I’d learn more about them and some light would be shed on why things didn’t work out.

Only one responded.  The Jokester. She had updated her profile to include a bit about she’s looking for someone to potentially hook up with.  Oh?  She didn’t seem like the type, and I messaged her and told her so.  Her response was:

“Normally I’m not into hooking up, I’ll admit that. Honestly, I want a relationship; I want someone to care for me the way I will care for them, but at the same time, I know I’m better off alone. I won’t lose being my own person in the “we”, and I won’t break anyones heart, or my own. So I actually have been hooking up with someone who is literally moving to the other side of the country in a few months, and I can do what I was meant to do, be a charismatic person on their way to the top. Of the corporate ladder that is…”

Well, this shed an interesting light on things indeed.   I strongly suspect she was already hooking up with said guy at the time we went on our date.  We continued messaging for two weeks, but then the conversation ended and she took her profile down.  Methinks she’s decided to forget OKC and focus on her hookup buddy.  Just a theory.

Meanwhile, there have been a couple of other girls I’ve been wondering about.  Marine Girl, who canceled last minute with the promise of rescheduling, only to never get back to me.  And Bella Dancer, who said she wanted to go on a second date but completely blew me off and ignored me instead.  But instead of messaging them from my FWB profile, I decided to make a completely new profile, just like my old one but with different pictures.  I used that profile to send them both messages that boiled down to: “Hey… so whatever happened?”

Both girls viewed my profile, so I know they got my messages.  However, only Marine Girl responded, and she did so with a lengthy explanation and an apology.  She was talking to another guy at the same time she was talking to me, but he asked her out first and she felt even more of a spark with him than with me.  So she said she panicked and canceled our date.  “I fucked up,” she wrote. “I plain and simple handled the situation poorly. I am usually a very honest and straightforward person – which you have every right not to believe at this point, but for some reason I guess I just figured it would naturally dissolve and I wouldn’t have to address it any further.”

I was very appreciative of her honesty, and it was quite refreshing after all the other girls I’ve dealt with up to this point.  Within two messages we were literally writing each other essays – just like we had been doing the first time we talked on the site.  We fell back into our old rhythm with such ease that I said to her, “You wouldn’t still be interested in meeting… would you?  I feel like there might still be something here worth investigating.” She was hesitant to agree to a date, since she didn’t know if she’d be able to meet without much expectation after all of this.  I assured her that we would be fine, because I was fairly confident that we would be.

And we were.  We went out for drinks Friday night, and I thought things were going great.  She was all smiles and laughter and playing with her hair while she was talking to me, but when I told her I wanted to see her again, her verdict was “just friends.”  Surprising.  Disappointing. But okay, I can live with that.  She was just as witty and charming as I expected she’d be, and I would love to have her on board as a friend.

However, that was not meant to be either.  A day after our date, the word came down the pike:  “Upon further reflection I don’t think I’d be comfortable pursuing a friendship. We lead very different kinds of lives and I just don’t feel a common ground that could branch into a friendship.  All the best.”

Wow.  That stung a little.  The tone of her message suggested I did something off-putting, but goddamned if I can figure out what that might be.

JBlondie was shocked when I shared this with her.  I’d shown her Marine Girl’s profile and she was like, “She’s perfect for you!”  I’d thought so too.  But apparently not.

Once I landed my first OKC date, it was like I broke the wall and other first dates came easily after that.  But now I’m up against another wall and I’m wondering whether it’s my virginity that’s somehow holding me back?  Maybe if I wasn’t a virgin, things would have ended differently with some of the girls I went on dates with.  Maybe I would have been bolder, more aggressive, more relaxed… something. I don’t know.  Even when it comes to finding a FWB, maybe it would be better to not be a virgin first?

If I really wanted to, I suppose I could completely lose my standards and just “get it over with.”  Not that I’m seriously considering it, but I’m curious as to your thoughts nonetheless.  What do you think about losing your virginity just to lose it?

First dates:  22
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6

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