Cockblock-19

Just when I was getting into my stride, too.  However, nobody close to me is sick or dying or dead, so I can’t really complain.  And I’m lucky to say that, considering how close we are to the epicenter.   As of this writing there have been over 22,000 deaths in New York state alone.  The daily toll has gone down but we’re still losing 400 people on average.  Yet some people I know still think it’s much ado about nothing, a big hoax, a Democratic power grab, caused by 5G networks, or some other nonsense.

There’s no telling what effect this will have on dating once things get back to normal (whatever “normal” will mean).  Dating will either be freakishly easy because everyone will be horny and desperate after being cooped up for so long, or freakishly difficult because they’ll be more afraid of catching covid than an STD.  In the meantime I have to laugh because now everyone’s in the same boat:  can’t get a date, can’t meet anyone, can’t get laid… hey, welcome to what was my world for 30 years.

I was still swiping on Tinder and Bumble the whole time I was banging College Girl.  I felt slightly guilty but – knowing my luck – things could go sideways real fast and I wanted a backup plan.  Sure enough, things ended with College Girl, but due to unforeseen circumstances outside our control.  Maybe we’ll get a chance to hookup again, but I’m not counting on it.  However, I racked up a few more dates before the quarantine began and people started panic-buying toilet paper (for reasons still unclear to me).

#72
33 years old, from Bumble.  Another teacher.   We were supposed to meet at this indie coffee shop but they unexpectedly closed early, so we ended up at Starbucks instead.  It was an above average date.  We talked for two and a half hours and had a nice flow.  She’s one of the rare few who actually likes to compare dating stories and experiences.  But while she’s recently out of a relationship and supposedly on board with the idea of something casual, she wanted to take it slow and spend more time getting to know each other outside the bedroom first.

Yeah…that sounds more like traditional dating to me.  I don’t think that’s how this FWB stuff works.  I suspected she wasn’t fully on board after all.  She gave me her phone and told me to put my number in, but after texting a couple of times she went MIA.  Suspicions confirmed.   Although, during our conversation we’d found out I’d once gone on an OkCupid date with one of her friends (Melody, girl #23).  It’s a long story how that came up, but talk about a small world.  Maybe that had something to do with her ghosting on me.

#73
She was 46, from Tinder, and my oldest date yet.  I should have listened to my instincts and not wasted my time with this one, but I have this awful habit of giving people a chance.  The initial warning was when I opened Tinder and found two messages from her.  The first message was some general question, followed by “oh well, guess you’re not interested in meeting.  Good luck to you.”  I checked the timestamps and they were sent eight minutes apart.  Seriously?  “Geez, how about giving me a chance to respond?” I wrote back, and she sent me a facepalm emoji.

Then I suggested a place to meet.  “Are they open today?”  I answered that they should be and she came back with, “well, why don’t you put on your big boy pants and call and find out,” as if I hadn’t already intended to do so.  Normally I would have taken her passive-aggressive attitude and told her to pound sand, but I’m just looking for a sex partner right now so I’m not as fussy.   When we met she asked me lots of questions which I was happy to expound upon, but she was pretty tight-lipped when I turned the questioning around on her.

I grew irritated as we were in a noisy-as-fuck bar on a Saturday night, and I was losing my voice from having to talk louder and louder until I was almost shouting.  Meanwhile she was one of those people with no concept of traveling of sound and maintains the same speaking volume no matter the situation.  I was losing interest and the feeling was mutual.  She didn’t talk much and didn’t want to answer questions, so I turned my attention to the live music starting up – which she wrinkled her nose at.  What a stick in the mud.

Finally I called it a night and bid her adieu.  Waste of an hour and a half.  Earlier in the night I had broached the FWB topic and she was like, “this isn’t a date, it’s a meeting” and “I don’t like to put a label on things,” adding that she likes to be friends first and see what happens.   Once again… I don’t think that’s how this works.  I figure you match, meet up and see if you get along and find each other physically attractive, and move onto the fucking.  At least that’s how it works in my mind.  Am I oversimplifying it?  I don’t think so, because College Girl came right over to my place to have sex without preamble.  I struck gold with her, so I’m sure I can do it again.

#74
I had one last date (33yo, from Bumble) before quarantine started.  Once again it felt more like a traditional date, although it was a unique choice of venue – the beach in wintertime.  I never thought I’d find someone else into stuff like that.  However, everyone else in the world had the same idea because it was packed like the middle of July instead of March.  We walked six feet apart, doing the whole social distancing thing.  That lent itself to a weird dynamic, although she did venture close enough to sample the homemade cookies I’d brought for us to munch on.  We got off to a good start but by the end it seemed we were running out of things to talk about.  And that was that.  No contact afterwards.

***

That’s it for the foreseeable future.  I won’t be doing virtual or Zoom dates or any of that nonsense.  However I matched with someone on Tinder who possibly shed some light on my struggles.  First she admitted she hadn’t read my bio first, so she wasn’t interested in a FWB.  Then she psychoanalyzed me based on my pictures, telling me that I wanted kids, that I’m looking for something meaningful, and “you crave connections, bro.”  Dafuq?  Why, because I was holding an animal?  Then she went on to suggest that I retool my Tinder profile, because “anyone advertising FWB subconsciously wants something.”

Yeah.  I don’t know what to make of this – thoughts anyone?

And last but not least, I have something exciting to announce in my next post.  I’m expanding my social media presence onto Instagram.  Details coming soon…

31 thoughts on “Cockblock-19

  1. The 46 year old date was a complete waste of time… you should have ended that after the 8 minute patience test.
    Also FWB is completely enough to translate you want FWB. I think the second woman was putting her own past experiences and mistakes on your profile. I would highly recommend blocking and moving on.

    • Oh she’s long gone, I unmatched with her a while ago. She probably was projecting, who knows. Just bizarre. “FWB means something different to females.” Huh?

      I should have ended it after the 8 minute thing. I don’t know why I didn’t. Literally the same exact thing happened to me once back in the OkCupid days.

  2. I’ve met 9 guys on Tinder and technically used the app for less than 2 months (over a span of 1 year) because I primarily only use it when I travel. I’m picky with who I’d meet up with off Tinder or who I’d hook up with in general. I kind of consider meeting up with people from Tinder almost like going on a blind date because it’s hard to tell from just pictures if I’m definitely attracted to the guy (lots of guys suck at taking pics) and you might not vibe with each other IRL. There was 1 guy I matched on Tinder who looked attractive in pictures and was upfront about just wanting to fuck prior to meeting, so I was okay with it ATM. When I met him IRL, he wasn’t bad but I just wasn’t that attracted to him, so I told him he looked different and left immediately. After that, I made it a personal rule to NEVER agree to meet up with a guy just to fuck before actually meeting in person because it’s awkward as hell to walk out of that situation.

    I’d have to think the guy is very good looking in his pictures for me to go to his place agreeing to hook-up before actually meeting IRL (only did this 1-2 times). For me, if I’m really physically attracted to the guy, he can get away with more (as in if I think he’s hot, he can be upfront about wanting to fuck and I’d find it funny instead of creepy). If I think a guy I match with on Tinder is decently attractive in pics but I’m not 100% sure how attracted I am to him, it would take more from him for me to want to hook up. That’s where the chemistry and personality weighs in to build that attraction. Not every girl is the same though and how I think/act might not represent majority of females, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

    You should treat your Tinder profile as real estate – make your bio interesting by showing your sense of humor and/or cool interests (don’t just say looking for FWB, otherwise you’d seem like a dime in a dozen). Link your Instagram and add as many pics as possible on Tinder (good pics obviously; maybe get female opinion on which pics of you are good). If you have a good body, include a shirtless pic because it helps. Dating is a “numbers game”. It also just depends what the girl is looking for, what her standards are, and how open she is to just hooking up. You might have better luck finding a FWB with girls that are under 30 years old because they could be more open to just hooking up (I could be wrong on this though because I don’t know many women over 30; but to me, it seems like hook-up culture is more common with younger generations). Many girls in their late 20’s and older that I know tend to look for more committed relationships.

    Also, I think the girl who messaged you tips on Tinder does not fully understand men. From my experience, guys are pretty straightforward and if they say they just want to fuck and don’t want kids, they truly just want to fuck and don’t want kids. They aren’t deep down hoping for more.

    Sorry this was so long. Hopefully this was somewhat helpful.

    • Guess I’m very good looking then. 😏 I was surprised College Girl wanted to come right over to my place. I even offered to meet somewhere neutral first but she didn’t want to.

      That basically is how I treat my Tinder profile, but this one was telling me I was giving off the wrong signals by doing the very things you suggested. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was right in this observation, only because when I match and meet girls, I still feel like I’m being interviewed for a boyfriend position. I’m not sure about including shirtless pics though, because I’ve been under the impression that women find those uncouth, regardless of what they’re looking for?

  3. Oh my god, I’m so glad I got caught up – but not so glad about this particular post. Yikes.

    One dud I dated was one of those movie buffs who bragged about his career (some sort of engineer) but was financially unstable to the point of needing to split the cost of a charcuterie board and a bottle of wine with me. Even though, at the time, I was waitressing at a different spot, I just laughed and took care of the whole thing. The 46 y/o date sounded a lot like him.

    And wow, sounds like the second lady was doing all kinds of projecting, maybe trying to smooth out the edges her ex had frayed. Do not even waste your time.

    One thing I will say is welcome to the Instagram family! Would be nice to have your presence there as well!

  4. I’m a female, and I get turned off by guys who say they want FWB on their profile. I think it limits the number of potential matches. I wanted to have a ‘normal relationship’ but ended up being FWB with someone. I think it should be left for the first conversation rather than it being your ‘label’, if that makes sense. I think 50% of women swipe left purely from the bio, even though they would still probably sleep with the guy on a first date.

    • I’ve already been on 75 first dates that were mostly duds, so I don’t see them going any differently if I save the FWB conversation for then. That’s not to say I can’t refine my FWB approach, but to me it makes more sense to be upfront about what I’m looking for and find someone on the same page, than to potentially waste more chunks of time.

  5. Fascinating stories, as always and a true variety of opinions in the comments. I’m with you, be honest about the two things you want, but I guess you could leave a bit of a question mark, because as I understand it, you would start a relationship with the right person. So maybe (if dating ever gets back to ‘normal’) you could say something like ‘Definitely no kids but I’m open to FWB or a relationship with the right person’.Probably 5000 different opinions on that alone, but stating your truth is my suggestion. I’m coming to the US next year now, due to the whole Covid thing obviously, and it scares the hell out of me that there are so many deaths and infections there. I just hope it will all be over by October 2021! Stay safe 🙂

    • There’s only one thing I want right now and I don’t want to complicate that by saying “open to a relationship too.” I’ve already wasted time on two or three matches that way. If a relationship develops, fine, but what I had going on with College Girl is ideal for me at this stage. I did retool my profile, although I deactivated both Bumble and Tinder shortly afterwards. It’s going to be some time before lockdown is lifted, and I don’t have the patience or energy to be spinning plates for weeks.

      I totally forgot you were planning on coming to the US! Looks like 2021 indeed – is NY on your itinerary?

      • Yes we are starting our trip in Boston and working our way around New England then down through the centre of New York State through to Pennsylvania, then West Virginia and flying out of Washington DC. We are avoiding NYC though. Closest we will be to NYC will New Hampshire or Connecticut?

        • No-no, not at all, Ms. Lawrence.
          The western terminus of New England is New York State—no matter from where you exit west from New England (Vermont, Massachusetts or Connecticut), you will be in the State of New York, and remain so until driving south into Pennsylvania. The only questions are your length of time in the state and the areas to be visited. What you term “the centre of New York State,” would that be the Syracuse/Binghamton/Finger Lakes region?

    • Ha ha – no not at all related to Covid. We planned the trip before Corona (BC) and it is based on only having a month and wanting to do a proper road trip of all the national and state parks, wild places, mountains, lakes and New England scenery (in fall). I am not much interested in cities and I’m afraid that NYC has lost even more of its appeal now 🙂 And Long Island eh? Well we can chat via email to see if a meet-up would work. It’s 18 months away now!

  6. The FWB thing doesn’t bother me – if I wasn’t looking for that kind of thing I’d just swipe left. Done deal. You filter out the people that don’t want that kind of relationship by being up front about it in the beginning. When I was single, I’d let people know that I was into dating casually and didn’t want anything really serious. This came up in the first few conversations I had with them before meeting, it honestly saved time and wouldn’t result in an awkward meeting. I was open to it blossoming into something if I felt it, but for the time being I was just looking to get some dick ;).
    The girl saying that you’re sending out mixed signals is kind of confusing and I don’t really understand her reasoning. Some girls, sure, would want to try and “change your mind”, but that’s pretty rare I think. I could be wrong, but I respect the up front approach way more than having the conversation later down the line.

    • Agree on being upfront. I clarified for some girl on Bumble that I was looking for a primarily sexual relationship and she went “lol good luck with that then” and unmatched. Meanwhile she had selected “something casual” on her profile. Huh? Wth did that mean for her then? I’ll never know.

      Btw I read your latest post where you talked about age differences. How does 19 and 35 strike you? Would you have ever considered that when you were 19?

      • Oh fuck, definitely I would have. I mean, if they’re cute and willing, of course. Also, this is to say if it’s a purely physical relationship. I feel like my 19 year old self wouldn’t really be able to find similar interests for that kind of relationship to be a lasting one, but that’s just me.

  7. Fuck man if you were in my hellacious hole in the wall area, I’d sign up for the whole fwb. I’m not sure I can deal w having my heart slaughtered again.

    With that said, many women go into fwb with the hope that oh he will actually be the one.

    If he doesn’t want to date you he isn’t going to marry you. Just fuck or move on.

    Now with that said, in the past some of my best fwb were actually very good friends as well, so something to think about.

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