Just when I was getting into my stride, too. However, nobody close to me is sick or dying or dead, so I can’t really complain. And I’m lucky to say that, considering how close we are to the epicenter. As of this writing there have been over 22,000 deaths in New York state alone. The daily toll has gone down but we’re still losing 400 people on average. Yet some people I know still think it’s much ado about nothing, a big hoax, a Democratic power grab, caused by 5G networks, or some other nonsense.
There’s no telling what effect this will have on dating once things get back to normal (whatever “normal” will mean). Dating will either be freakishly easy because everyone will be horny and desperate after being cooped up for so long, or freakishly difficult because they’ll be more afraid of catching covid than an STD. In the meantime I have to laugh because now everyone’s in the same boat: can’t get a date, can’t meet anyone, can’t get laid… hey, welcome to what was my world for 30 years.
I was still swiping on Tinder and Bumble the whole time I was banging College Girl. I felt slightly guilty but – knowing my luck – things could go sideways real fast and I wanted a backup plan. Sure enough, things ended with College Girl, but due to unforeseen circumstances outside our control. Maybe we’ll get a chance to hookup again, but I’m not counting on it. However, I racked up a few more dates before the quarantine began and people started panic-buying toilet paper (for reasons still unclear to me).
33 years old, from Bumble. Another teacher. We were supposed to meet at this indie coffee shop but they unexpectedly closed early, so we ended up at Starbucks instead. It was an above average date. We talked for two and a half hours and had a nice flow. She’s one of the rare few who actually likes to compare dating stories and experiences. But while she’s recently out of a relationship and supposedly on board with the idea of something casual, she wanted to take it slow and spend more time getting to know each other outside the bedroom first.
Yeah…that sounds more like traditional dating to me. I don’t think that’s how this FWB stuff works. I suspected she wasn’t fully on board after all. She gave me her phone and told me to put my number in, but after texting a couple of times she went MIA. Suspicions confirmed. Although, during our conversation we’d found out I’d once gone on an OkCupid date with one of her friends (Melody, girl #23). It’s a long story how that came up, but talk about a small world. Maybe that had something to do with her ghosting on me.
She was 46, from Tinder, and my oldest date yet. I should have listened to my instincts and not wasted my time with this one, but I have this awful habit of giving people a chance. The initial warning was when I opened Tinder and found two messages from her. The first message was some general question, followed by “oh well, guess you’re not interested in meeting. Good luck to you.” I checked the timestamps and they were sent eight minutes apart. Seriously? “Geez, how about giving me a chance to respond?” I wrote back, and she sent me a facepalm emoji.
Then I suggested a place to meet. “Are they open today?” I answered that they should be and she came back with, “well, why don’t you put on your big boy pants and call and find out,” as if I hadn’t already intended to do so. Normally I would have taken her passive-aggressive attitude and told her to pound sand, but I’m just looking for a sex partner right now so I’m not as fussy. When we met she asked me lots of questions which I was happy to expound upon, but she was pretty tight-lipped when I turned the questioning around on her.
I grew irritated as we were in a noisy-as-fuck bar on a Saturday night, and I was losing my voice from having to talk louder and louder until I was almost shouting. Meanwhile she was one of those people with no concept of traveling of sound and maintains the same speaking volume no matter the situation. I was losing interest and the feeling was mutual. She didn’t talk much and didn’t want to answer questions, so I turned my attention to the live music starting up – which she wrinkled her nose at. What a stick in the mud.
Finally I called it a night and bid her adieu. Waste of an hour and a half. Earlier in the night I had broached the FWB topic and she was like, “this isn’t a date, it’s a meeting” and “I don’t like to put a label on things,” adding that she likes to be friends first and see what happens. Once again… I don’t think that’s how this works. I figure you match, meet up and see if you get along and find each other physically attractive, and move onto the fucking. At least that’s how it works in my mind. Am I oversimplifying it? I don’t think so, because College Girl came right over to my place to have sex without preamble. I struck gold with her, so I’m sure I can do it again.
I had one last date (33yo, from Bumble) before quarantine started. Once again it felt more like a traditional date, although it was a unique choice of venue – the beach in wintertime. I never thought I’d find someone else into stuff like that. However, everyone else in the world had the same idea because it was packed like the middle of July instead of March. We walked six feet apart, doing the whole social distancing thing. That lent itself to a weird dynamic, although she did venture close enough to sample the homemade cookies I’d brought for us to munch on. We got off to a good start but by the end it seemed we were running out of things to talk about. And that was that. No contact afterwards.
That’s it for the foreseeable future. I won’t be doing virtual or Zoom dates or any of that nonsense. However I matched with someone on Tinder who possibly shed some light on my struggles. First she admitted she hadn’t read my bio first, so she wasn’t interested in a FWB. Then she psychoanalyzed me based on my pictures, telling me that I wanted kids, that I’m looking for something meaningful, and “you crave connections, bro.” Dafuq? Why, because I was holding an animal? Then she went on to suggest that I retool my Tinder profile, because “anyone advertising FWB subconsciously wants something.”
Yeah. I don’t know what to make of this – thoughts anyone?
And last but not least, I have something exciting to announce in my next post. I’m expanding my social media presence onto Instagram. Details coming soon…