Just marked the five year anniversary of my blog. Wow… I can’t believe it’s been that long. I’ve come a long way since I started this, although in some ways I still feel like I’m in the same place. While I’ve finally shaken the albatross of virginity, my sexual experience is still frustratingly limited. Another year has ticked by with little to show for it. However I did have a flurry of dates after my experience with Jane. Unfortunately they were all a bust and I consigned Bumble to the rubbish heap once again.
First one up was a 37yo nurse. 85-90 percent of the women I see online are teachers, nurses or social workers, so she fit right in. And once again I seemed to hit it off with someone older. Only four years older, but still. She messaged me saying my pictures were awesome, that I seemed like a fun/funny guy, and that she’d love to chat. So we chatted, and before long things were pretty flirty.
We met a few days later during her work break. I’ll be happy never seeing the inside of a Starbucks ever again, but it was quick and convenient. We were also keen to meet and didn’t want to put it off any longer. I liked her and thought we got on well, despite her dropping a bomb about being married before. I had no idea. She had to get back to work at the end of the hour. She gave me a quick hug, and when I asked about seeing her again she said “we’ll see” and trotted off.
I knew what that meant. Sure enough, she went from texting 24/7 to complete radio silence. Didn’t respond to my follow up either. Apparently that date didn’t go as well as I’d thought. But I had an old instrument I’d wanted appraised and the music shop happened to be right across the street, so it wasn’t a wasted trip. They told me they could fix it for 300, or buy it from me for 100. I went with Option B, and that’s another item off my longstanding to-do list.
I double-booked for the second time in my life. A few hours after I met Nurse Ghost, I went out to dinner with a 32yo who worked for a nature conservancy. It was nice to talk to someone with a unique career, and in a field of great interest to me. We also had much in common with our musical and artistic backgrounds.
She warned me that she was shy and awkward, but that she was also very forward and didn’t have a problem making the first move. Shy and awkward, but forward? Uh… okay. However when we met she was neither shy nor awkward nor forward – just disinterested, evidenced by several glances at her phone. I’ll admit my own interest was dampened when she disclosed that she was a single mom.
Buzzkill. I did my best to keep things light and fun, but I didn’t seem to be making any headway. She asked little about myself in return, and by the time the check came it was clear neither of us was keen on prolonging the evening. Afterwards we hugged good night went our separate ways. By the time I got back to my car I’d already removed her from my contacts. I’ve added and deleted more girls’ phone numbers than I can count at this point.
I was almost ready to throw in the towel but I had one more lined up – a young hot 26yo. I almost couldn’t believe she was interested in me. She was a teacher (the number one profession of online daters). We had a shared love of animals, the outdoors, being adventurous and trying new things. We compared our to-do lists and decided to try an escape-room challenge together.
We settled on the “Killer Countdown.” She joked that she scared easily and might be clutching onto me. Then she wanted to FaceTime to make sure I wasn’t a psycho before we got locked in a room together. I’d never FaceTimed before. It felt a bit weird but it was cool at the same time. We chatted for ten or fifteen minutes and expressed our excitement about meeting.
The next night I met her outside the escape room place. She came round the corner already looking less than enthused. Turns out she reread the description online and learned we started the challenge chained to the wall, and she didn’t like that idea. Before I could worry about that, we still had to figure out how to get into the building since the doors were locked. I joked about that being part of the challenge, but she didn’t make a sound.
We ended up having to go around the back, and she was even more uncomfortable when she discovered we were the only ones there. It’s common to be part of a group, but it was just the two of us. You should have seen her face. Well, I’d bought the tickets online and they were non-refundable. There were five other rooms to choose from so I suggested we try a different one – maybe something less scary like the Game Room?
Nope, she didn’t even want to do that. She grimaced at me and suggested we go somewhere and for a drink instead (which had been the plan for afterwards). Sigh. So I talked to the guy there and managed to switch our tickets to the next night, but I already sensed she wouldn’t be joining me. As we walked out of the building she hinted that going for drinks would have been a better way way to get know each other than an escape room challenge.
I felt like a total ass when she said that. Was this really a bad idea? Then I was annoyed and bewildered, because I had included her in the decision-making. This shouldn’t have been a surprise. I didn’t spring this on her out of nowhere. And what happened to all that jazz about being adventurous and trying new things? What happened to the bubbly, energetic girl I had FaceTimed with? She was walking along with a somber expression like we were going to a funeral.
I tried cracking another joke to lighten the atmosphere. I’d stalked her Facebook and knew she was political, so I said, “meanwhile there’s a real life escape challenge going on in DC – they locked 100 Senators in a room and they have until midnight to prevent a government shutdown.” Still nothing. Tough crowd. We made small talk and then we were accosted by a homeless person. I didn’t understand any of his rambling speech except for his last sentence when he asked for some money.
I was in a charitable mood – plus she was watching me – so I fished out a dollar and gave it to him. Then she gave him a 20-dollar bill. “Wow, that was really generous of you,” I remarked as we continued down the sidewalk. That finally animated her. She launched into an impassioned speech about how she doesn’t judge people for their circumstances and it’s hard to ask people for money and why shouldn’t he have enough to get a meal, etc. etc. Okay, I get it. Just tell me I’m stingy then.
Before we met the homeless guy I was already wondering why I was bothering with this chick. Apparently she was wondering the same about me, because she was texting every two minutes at the bar. Each time I’d stop talking and wait for her to put the phone down. I asked her about her teaching and her eyes lit up as she gushed about working with developmentally disabled kids. Otherwise she was a bit clammed up.
Another text came in. She picked up her phone yet again and I was stunned when she asked if I minded her friend Zachary joining us. Apparently he lived in the area. Say what? Were things going that badly that she needed the phone-a-friend lifeline? I was so caught off guard that I didn’t know what to say besides, “um, no, I don’t mind.” I figured she must have been really uninterested to pull a stunt like that.
In retrospect I should have just said good night, but I stupidly sat and continued talking to her. I had a tall glass of beer I didn’t want to waste, and a small and silly part of my brain that thought I could still salvage things. As soon as we finished our drinks she asked if we could cut things short so she could go meet her friend elsewhere. Fine, whatever. I waved her off, and erased her from my phone before she even reached the door.
Thus concluded one of the weirdest and worst dates I’d ever been on. At least she bought her own drink and gave me the money for the escape room ticket, so I didn’t spend a single dollar on her ass. I’ll give her credit for that much.
I was in a bit of a funk after three bad dates in a row, but a good night’s sleep cured all. But upon reflection, many of my online dates went like that. Either I thought they went well but apparently didn’t, or we got on well in text but there was a disconnect in person. I’m sure most of those dates would have flopped regardless, but at the same time I can’t help think I should have had a little more luck out there. Especially when I read about the online dates other bloggers are going on.
Of course, dating is harder as a guy. I’ve also had more success offline than online, as I’ve noted before. I’m still convinced that I’m better served getting off the apps and putting in the effort meeting people the old-fashioned way. Half of what we communicate is through body language. Chemistry is best figured out in person, without pretense or expectation.
So I’m shifting focus back onto the real world: I went to another jam session, talked to some new people and may potentially join a new band. I attended my old band’s fundraiser. I’m getting back on the open mic circuit (I mean it this time). I signed up for a Habitat for Humanity build. I’m volunteering at my friend’s animal sanctuary next weekend. I’m scouring Meetup for new activities. Things are happening.
Fortunately my escape room tickets did not go to waste. I had a do-over the following night with a friend visiting from out of town. Second time was the charm for the Killer Countdown, and this time we were part of a group. Of course. And it wasn’t scary at all, nor did they lock the door or really chain us up (fire code regulations). Not to mention we were on camera the whole time. It was a hell of a lot of fun.
Even after she flaked on a date we were supposed to go on, she’d message me every once in a while and we’d chit chat. Eventually she made noises again about getting together so I took the opportunity to ask what happened.
Me: “I know we were supposed to go on a date a couple of months ago but then you said you couldn’t make it… I didn’t think you’d be interested in meeting me after that.”
IG Girl: “I’m sorry, I have issues hahah. I really overthink a lot when it comes to the opposite sex. Negativity consumes me. I always choke up at the last minute. What if he didn’t like me? What if he finds me annoying? What if I’m not cool as he thought I was? That kind of stuff. I’m working on that, though. My confidence with myself is slowly getting better.”
Then she apologized because her hormones were all out of whack and she was feeling lonely. Good grief. So I still feel like a dodged a bullet. If nothing else she sounds like work. I’d rather be involved with someone with more confidence and less issues. Otherwise… been there, done that, didn’t work.
I haven’t heard much from her since, nor have I reached out. I’ve moved on. And that’s the round up. So there’s nobody else on my radar, no prospects in the pipeline, and I look to be sexless and single for the near future.
But, as I’ve found out, things can turn on a dime.