Reproduction

childfree

I do not want kids.  Not now, not ever.  Nor do I want to deal with anyone else’s kids.  Even if I liked kids, I couldn’t rationalize a single reason for having them – between the emotional and financial burden and the possibility of a Mad Max-like dystopian future.

Some people feel that children give their life meaning, but I do not feel my life is meaningless without them.  And I do not feel for one second that I’m missing out on anything.  I see other people with kids and all I can think is: “Thank god that’s not me.”

This provokes a variety of reactions, ranging from confusion to consternation.  And I’m a man.  I can only imagine what childfree women have to deal with.  I’m especially amused by people who accuse me of being selfish.  Okay, so… what’s the problem?  Shouldn’t you be glad I’m not having kids then?  Do you want me to be a shitty parent with an unwanted child?  It’s not like we don’t have enough of those already.

Speaking of parents, people like my dad think it’s my religious duty to have offspring.  Of course he would think that.  Thanks to him, I spent my formative years picketing and praying outside abortion clinics, absorbing rocks and bottles and insults from passersby.   Sorry, but slavish devotion to religious dogma is not going to work as a reason for me either.  I gave up religion a long time ago and couldn’t give two flips about “be fruitful and multiply.”

Others wink at me and go, “Well, you say that now, but just wait until you meet the right person.”  Huh?  How does the “right person” suddenly make me like or want kids?  And if she wanst kids, then how is she the right person?  Which brings me to dating.  I’ve been adamant about not wanting kids over the course of this blog.  What I had been less certain about was when and whether to disclose it during the dating process.

Part of me thought that honesty was the best policy.  The rest of me thought that was an exceptionally bad idea.  I was already having horrible luck with women; shooting myself in the foot wouldn’t help.  But I also didn’t think it was fair to lead anyone on or waste their time. I didn’t have the heart to lie, even though some encouraged me to do just that.  The first time it came up on a date, I was honest and it tanked the rest of the evening.  After that I did my best to waffle or avoid the subject altogether.

That was pre-virginity loss.  Now with that out of the way, and plenty of dating experience under my belt, I have less fucks to give.  My luck with women may have marginally improved since then, but I care a lot less about the results.  Now I don’t hesitate to say, “I don’t want kids.”  I’m not going to hide anything.  If they don’t like that, then too bad.  We’re simply incompatible for the long-term.  However, I’d still be consider a fling.

Speaking of flings – you may remember there were a couple of girls I was eyeballing as potentials.  I mentioned them in previous posts.  Long story short, I lost interest and moved on.  I figured that was that and things would remain as they were.  But then things changed in a way I never expected or thought possible.  I met someone, and have an exciting new story to tell.

More on that next…

14 thoughts on “Reproduction

  1. I’m delighted you don’t want kids- Sir David Attenborough says overpopulation is the world’s biggest problem- and your honesty is great. I therefore hope you are getting a vasectomy so all your partners can relax about their contraception responsibilities, & you can all enjoy the freedom of that particular kind of sex…

  2. I agree with L and G. I’m so excited for you too! I don’t think we all have a responsibility to multiply and until I was in my early 30s I was just like you. That’s not to say (coyly) that you’ll change. According to several studies on motherhood and attachment, about a third of women are ambivalent or uninterested in raising children. I’d imagine that number is higher for men. You just need to find your woman in this bracket and hope she doesn’t change her mind – or maybe you have already found her? 😉

  3. My parents have 4 kids and will only have 1 grandkid. And both of my sisters actually wanted kids until they got older and decided it wasn’t going to suit their life. My parents are sad (because clearly my kid isn’t enough), but like you, no fucks are given by anyone. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think the honesty is great. If someone didn’t want to have kids, it was a deal breaker for me. Better figure it out before we waste money on a date 😂

    • I’m the last of six kids and I only have one niece and nephew. And that looks like that’s gonna be it. My mother thinks two grandkids is more than enough. Meanwhile Dad is pissed that there aren’t more. And he thinks there are supposed to be more, since two of my siblings are married.

  4. Sorry I missed this one. While I do want kids I have one friend – well so called friend as I’ve avoided contact with him – once outright said “When am I going to have children so he can relate to me better?” All I could say is that I’m working on it, however, it was really an offensive statement to make in my opinion. But then he does have children himself and has used them to mooch money off of me. If he’s trying to portray himself as an example for me, now I recognize that he’s done an awful job of that.

    I respect you for knowing what you want. I think that you have earned that at least to decide that you don’t want anyone with children or children of your own. Me personally I’m waiting for that special person to have children with and I’m working hard to be ready for that time to be able to take care of children. I won’t just to it to satisfy someone only to be miserable myself later.

  5. I just came across your blog, and have started reading up on some posts. This is a great one.
    It seems impossible to find people who don’t want kids these days.

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