Social distance and unrest, and a little bit of sex…

It’s been sad and disappointing seeing people posting and spouting the most unbelievable shit in response to current events this year.  No knowledge of civics, no critical thinking, outright dismissal of facts in favor of conspiracy theories and junk science, and a startling lack of empathy or understanding.  On that note – if you’re so tired of hearing about racism, just imagine how tired some people are of experiencing it.  If I wanted I could do a whole post (or a whole new blog) on these issues.  Maybe someday, but in the meantime I had to put my two cents in.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.  I had a few more dates recently.  I’d sworn off dating until things returned to “normal,” but as always I listen to my dick.

This one was another waste of time – one I saw coming a mile away but proceeded anyway.  She sidestepped my flirty comments but still seemed keen on meeting me.  We ended up at the beach, and I made a joke that she was a little overdressed for the occasion.  Indeed she was – with her black pants, black leather jacket, and black heeled boots, but she got a little defensive about it.  She reminded me of my older sister, who’d go to the beach with a full face of makeup and would get equally as defensive if you ribbed her for it.

As soon as we got to the boardwalk she handed me her phone to take a picture of her.  Not just one, though, but a dozen.  She’d snatch the phone back after each one to make sure she looked good.  Once again, just like my oldest sister.  I rolled my eyes a bit, but it didn’t stop there.  We walked down to the big rocks at the water’s edge, and then it was picture time again.  And not just pictures of her in various model poses, but slo-mo and time lapse videos as well.  She showed me how she edits them all together into video montages of herself set to music.

I made another joke that I was starting to think I was only there to be her photographer, and she got defensive again.  Hoo boy.

We sat and made chit-chat and small talk while we waited for the sunset, but it was clear we were a total mismatch.  I learned she was an Aries.  Once again… just like my older sister.  Now, I don’t set much stock by that stuff, but it’s fun to think about and eerie how accurate it is sometimes.  But I find Aries women a bit high-maintenance, a bit flaky, and often a bit full of themselves.  (Teacher comes to mind; she was an Aries too.)  Then she dropped a bomb and disclosed that she was 40, not 30 as advertised.  She claimed that she didn’t know why it said that, nor how to change it.

As soon as the sun went down I called it a night and said goodbye.  She was making noises about wanting to see me again, suggesting I join her and her friends to go hiking upstate the following weekend.  I’m looking for a FWB, not a hiking buddy.  I don’t know if she didn’t see that in my profile, or just didn’t understand what it meant, but I was out.

This one lived a bit of a distance away so we picked a halfway a spot – a scenic park on the lake.  We took a few laps around the water while we made conversation, but it wasn’t until we landed on the subject of her job as a financial planner that she became really animated.  She was really passionate about it… a little too much.  After what felt like a half-hour of her TED Talk, I called it a night.  It was getting dark anyway.  I suggested a movie night back at my place next time.  Hint hint.  She said she wasn’t interested in anything romantic with me, but maybe we could still hang out.  

Sigh.  Once again I was like… do these chicks not read my profile, or understand what I’m looking for?  I told her I wasn’t looking for anything romantic, nor am I looking for people to just hang out with.  So I wished her the best of luck finding what she was looking for and we parted ways.  Another one down.

It’s funny how online dating activity ebbs and flows.  It was exceptionally quiet after that.  The next thing I knew, it looked like my theory was coming to pass – that girls would be so horny and desperate coming out of quarantine that getting laid would be ridiculously easy.  I was on track to get laid the next two nights by two different girls.  Was it possible?  Alas, no.  The first one crapped out, so I texted the other and asked, “are you still free tonight by any chance?”  Yes, she was.  I’ll call her Pharmacy Girl

Long story, it was some of the best sex either of us ever had.  The kissing was amazing by itself, so much better than College Girl.  (For the record, this one was 28).  My dick went in her mouth shortly afterward and I nearly burst right then and there.  Her oral skills surpassed anyone else I’ve been with.  She was also the first one to ride me cowgirl without it feeling uncomfortable.  PG obviously felt she same because gaped down at me and said “oh my God!  It’s like a perfect fit!”  She also appreciated that I assisted instead of just lying there like other guys.

I flipped her over and pounded her in missionary since she wanted to see what I could do.  Either she’s very orgasmic or I’ve become an exceptional lover, because she came hard with her heels digging into my back.  It was so intense for her that she was writhing and nearly bucking off the bed.  I came pretty hard myself; she felt amazing inside.  When she calmed down she said, “Well… THAT’S never happened before.”  I’d given her a full-body orgasm for the first time.  She tried sucking me off to repay me, but I knew it would take a long time after I’d just came.  I told her to get on her stomach and I fucked her from behind.  She absolutely loved that, and she got so wet that I kept sliding out.  “What’s the matter,” she giggled.  “Too wet to stay in?”  We switched back to missionary and we each came again.

PG previously told me that she’d never enjoyed receiving oral sex from any man (perks of always dating assholes), but I was determined to be the first.  I went to work, teasing my way down and working all around until she was going crazy with anticipation.  Then I buried my face in her.  I used all the techniques I’d studied and things I’d remembered from old girlfriends.  It took a while but I got her there.  She was in a daze afterwards, but I wasn’t done yet.  I used my fingers to get her off one more time.  She was on the verge of climaxing so hard I thought she was going to squirt.  No such luck, but I did give her another full body-orgasm and she left puddles all over my bed.

Afterwards she said she couldn’t believe how good I was with my fingers and tongue. “How did you learn to do all that?” YouTube, I joked.  From all accounts, I gave her the best sex and oral she’s ever had.  I asked if she was staying the night, but she had work in the morning and didn’t have a change of clothes.  Dammit.  But could we squeeze in one more round before she had to go?  I found that we could.  One last time in missionary, and we fucked so long and hard that the sweat built up between us and was dripping off my chin in the end.  And the eye contact we made… damn.  It was so hot.

We exchanged numbers a few days later so we could talk outside the app.  I asked about Friday.  She had to work.  Saturday?  Plans with friends.  I waited but she didn’t suggest a day in return, so I said I was ready for Round 2 the next time she was free.

I haven’t heard from her since.

I was flabbergasted.  How could she not want seconds when the sex was so good the first time?  She’d seemed excited at the prospect of regular sex again, but maybe she only intended it to be a one-time thing.  I guess I’ll never know.  She might still surprise me, but I’m moving on and already have another hot prospect lined up.  In fact, tonight is date night.  Stay tuned…



Call Me Daddy

The next time I saw College Girl it was for an afternoon rendezvous that was the hottest encounter yet.  We had sex three times in the span of three hours.  Near the end of the first round I told her I was getting close, and she sat up and put her hands on my chest.  She pushed me back until I was sitting on my heels and proceeded to suck and jerk me off until I came like a lawn sprinkler.  It went everywhere; all over her and the bed.  Damn.  What a mess.  During our subsequent rounds she wanted me to choke her, and when I did she cried out things like “choke me, daddy” and “pound me harder, daddy.”

Daddy issues confirmed.  Maybe this explains our dynamic and why we don’t talk much (read: at all).  Either that or she’s just really shy outside the bedroom.  Or both.  A few days later she hit me up and asked if I was free that night.  We were originally shooting for the following afternoon and I said that would be better for me.  Ten minutes later I came to my senses.  Passing up/postponing sex?  Was I crazy?  No, I wasn’t crazy, so I texted her again and said I’d make myself available.

When I brought her back here we spent a good deal of time rolling around in bed between kissing and foreplay.  She was definitely better at kissing this time, whereas in the beginning it felt like she was trying to chew my face off.  Finally we got to it and had sex another three times.  My bedroom floor was a minefield of condoms and wrappers.  She slept over again, and while there was still no conversation I noticed she was a bit more snuggly this time.

I woke up the next morning with her hands on my cock.  She sucked and stroked me, bringing me to the brink two or three times and before stopping.  Ugh.  It was torture.  We went for another round and I pounded her good and hard for a long time.  She was really into it, wrapping her legs around my back and then placing them over my shoulders.  I had to keep stopping myself so I wouldn’t splooge too soon, and when I did unload I collapsed on top of her shaking all over.  I earned some fresh bruises on my shoulder and wondered vaguely if that was her way of marking her territory.  The sex was only getting better and better, and I tossed her around a bit which she seemed to like.  Sure enough, I received the following text a few days later:


I was just wrapping up work the other day when I got a text asking if I was free that night.  Totally unexpected, but hell yeah I was.  I picked her up at 5PM and she came out to the car looking adorable in her oversize college sweatshirt and short white shorts.  I gripped and massaged her bare thigh all the way back to my place, and once here I pulled her clothes off to reveal matching white lace bra and panties.  Nice, very nice.  I was incredibly turned on already.

I went down on her, teasing her for as long as she could stand, and she did the same for me.  I told her to keep going until I came, and I very nearly did except I had a change of mind.  It was a tough choice, but I didn’t want to deprive her of a nice, hard dick.   So I flipped her over, handcuffed her hands behind her back, and went to town.  Needless to say I didn’t last long, and clearly I was on the right track because she bit into my arm so hard I nearly bled.  Even she was surprised when she saw what she did.

We lay there a bit as I fingered her, and she stroked me as well and I was hard again in no time at all.  Very short recovery time and within minutes we were at it again.  This time I lasted longer and pounded her deep and hard like she was begging me to.  I earned additonal bite marks in the process and we were a sweaty mess under the sheets when we were done.   Afterwards we cuddled and dozed until it was time to drive her back, and it was a silent ride as always.  I had long since given up trying to have a conversation with her.

I wished we had time for thirds or fourths, but all the students are being kicked out of university housing for the rest of the semester due to the coronavirus.  So she needed to gather her things and head back home to NJ.   I tried to give her as good a dicking as possible, because that may be the last time I see her for a while – if ever again.  Before we parted ways I told her she should take a trip out sometime, noting that the train station was just down the road from my house.

So we’ll see what happens, but if I don’t see her again we definitely had a good run.  I was incredibly lucky, and she’s the hottest girl I’ve been with by far.  Definitely made up for some lost time and missed opportunities with this one, although in the end the question remains – why did all this take so long and why did I struggle so much? Just bad luck all those years, or was it something more?

Oh well… onward and upward.

College Girl

I was a bit bummed out after date #70, wondering if my search for a FWB would be as fruitless and frustrating as my regular dating attempts.  So I was sat on the couch later that night swiping through Tinder when a new match popped up.  Damn.  She was a pretty young thing.  I didn’t get too excited; I’d had similar matches before and they all petered out.

Not this one though… we were barely a couple of minutes into chatting before she asked “when are you free?”  I said it was too bad we didn’t match earlier because I was free that night. (It was nearly 10 PM by that point.)

“Conveniently I’m also free tonight,” she replied.

Me:  “Are you now… well if it’s not too late for you, I’m down to meet somewhere.”

Her:  “Your place?”

Whoa, what?  Were we really moving this fast?  My guard went up.  “That’s an idea,” I said.  “You don’t want to meet me somewhere public first, make sure I’m not a psycho or anything?”

Her:  “Honestly I’m really just looking for sex.”   I sat bolt upright with a very surprised erection.  Well, shit.  Maybe my luck was about to change. Was this for real though? I was about to find out.

“lol works for me. I’m okay with you coming over if that’s what you want to do.  Let’s do it,” I said, despite my better judgment.  Once again the smaller of my two heads prevailed.  She was a student at the local university and didn’t have a car, so I gave her my address and she ordered herself an Uber.  In the meantime I made a mad dash around my house, showering and cleaning and securing my valuables.

She arrived a half-hour later and I was all ready for her.  I opened the door and she looked just like her pictures.  We exchanged greetings and she informed me that she’d just had her tits pierced so they were off-limits.  Dammit… and I’m such a boob guy too. “But we can do everything else,” she added.

“Not a problem,” I said.  “Shall we get to it?”  She smirked and rolled her eyes and headed off to my bedroom in response.  Well, it looked like we were doing this!  She was already sat on my bed by the time I got through the door.  If you’d told me a couple hours earlier that there’d be a smoking hot girl on my bed, I never would have believed it.  It was totally surreal.

I took a seat next to her and leaned in to kiss her. In a flash she was in my lap, straddling me and grabbing me everywhere – fistfuls of hair, cupping my face, seizing my back and shoulders and neck.  I was getting super hard, especially when she started tugging on the bottom of my shirt.  She rolled onto her back and pulled me on top of her, sliding one hand down the front of my pants to feel me.  Clothes were quickly shed and my face went in between her legs.  I certainly didn’t need any encouragement, but she was mashing my face into her pussy and arching her hips towards me.  She was so wet it dripped off my chin and left puddles on the sheets.

And she liked it rough.  With other girls, one finger inside was always enough, but she wanted a second and then a third.  Wowzers.  She was also into spanking.  Smack.  Harder.  Smack!  Harder.  SMACK.  HARDER!  I hit her so hard that my handprint was visible and the slaps echoed off the walls.  Hair pulling?  You betcha, and she kept indicating more force.  Then she wanted me to choke her.  I wrapped both hands around her throat while I fucked her, and she kept gasping for me to choke her harder until she could barely articulate the words.  Jesus Christ.

Unsurprisingly she was also a biter.  Not just my lips and tongue, but my dick went into her mouth a few times and I had bite marks there as well.  Ouch.  Finally I had to tell her to ease up a little, but not before she gave me my first hickey ever.  I proudly sported it the next day, hoping that at least one person would comment on it and I could just raise my eyebrows and give a sly smile in reply.  No such luck, but in any case we were at it for two hours that night and I felt like a new man the next morning.  Suddenly it seemed as if anything – and anyone – was possible.

We went for Round Two this past weekend, and it was even hotter – not least of all because her tits were open for business this time. I went to town on them and her lady parts. As usual I did my best to make sure she was satisfied.  Damn this girl is horny as all get out.  She never seems to get enough and I can barely keep up with her. Going to have to work on my stamina. After going through a few condoms we just lay there sweaty and tangled up in the bedsheets.

“Are you really 19?” I asked.


“So you like older guys?”

She laughed. “Obviously.”

Goddamn though… where the hell was this when I was in college? I guess I’m making up for it now. And this certainly makes up for the nonsense with #68.  This time she stayed the night, much to my delight. I woke up with her arms and legs wrapped around me and her hands stroking my member.  She did it with such a soft touch that it was driving me crazy, and it wasn’t long before I was inside her again, picking up where we’d left off the night before. She hooked her arms under mine and grabbed my back and my ass as I pounded her, whimpering into my ear how good it felt.

Needless to say I didn’t last long after that.

College Girl is not one for conversation.  Like… at all, unless it’s to tell me to go harder and faster.  Either she’s determined to keep things strictly sexual, or she’s just really shy otherwise.  Once you get her behind closed doors, though, she’s a wild animal.  Tinder really came through for me this time, after having had zero luck in the past.  Now we’re working on setting up Round 3, hopefully within the next few days.

The anticipation is killing me…

Friends With Benefits

I made it until the day after New Years before I downloaded Bumble again. I figured… “new year, new me” and all that bullshit, right?   After two weeks I’d racked up 125+ matches and landed my first date of 2020.

She was 38 and lived a good distance away so we chose a halfway point – a bar where I’ve met a few other online dates over the years.  I keep swearing off bars but it was a Wednesday so I figured it wouldn’t be that crowded or noisy.  The bar stools were occupied by douchey-looking guys who looked as if they rolled off an assembly line.  And the music was loud, but we grabbed a table near a corner where it was somewhat quieter.  We had fun comparing dating stories and such, but I wasn’t feeling anything towards her.  Then she disclosed that she had a kid.  Ugh, another undercover single mother.   That explained it.  So that’s another one down.

The next date was with Migraine Girl.  She was 29 and suffered chronic daily migraines and we had to reschedule a couple of times because of them.  She lives right by the farm I work at and we finally met up for lunch one Sunday.  However she warned me that she was getting another migraine so she might have to cut things short.  I couldn’t tell if she was acting a bit “meh” because of me or the migraines (or both), but when I asked about a second date the next day I got: “aw thanks.  You were very nice but I just didn’t feel a romantic vibe.”

Fuck this.

I downloaded Tinder right after that.  I’d tried Tinder once upon a time but it was a ghost town of activity.  Maybe it would be different this time.  And this time I was looking for a FWB.  I’d flirted with that once before but this was for real.  I was getting fed up with regular dating and I’ve been horny AF, so I felt like it was time to try something different.

I got a shitload of matches.  Dozens and dozens, and after a week I decided “what the hell” and paid for unlimited swipes.  There were also 75 outstanding likes and now I could see who they were.  Most were duds and a few were fake accounts, but I seemingly hit paydirt with this one chick. 

 She was down for a FWB thing and we exchanged numbers pretty quickly.  She sent me some body shots – nothing scandalous or revealing – but I could see her nipples poking through her shirt in a couple. Hot damn.

Long story short she suggested I come over to her place that night.  You know, watch a movie, “kiss me first and get that out of the way… and see what happens.”  She flooded my phone with winking emojis and questions about what I liked sexually.  I was a bit leery and suspicious that she was okay with a complete stranger coming over to her place without meeting somewhere neutral first.  “My driveway is pretty neutral,” she joked.  Um, okay then.  As usual my dick won out in the end and I headed over.

I texted her from her driveway that I had arrived and would meet her at the front door.  “Okay, I’ll be right down!”  Then I waited outside for ten minutes.  What the hell… Finally she opened the door, and I had wild ideas that after all that waiting she’d be answering in a see-through negligee or something.  Instead she was dressed in layers, even sporting a scarf.  Interesting.  Thankfully she looked just like her pictures.  She didn’t have her age on her Tinder profile but I estimated it was the same as mine.

We chit chatted as she led me to the living room couch.  I was wondering how to approach this but we just sat down continuing our conversation.  She was full of awkward energy and giving off a weird vibe.  She put on the movie Green Book, put her feet up on the coffee table and clasped her hands between her legs.  We sat there watching for a bit and I wondered whether she was waiting for me to make a move.  Eventually I put my arm around her but she didn’t react whatsoever.  Thought she might lean her head against me, or cuddle into me… nothing.  Didn’t even so much as glance at me, not even when I took one of her limp hands in mine.

Finally I went in for the kiss (as she had earlier suggested) but she leaned back as far away from me as she could, her eyes huge.  No, she wasn’t ready yet, she said.  Oof.  Awkward as fuck moment.  I sat back up, my face burning.  What was going on here?  My mind worked furiously as we continued watching the movie in silence.  So I just came right out and asked her:  Was she not feeling me?  Was she having a change of heart about the FWB thing?   Both?  She hemmed and hawed and fessed up that this was her first time having a guy over that she hadn’t met previously, and she acts differently when she thinks she might like someone.  And the whole time she was talking she didn’t even make eye contact, just stared at the blank wall over the TV.  And I mean blank – there was literally nothing on any of the walls and nary a stick of furniture in her house.  The place was barren.

When the movie was over she stretched her arms and said she had to go to bed.  Alone?  Yup.  All righty then.  I gathered my stuff and she walked me to the front door.  She asked if I wanted to have another movie night sometime, and I shrugged and said sure – thinking in the back of my mind “maybe there’ll be sex next time.”  Either she didn’t mean it or that was the wrong answer, because she unmatched with me on Tinder by the time I got back home.  I already knew there wasn’t going to be a next time. Thus concluded one of the weirdest encounters I’ve had.  Not in the Top Five but definitely in the Top Ten.  Strange shit.

I made sure to confirm with this one that she knew I was looking for something casual.  For all the griping I see about men not reading women’s profiles, I can’t tell you how often I’ve been balls deep in a conversation only to get an “oh wait, I just looked at your profile – I didn’t realize that  you were looking for a FWB.”  But this one was on board, so all that was left was to meet and see how we hit it off.  She was a cute little 29yo blondie and we met at the local brewery.  We’ve never been there before and it was a pretty cool place (note to self for future dates).  However she didn’t seem that interested in me.  I guess my looks were not enough to overcome my personality… or vice versa.  Damn.  I suggested the ol’ “come over and watch a movie” and left the ball in her court, but it’s been a week and a half without hearing from her.  We’re still matched on Tinder but… it looks like the end of the line.

This one lived a little ways away from me but I was in the area and we met for an afternoon of coffee and cards.  She was 28 and better looking than her pictures. I was digging her but wasn’t sure if she was digging me.  Finally I asked if she was okay with the FWB thing, because this was feeling more like a regular date than anything.  “I’m not actually sure I’m looking for that right now.  I thought I’d be okay with it, but some things have changed and now I’m not sure I want to do that.”  Jesus Christ.  But she had fun and thanked me for a great time, and that was that.

I was started to get a little fed up again, but then things changed in a way I never expected…

(to be continued)


I went on a second date with Nineteen.  Nothing big deal, just grabbed some food and caught up on things.  Once again, she was just as mature if not more so than some of the other girls I’ve gone out with.  And she earned major points when I learned that she doesn’t want kids or pets either.  However, neither of us is really looking for anything serious right now.  Nor do I think either of us feels any real attraction.  But we may still see each other occasionally, as friends.


I tried putting together an OKC profile where I was looking for FWB, but I wasn’t sure how to word things.  Several girls have messaged me, mostly of the “is this for real?” and “how come you’re still a virgin?” variety.  Curious passersby. There was one girl I was talking to who seemed to have potential, but she disappeared once I suggested meeting.  And funnily enough, I actually talked to The Jokester. She had updated her profile to include a bit about she’s looking for someone to potentially hook up with.  Oh?  She didn’t seem like the type, and I messaged her and told her so.  Her response was:

“Normally I’m not into hooking up, I’ll admit that. Honestly, I want a relationship; I want someone to care for me the way I will care for them, but at the same time, I know I’m better off alone. I won’t lose being my own person in the “we”, and I won’t break anyones heart, or my own. So I actually have been hooking up with someone who is literally moving to the other side of the country in a few months, and I can do what I was meant to do, be a charismatic person on their way to the top. Of the corporate ladder that is…”

Well, this shed an interesting light on things indeed.   I strongly suspect she was already hooking up with said guy at the time we went on our date.  We continued messaging for two weeks, but then the conversation ended and she took her profile down.  Methinks she’s decided to forget OKC and focus on her hookup buddy.  Just a theory.

Meanwhile, I’ve been wondering about Marine Girl. She had canceled last minute with the promise of rescheduling, only to never get back to me.  So I sent her a message (on my regular OKC profile) that boiled down to: “Hey… so whatever happened?”  This time she actually responded, and did so with a lengthy explanation and an apology.

She was talking to another guy at the same time she was talking to me, but he asked her out first and she felt even more of a spark with him than with me.  So she said she panicked and canceled our date.  “I fucked up,” she wrote. “I plain and simple handled the situation poorly. I am usually a very honest and straightforward person – which you have every right not to believe at this point, but for some reason I guess I just figured it would naturally dissolve and I wouldn’t have to address it any further.”

I was very appreciative of her honesty, and it was quite refreshing after all the other girls I’ve dealt with up to this point.  Within two messages we were literally writing each other essays – just like we had been doing the first time we talked on the site.  We fell back into our old rhythm with such ease that I said to her, “You wouldn’t still be interested in meeting… would you?  I feel like there might still be something here worth investigating.” She was hesitant to agree to a date, since she didn’t know if she’d be able to meet without expectation after all of this.  I assured her that we would be fine, because I was fairly confident that we would be.

And we were.  We went out for drinks Friday night, and I thought things were going great.  She was all smiles and laughter and playing with her hair while she was talking to me, but when I told her I wanted to see her again, she kinda laughed and said her verdict was “just as friends.”  Surprising.  Disappointing.  But okay, I can live with that.  She was just as witty and charming as I expected she’d be, and I would love to have her on board as a friend.

However, that was not meant to be either.  A day after our date, the word came down the pike:  “Upon further reflection I don’t think I’d be comfortable pursuing a friendship. We lead very different kinds of lives and I just don’t feel a common ground that could branch into a friendship.  All the best.”Wow.  That stung a little.  The tone of her message suggested I did something off-putting, but goddamned if I can figure out what that might be.

JBlondie was shocked when I shared this with her.  I’d shown her Marine Girl’s profile and she was like, “She’s perfect for you!”  I’d thought so too.  But apparently not.

Once I landed my first OKC date, it was like I broke the wall and other first dates came easily after that.  But now I’m up against another wall and I’m wondering whether it’s my virginity that’s somehow holding me back?  Maybe if I wasn’t a virgin, things would have ended differently with some of the girls I went on dates with.  Maybe I would have been bolder, more aggressive, more relaxed… something. I don’t know.  Even when it comes to finding a FWB, maybe it would be better to not be a virgin first?

If I really wanted to, I suppose I could completely lose my standards and just “get it over with.”  What do you think about losing your virginity just to lose it?  Not that I’m seriously considering it, but I’m curious as to your thoughts nonetheless.

First dates:  22
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6


For the longest time I’ve been seeking a serious, long-term relationship.  But I’ve grown so accustomed to being single and I relish my freedom and independence.  Not to mention that I’m so busy with work and extra-curricular activities that a relationship would just suck up my remaining time.  So I’m thinking… maybe it would be nice simply to have someone to occasionally do fun things with.  And stick my penis into.

In other words, I’m considering looking for a friend with benefits.

Friends With Benefits: Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake

Considering my situation this seems like a good starting point.  In any case it’s a possibility I’d like to investigate.

These feelings began their distant rumblings several months ago, intensifying when I came across this post by fellow blogger Tarnished Sophia.  She has a long-term monogamous FWB, and the more I read about their relationship, the more such an arrangement attracted me.  What’s more, she was considering finding a second FWB.

Her lover is the only person she’s ever had sex with.  Tarnished has a history of abuse at the hands of her stepfather, so many walls needed to come down first.  And after eight years together, her lover thought she was finally ready to take on a second partner.  While they’d always been monogamous, they have an open relationship.  He was going to be out of the picture for a while, and thought it would be a good idea for her to have someone on hand to help feed her insatiable appetite.

This is where I entered the picture.  I half-jokingly left a comment that I might be able to help her out if she were truly looking for “male or female disease-free virgins that don’t want children, marriage, commitment, or to live together…”  We exchanged emails for a few weeks, talked on the phone a couple of times, and finally set a date.  Even if we didn’t hit it off, she said she could still give me a blowjob so I’d have at least that much experience.  That sounded good to me, especially if she was as good at it as she said she was.  That alone had always been one of my biggest fantasies, but I’d long ago given up hope of it ever happening to me.

The day came and Tarnished and I finally met.  I was quite pleased with her appearance.  Assets like whoa.  I went in for a handshake but she went in for a hug instead, which surprised me considering how touch-averse she is with strangers.  She was also a lot more bubbly and talkative than I was expecting. We spent an hour eating a late breakfast at the diner (her treat) and then walked around town for a while.

“So what do you want to do now?” she finally asked.  I chuckled to myself.  Oh, you know what I want to do now… I felt like saying.

“I don’t know, that’s as far as I’ve planned,” I responded.  She laughed.  Then she informed me that she only had a little while left before she had to meet up with her family.  Oh.  We hadn’t set plans apart from what we’d already done, but I’d assumed I was going to have her to myself for the whole day.  My hopes crumbled under me as I looked at my watch and realized there wasn’t really enough time left for sex, especially since we still had yet to address that particular elephant and I didn’t want to do things in a rush.  It seemed apparent that this was just going to be the initial “interview” rather than a sex date. So I devoted our remaining time to talking about sex.  We drove to the outskirts of town to walk along a popular hiking trail, and it was here that I finally broached the subject (once the coast was clear of children or anybody else – we kept looking over our shoulders to make sure).

“So… I was wondering if you’ve decided whether to take me on as a partner?”  Tarnished hemmed and hawed, and started saying things like, “I’m probably not what you’re looking for,” and “I don’t think I could give you what you want”  Finally I sussed out the reason for her hesitation, and it turned out she was not really on board with the idea of taking on a second FWB.  It was more something that her lover wanted her to do, rather than something she wanted to do.

That settled it for me.  I wasn’t going to have her do anything she didn’t really want to do.  Had she taken my hand with a sly smile and said “are we going to do this or what?” or “let’s get out of here,” I would have been all-in.  But she’s also demisexual, so in any case she’s not attracted to me the way she’d need to be in order for us to do anything sexual past a one-time encounter.  She said she could still give me a blowjob if I wanted one, and that it would be really good, but I turned her down.  Yes, I turned down a blowjob, heavily aware that another opportunity may never arise.  No pun.  But I could tell she wasn’t keen on that idea either.  (She later told me that my declination was both a major relief and a huge letdown – she’d spent a lot of time pumping herself up mentally to do it.)

To be perfectly honest, at the time I wasn’t 100 percent sure about entering a FWB relationship but was willing to explore the possibility, but I knew that I wanted my first time to be with someone I felt comfortable with and trusted completely.  Tarnished fit the bill.  She’s amazingly caring and accepting and non-judgmental, and her lover is incredibly lucky to have someone like her in his life.  However, we were just not meant to be.  But I was grateful for the chance to meet her and we still had a fun time together.  And she considers our meeting a date so I will update the counter accordingly.


In other news, I have one last update on Shorty.  She would not stop bitching at me, so I finally I composed a lengthy message telling her to get fucked.  Those weren’t the words I used – in fact, in contrast to the way she’d been talking to me lately, I used no swear words at all – but that was the jist of it.  I detailed exactly what my problems with her were, concluding my essay with “if this is how you act towards people, then maybe that’s why you’re having such a miserable time on the dating scene.  Just a thought.  So goodbye and good luck to you.”

Within the next hour I received seven missed calls, four voicemails, and two texts.  I deleted them all without looking or listening.  And that was that.  All has been silent ever since, and what a goddamned relief that is…

First dates:  21
Second dates:  2
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6