The Virgin Mary

I gave it a month after my breakup before I re-downloaded Bumble.  I noticed a couple of changes.  First, they no longer show when someone’s read your message.  Second, they have swiping limits now.  I hit them during my first few days on the app, but haven’t since.  Anyway, I picked up a bunch of matches, albeit at a slightly slower pace than during my last few stints on Bumble.

 

#63
I thought I hit paydirt with this one.  31, Lived only a few miles away, didn’t want kids, cute as hell, and the conversation was fire.  She was willing to meet sooner rather than later, so we set a date at a craft brewery the following night.  Things seemed off from the get-go.  As soon as I showed up she was low-energy and a bit meh.  I did my best but things didn’t flow like they did online.  This has happened to me quite a few times and it’s frustrating as hell.  It’s even more frustrating when you feel like the only one making an effort.  I’ve literally made up index cards of questions and topics in the past and studied them beforehand in case things lagged.  I didn’t do that this time but – social media ninja that I am – I’d found her on Facebook and combed through her interests.  Even working some of those into the conversation didn’t breathe more life into the proceedings.  The last straw was when she picked up her phone for the tenth time and it looked like she was messaging someone on Bumble.  Okay.  I downed the rest of my drink and told her good night.

 

#64
This one definitely went better than the last.  29, also lived a few miles away, also didn’t want kids (woohoo!), but her pictures were a tiny bit suspect.  We met at a bar, and I warmed up to her over the course of the evening.  For once the in-person banter matched the online banter. We traded stories back and forth, compared dating experiences, talked about our crazy families.  We sat at the bar stools with our legs touching, and I was going to go in for the kiss afterwards but I got the cheek instead.  Oof.  Okay.   The next day I texted her to reiterate what a nice time I had, and she concurred.  I dithered about, wondering if I should ask for a second date.  In the end I took my indecision as a sign and just left it at that.

 

#65
Finally!  A great first date and an even better second date.  The two best dates I’ve had in a long, long time.  Unfortunately there won’t be a third…

She was 28, lived a little further away, cute as hell, but unfortunately wanted kids.  That came up pretty early in our online conversation, and I warned her that I didn’t and that wasn’t going to change.  So if that wasn’t going to work for her, I’d understand.  Nevertheless she persisted, but I knew this was going to have a short shelf life.  That’s okay, though – I’m open to short-term dating.

Our first date was at a board game cafe, which worked out perfectly because she loves board games and hosts regular game nights.  We were there for three and a half hours.  Afterwards we waited outside for her Uber and I put my arms around her to keep her warm.  “You know, we have time for one more thing…” I said.

“What’s that?” she asked, grinning up at me.  I leaned down to kiss her in response.  It was a bit awkward with the height difference, but it was still really nice.  We made out in the shelter of a doorway for a minute until her ride pulled up, and I skipped across the intersection as she pulled away.  Now that was more like it!  Finally, a great first date.  There was definitely going to be a second.  It was a week and a half before she had another free night, during which the anticipation was killing me.

This time we went to an Italian restaurant, putting away the food and wine for three hours.  Instead of calling another Uber, I offered to drive her home and she accepted.  Five minutes in and she brought up the whole not-having-kids issue again.  “I hate to be a debbie downer…” she began.  She’s looking to get married and have kids as soon as possible, and if I was dead-set on no kids… but she really liked me and was confused as to what do.  Maybe we could just date casually?  I said I was open to that, yet she was still uncertain.

By this time we were back at her house.  I pulled into the driveway and we sat there continuing our discussion.  She was all in a dither about things.  We interrupted our chat for another makeout sesh.  This one was pretty hot and heavy.  She tilted her seat back and pulled me over to her side so I could get on top of her.  I lost track of the time but we must have been at it for a half-hour.  She even let me feel her up and – after I confided being driven crazy by her low-cut shirt on our first date – she hiked her sweater up so I could pull her tits out of her bra for a better look.  They were awesome.

Then she dropped another bomb.  She was a virgin.  Well, I can relate to being a virgin at 29.  I even like the idea of being someone’s first.  But she told me she was a “good Catholic girl” and saving herself for marriage.   OMGWHAT?  So if we were to date casually, there wouldn’t even be sex.  Wtf would we be doing then?  I knew she was politically conservative (itself a potential issue down the road), but to be sexually conservative as well?   Yeah, this wasn’t going to work at all.  So long story short we parted ways.  Sucks because we got on so well and really liked each other.

So that’s the latest.  If nothing else I got some kissing and titty action. Now if I could just find someone like her who’s also a huge slut…

Just wondering – should I bring back the date counter?  What do y’all think?