Social distance and unrest, and a little bit of sex…

It’s been sad and disappointing seeing people posting and spouting the most unbelievable shit in response to current events this year.  No knowledge of civics, no critical thinking, outright dismissal of facts in favor of conspiracy theories and junk science, and a startling lack of empathy or understanding.  On that note – if you’re so tired of hearing about racism, just imagine how tired some people are of experiencing it.  If I wanted I could do a whole post (or a whole new blog) on these issues.  Maybe someday, but in the meantime I had to put my two cents in.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.  I had a few more dates recently.  I’d sworn off dating until things returned to “normal,” but as always I listen to my dick.

#75
This one was another waste of time – one I saw coming a mile away but proceeded anyway.  She sidestepped my flirty comments but still seemed keen on meeting me.  We ended up at the beach, and I made a joke that she was a little overdressed for the occasion.  Indeed she was – with her black pants, black leather jacket, and black heeled boots, but she got a little defensive about it.  She reminded me of my older sister, who’d go to the beach with a full face of makeup and would get equally as defensive if you ribbed her for it.

As soon as we got to the boardwalk she handed me her phone to take a picture of her.  Not just one, though, but a dozen.  She’d snatch the phone back after each one to make sure she looked good.  Once again, just like my oldest sister.  I rolled my eyes a bit, but it didn’t stop there.  We walked down to the big rocks at the water’s edge, and then it was picture time again.  And not just pictures of her in various model poses, but slo-mo and time lapse videos as well.  She showed me how she edits them all together into video montages of herself set to music.

I made another joke that I was starting to think I was only there to be her photographer, and she got defensive again.  Hoo boy.

We sat and made chit-chat and small talk while we waited for the sunset, but it was clear we were a total mismatch.  I learned she was an Aries.  Once again… just like my older sister.  Now, I don’t set much stock by that stuff, but it’s fun to think about and eerie how accurate it is sometimes.  But I find Aries women a bit high-maintenance, a bit flaky, and often a bit full of themselves.  (Teacher comes to mind; she was an Aries too.)  Then she dropped a bomb and disclosed that she was 40, not 30 as advertised.  She claimed that she didn’t know why it said that, nor how to change it.

As soon as the sun went down I called it a night and said goodbye.  She was making noises about wanting to see me again, suggesting I join her and her friends to go hiking upstate the following weekend.  I’m looking for a FWB, not a hiking buddy.  I don’t know if she didn’t see that in my profile, or just didn’t understand what it meant, but I was out.

#76
This one lived a bit of a distance away so we picked a halfway a spot – a scenic park on the lake.  We took a few laps around the water while we made conversation, but it wasn’t until we landed on the subject of her job as a financial planner that she became really animated.  She was really passionate about it… a little too much.  After what felt like a half-hour of her TED Talk, I called it a night.  It was getting dark anyway.  I suggested a movie night back at my place next time.  Hint hint.  She said she wasn’t interested in anything romantic with me, but maybe we could still hang out.  

Sigh.  Once again I was like… do these chicks not read my profile, or understand what I’m looking for?  I told her I wasn’t looking for anything romantic, nor am I looking for people to just hang out with.  So I wished her the best of luck finding what she was looking for and we parted ways.  Another one down.

#77
It’s funny how online dating activity ebbs and flows.  It was exceptionally quiet after that.  The next thing I knew, it looked like my theory was coming to pass – that girls would be so horny and desperate coming out of quarantine that getting laid would be ridiculously easy.  I was on track to get laid the next two nights by two different girls.  Was it possible?  Alas, no.  The first one crapped out, so I texted the other and asked, “are you still free tonight by any chance?”  Yes, she was.  I’ll call her Pharmacy Girl

Long story, it was some of the best sex either of us ever had.  The kissing was amazing by itself, so much better than College Girl.  (For the record, this one was 28).  My dick went in her mouth shortly afterward and I nearly burst right then and there.  Her oral skills surpassed anyone else I’ve been with.  She was also the first one to ride me cowgirl without it feeling uncomfortable.  PG obviously felt she same because gaped down at me and said “oh my God!  It’s like a perfect fit!”  She also appreciated that I assisted instead of just lying there like other guys.

I flipped her over and pounded her in missionary since she wanted to see what I could do.  Either she’s very orgasmic or I’ve become an exceptional lover, because she came hard with her heels digging into my back.  It was so intense for her that she was writhing and nearly bucking off the bed.  I came pretty hard myself; she felt amazing inside.  When she calmed down she said, “Well… THAT’S never happened before.”  I’d given her a full-body orgasm for the first time.  She tried sucking me off to repay me, but I knew it would take a long time after I’d just came.  I told her to get on her stomach and I fucked her from behind.  She absolutely loved that, and she got so wet that I kept sliding out.  “What’s the matter,” she giggled.  “Too wet to stay in?”  We switched back to missionary and we each came again.

PG previously told me that she’d never enjoyed receiving oral sex from any man (perks of always dating assholes), but I was determined to be the first.  I went to work, teasing my way down and working all around until she was going crazy with anticipation.  Then I buried my face in her.  I used all the techniques I’d studied and things I’d remembered from old girlfriends.  It took a while but I got her there.  She was in a daze afterwards, but I wasn’t done yet.  I used my fingers to get her off one more time.  She was on the verge of climaxing so hard I thought she was going to squirt.  No such luck, but I did give her another full body-orgasm and she left puddles all over my bed.

Afterwards she said she couldn’t believe how good I was with my fingers and tongue. “How did you learn to do all that?” YouTube, I joked.  From all accounts, I gave her the best sex and oral she’s ever had.  I asked if she was staying the night, but she had work in the morning and didn’t have a change of clothes.  Dammit.  But could we squeeze in one more round before she had to go?  I found that we could.  One last time in missionary, and we fucked so long and hard that the sweat built up between us and was dripping off my chin in the end.  And the eye contact we made… damn.  It was so hot.

We exchanged numbers a few days later so we could talk outside the app.  I asked about Friday.  She had to work.  Saturday?  Plans with friends.  I waited but she didn’t suggest a day in return, so I said I was ready for Round 2 the next time she was free.

I haven’t heard from her since.

I was flabbergasted.  How could she not want seconds when the sex was so good the first time?  She’d seemed excited at the prospect of regular sex again, but maybe she only intended it to be a one-time thing.  I guess I’ll never know.  She might still surprise me, but I’m moving on and already have another hot prospect lined up.  In fact, tonight is date night.  Stay tuned…

 

 

College Girl

I was a bit bummed out after date #70, wondering if my search for a FWB would be as fruitless and frustrating as my regular dating attempts.  So I was sat on the couch later that night swiping through Tinder when a new match popped up.  Damn.  She was a pretty young thing.  I didn’t get too excited; I’d had similar matches before and they all petered out.

Not this one though… we were barely a couple of minutes into chatting before she asked “when are you free?”  I said it was too bad we didn’t match earlier because I was free that night. (It was nearly 10 PM by that point.)

“Conveniently I’m also free tonight,” she replied.

Me:  “Are you now… well if it’s not too late for you, I’m down to meet somewhere.”

Her:  “Your place?”

Whoa, what?  Were we really moving this fast?  My guard went up.  “That’s an idea,” I said.  “You don’t want to meet me somewhere public first, make sure I’m not a psycho or anything?”

Her:  “Honestly I’m really just looking for sex.”   I sat bolt upright with a very surprised erection.  Well, shit.  Maybe my luck was about to change. Was this for real though? I was about to find out.

“lol works for me. I’m okay with you coming over if that’s what you want to do.  Let’s do it,” I said, despite my better judgment.  Once again the smaller of my two heads prevailed.  She was a student at the local university and didn’t have a car, so I gave her my address and she ordered herself an Uber.  In the meantime I made a mad dash around my house, showering and cleaning and securing my valuables.

#71
She arrived a half-hour later and I was all ready for her.  I opened the door and she looked just like her pictures.  We exchanged greetings and she informed me that she’d just had her tits pierced so they were off-limits.  Dammit… and I’m such a boob guy too. “But we can do everything else,” she added.

“Not a problem,” I said.  “Shall we get to it?”  She smirked and rolled her eyes and headed off to my bedroom in response.  Well, it looked like we were doing this!  She was already sat on my bed by the time I got through the door.  If you’d told me a couple hours earlier that there’d be a smoking hot girl on my bed, I never would have believed it.  It was totally surreal.

I took a seat next to her and leaned in to kiss her. In a flash she was in my lap, straddling me and grabbing me everywhere – fistfuls of hair, cupping my face, seizing my back and shoulders and neck.  I was getting super hard, especially when she started tugging on the bottom of my shirt.  She rolled onto her back and pulled me on top of her, sliding one hand down the front of my pants to feel me.  Clothes were quickly shed and my face went in between her legs.  I certainly didn’t need any encouragement, but she was mashing my face into her pussy and arching her hips towards me.  She was so wet it dripped off my chin and left puddles on the sheets.

And she liked it rough.  With other girls, one finger inside was always enough, but she wanted a second and then a third.  Wowzers.  She was also into spanking.  Smack.  Harder.  Smack!  Harder.  SMACK.  HARDER!  I hit her so hard that my handprint was visible and the slaps echoed off the walls.  Hair pulling?  You betcha, and she kept indicating more force.  Then she wanted me to choke her.  I wrapped both hands around her throat while I fucked her, and she kept gasping for me to choke her harder until she could barely articulate the words.  Jesus Christ.

Unsurprisingly she was also a biter.  Not just my lips and tongue, but my dick went into her mouth a few times and I had bite marks there as well.  Ouch.  Finally I had to tell her to ease up a little, but not before she gave me my first hickey ever.  I proudly sported it the next day, hoping that at least one person would comment on it and I could just raise my eyebrows and give a sly smile in reply.  No such luck, but in any case we were at it for two hours that night and I felt like a new man the next morning.  Suddenly it seemed as if anything – and anyone – was possible.

We went for Round Two this past weekend, and it was even hotter – not least of all because her tits were open for business this time. I went to town on them and her lady parts. As usual I did my best to make sure she was satisfied.  Damn this girl is horny as all get out.  She never seems to get enough and I can barely keep up with her. Going to have to work on my stamina. After going through a few condoms we just lay there sweaty and tangled up in the bedsheets.

“Are you really 19?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“So you like older guys?”

She laughed. “Obviously.”

Goddamn though… where the hell was this when I was in college? I guess I’m making up for it now. And this certainly makes up for the nonsense with #68.  This time she stayed the night, much to my delight. I woke up with her arms and legs wrapped around me and her hands stroking my member.  She did it with such a soft touch that it was driving me crazy, and it wasn’t long before I was inside her again, picking up where we’d left off the night before. She hooked her arms under mine and grabbed my back and my ass as I pounded her, whimpering into my ear how good it felt.

Needless to say I didn’t last long after that.

College Girl is not one for conversation.  Like… at all, unless it’s to tell me to go harder and faster.  Either she’s determined to keep things strictly sexual, or she’s just really shy otherwise.  Once you get her behind closed doors, though, she’s a wild animal.  Tinder really came through for me this time, after having had zero luck in the past.  Now we’re working on setting up Round 3, hopefully within the next few days.

The anticipation is killing me…

Hookup

I’ve read so many blog posts about them over the years, but never did I think I would have a hookup of my own to write about.

It all started a couple of months ago.  My niece and I were talking about dating and swapping stories… hard to believe sometimes that she’s 21 now.   Even harder to believe she’s on Tinder.  She even pulled out her phone and swiped left and right through a bunch of guys.  Very, very interesting watching the process on the female side.  She showed me some of her conversations too.  Not to be outdone, I showed her screenshots of my old conversations.  She really got a kick out of them – so much so that I decided to go back on Bumble with a joke profile and collect more funny screenshots.

This went on for a couple of weeks when one day I got a message at 4AM:

“Hey Tommy, seems like you got low enough standards for my liking :)”

“And apparently we’re both night owls,” I wrote back.

“I think I should say that I have jet lag.  But the truth is…”

“You’re horny…?” I suggested.

“A bit.  Fancying some good old fashion missionary.  Ok… or maybe I will be on top for a little.”

Okay… this had to be a joke.  Someone read my profile and was clearly fucking with me in return.  I even suspected it was someone I knew in real life.  Plus she only had one picture, which is usually a red flag.  But we chatted until the sun rose, and during the day she sent me photos of herself in various states of undress.  After less than 24 hours of sexting and steamy conversation, I met her in a bar in Brooklyn.

#50

Right up until I walked through the door, I kept thinking it was too good to be true.  I half-expected to see one of my friends sitting there, although I doubted any of them would travel all that way just to play a prank.  And the more I talked to her online, the more confident I was that I wouldn’t end up meeting some 40yo hairy fat dude.  But sure enough, she was a real person, sitting right at the corner of the bar in blue jeans and a black top just like the said she would be.

Phew.  And wow.  She looked better in person than I imagined.  Except when I tapped her on the shoulder and said her name, she didn’t look entirely enthused to see me.  Uh oh.  I greeted her and told her I had to use the bathroom and I’d be right back.  After the long drive into the city I was fit to burst, and I went downstairs and pissed a bucket.   When I came back upstairs I wondered if she was going to give me the “you seem like a nice guy” speech and nix the rest of the evening.

She didn’t.  I ordered myself a drink and we took a seat in a booth away from the noise.  She had a beer of her own but didn’t seem very interested in it.  We made chit-chat about nothing in particular, and I was surprised to detect an English accent despite her being Chinese.  But she grew up in Hong Kong, and studied and worked in the UK, so apparently that was why.

After about 10-15 minutes I asked, “Do you want to get out of here?”  She did and we got up to leave.  I knew she had a hotel a block away, but I insisted on meeting somewhere neutral in public first.  As we walked outside I was waiting her to change her mind and wish me good night (as is my luck), but instead she hooked her arm around mine, eventually hugging it with both of hers.  Oh!  Looks like she was interested after all.  She warned me beforehand that – despite her online sluttiness – she was likely to be awkward and shy in person.

To be sure, as we walked down the sidewalk she kept stopping to stare at me with a weird grin.  I kept asking her “What…?” and she kept asking me why I was giving her weird looks.  Uh, because YOU are.  After the third time I turned and put my hands on her waist, and she continued looking up at me with that weird grin.  This seemed like the moment.  I moved my hands up to cup her face and went in for the kiss, but at the last second she turned her head and I got her on the cheek.

Oof.  More awkward.  She wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my shoulder.  Okay.  What’s the deal?  Well,  apparently she doesn’t kiss on the lips.  Okay there, Pretty Woman.  I didn’t get much more out of her than that, although she later confessed that kissing doesn’t do anything for her.  I didn’t know that was possible, but there are all types I guess.  Maybe the other guys she’s been with were bad kissers? Who knows.  And before we resumed our walk back to the hotel, she blurted, “I might even like you as a person.”

pw
“I don’t kiss on the mouth.”

“Well, I’d hope that you’d like me as a person.  I’m not just a piece of meat, you know.”  She let out a loud giggle and quickened her step until we were almost race-walking.  We went right into the elevator and up to her room.  She swiped her card and in we went, with me in a bit of a daze.  This was totally surreal.  Was this really happening?  Never in my wildest fantasies did I imagine something like this could be a reality.  And from my ridiculous online dating profile!

She was still a bit awkward, which was making me awkward.  I’d vaguely pictured myself making out with her and slowly removing her clothes piece by piece.  That kind of foreplay is important in helping me determine what someone likes.  But with kissing off the table, there went one of the tools in my toolbox, and it was a bit of a buzzkill as well.  Plus when I looked up from taking my shoes off she was already pants-less.  Somebody was eager to start, apparently.

There was a bit of fumbling about and then we were lying on the bed, first side by side and then me on top of her.  There was more awkward fumbling about as I tried touching her lady parts, but couldn’t seem to get that right.  First she told me to be more gentle, but then she was pressing my hand into her indicating I should use more force.  Then she put one of my fingers inside her, but after a minute of that she wanted my fingers on the outside again.  Finally I hit pay dirt when I started sucking and kissing on her neck and tits.  All girls seem to like that, but she was practically orgasming from it.

We were a bit limited in what we could do.  In addition to no kissing, there was no oral either – for her or for me.  So that basically left condom-only P-in-V sex.  She couldn’t wait any longer and wanted my dick inside her, but she didn’t think she was wet enough.  After leaking pussy juice profusely for an entire day, she was running a bit dry.  But I put on a condom and she slathered lube everywhere, and then we started fucking.  Finally, an area I seem to excel at.  At least, I’ve never gotten any complaints in that department.

She got really wet before long, and it felt so good being inside her.  (Skyn condoms are great, btw).  I’d already jerked off twice that day looking at the pics she sent me, so I lasted a decent amount of time before I unloaded in her.  It was really intense.  I don’t remember it feeling that intense with my ex Rebecca, but it’s been so long that it’s hard to remember exactly.  She came too – loudly – and it was funny because even though she sounded British she would orgasm in Chinese.   It was like I fucked her into another continent.

Afterwards we lay there for the longest time, just talking about stuff. She asked me a million questions, including, “Am I asking too many questions?”  She dropped a bomb about being divorced. She also claimed I’m the first person she’s had sex with in two and a half years.  Wow.  So she’s had a longer dry spell than I’ve had.  Who would’ve thought?

All the while we played with each other’s hands, stroked each other’s arms, and touched each other all over. I gave her a back and shoulder massage because I love doing that.  The entire time I did my best to relish every moment, telling myself that it might be a long time before I get to touch anyone like that again. Sure enough, I remember thinking that exact thing when I was with my ex, and then two years went by.

Eventually she started jerking me off, but it wasn’t doing anything for me. She didn’t have the right touch, even after I gave her some instruction. Then she was telling me to cum even though I was nowhere close, and her telling me that had the opposite effect.  It’s like when the doctor asks you to pee in a cup, and the more you try the more you can’t do it.  Then you start feeling pressure, and in this case I was starting to go soft.  She noticed and started making efforts to get me hard again, which also had the opposite effect.

Shit.  I went back to work on her neck and chest and soon I was almost rock hard again.  We had sex a second time, we both came again (her at least twice) and we managed to snag a couple hours of sleep before morning.  We tried some other positions but they weren’t really comfortable for either of us, so it was mostly missionary. There was one more round of equally satisfying sex before I had to hit the road.  It felt a bit weird waking up in the city, and I drove home in a bit of a daze.  That might have been more due to exhaustion, as I had to pull over and take a nap for an hour in order to make it the rest of the way.

I didn’t jerk off for the rest of the week.  We met for Round 2 the following weekend, and I wanted to save up an especially big load for her.  This time I met her right at the hotel.  She left a key at the front desk for me so I went upstairs and let myself in.

She was waiting in bed in a black lace negligee.  “John McCain died,” were her first words to me as I entered the room.  Wow, you really know how to turn a guy on.  But I did enter a celebrity death pool at the beginning of the year and he was on my list, so he earned me 24 points.  Yay for that, at least.

We got down to business right away.  I was more than ready for her.  I attacked her neck and chest and played with her pussy.  “How did you get so much better at this in only a week?” she gasped.  Easy – I simply remembered what she liked and didn’t like from last time.

Things went a lot smoother this time, and there was no need for lube whatsoever.  She was positively dripping downstairs.  She wasn’t kidding about that. I’d never seen anyone get wet like that – not that I have much experience to judge, though.

Finally she couldn’t take it anymore.  “Get a condom,” she gasped.  I did, and ten minutes later I filled that bad boy to near bursting after not jerking off for an entire week.  But truth be told, I didn’t need to jerk off.   After the previous weekend I found myself feeling fully sated and satisfied.  I didn’t even look at porn or anything.  However, I was ready and raring to go now.  She came many times, and after the third round of sex she took the baby oil I brought with me and dumped it everywhere.  She proceeded to massage my body with hers.  It was amazing, and she ended by jerking me off until I spurted a fourth time. Practically repainted the ceiling.

She wanted to keep going.  Unfortunately, the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.  I was surprised and disappointed I couldn’t go more than four times.  Apparently sex is more intense and draining than regular ol’ masturbating.  We’d also been at it for five hours by that point.  And we were getting pretty hungry, so we got dressed and headed out to the diner.  She watched in amazement as I downed a plate of pancakes, a bowl of home fries, ham and eggs, and a bagel.  Apparently sex also whips up quite the appetite.

We held hands on the way there and back, which was really nice.  Honestly, I was almost as happy holding hands as I was to have sex again.  I miss that kind of touch and intimacy. We learned more about each other as we walked and talked, and I also learned that a lot of people leave books outside their homes in Brooklyn.  Apparently this is a thing they do there.  I suppose it’s a take-a-book, leave-a-book kind of thing.  Heh – maybe they should call it Booklyn.

We got frisky when we were back at the hotel again.  I was ready to go a fifth time, but exhaustion overpowered us and we fell asleep.  We did have one last glorious round of sex in the morning.  I woke up with her hands on my penis.  In fact, she could barely keep her hands off it all night – even on the way back from the diner.  She said she couldn’t resist squeezing it and that I had a really nice one.  Why thank you.  I think it’s rather swell too, if I may so myself.

And thus ends the best two weekends I’ve had in a long time, and certainly among the best ones I’ve ever had.  She was only in town for ten days and we made the most of her time here.  Now she’s back home.  There’s a possibility she may return in the future, but when that will be I have no idea.  In any case, my scratch has been itched and I’m feeling exceptional nowadays.