Doldrums

It’s been a few weeks since Rebecca and I broke up, and by and large I feel… nothing. Strange, I expected the one who took my virginity to have left a bigger impression.  Maybe I wasn’t as into her as I thought I was.  Of course, she didn’t waste any time moving on, which probably contributes to my lack of feeling.  I just found out that she’s been seeing another guy since almost immediately after I ended things with her.  Makes me wonder when he came into the picture…

Perhaps it’s best not to know the details, but I can speculate.  And so much for all her jazz about not wanting to be exclusive and not wanting to get distracted from her career… Now I know better.

I’m more than ready to move on myself, but not with online dating.  I’m done with that scene for now.  In the end I had more luck making a real-life connection (even if it took a little push from Meetup).  Of course, that didn’t stop me from giving OKC a quick gander.  I sent out a message or two and made contact with a girl who told me she had left the convent.  Oh?  Assuming she was the real deal, then she could be a freak – maybe even a nymphomaniac.  This demanded further investigation.

Within 2-3 messages she gave me her number and told me to call her.  I figured she literally meant “call” but she was surprised when I did instead of texting.  At least I earned points for that.  Unfortunately she turned out to be a chatterbox.  Ugh.  I’ve dealt with several of these by now.  While I like their energy, I find it aggravating to have to compete for airtime. No bueno.  Good listening skills are a must, so add that to my list of things I’m looking for.

Yet for reasons unknown I still set up a date with her.  I guess I was still thinking she might be a sexual deviant.  We set a time and place for the weekend, but then she called me the night before to cancel.  She claimed she had some weird allergic reaction and wanted to temporarily put a hold on dating.  Yeah yeah yeah.  I’ve heard this script a dozen times from girls who’ve “fallen ill” at the last minute and wanted to reschedule.  I never heard from them again, and Sister Act was no different.

***

In other news, my friend Don invited me on a pizza outing recently and I jumped all over it.  He had me at pizza, but I knew there might be girls there too.  But there was only one and she had a boyfriend, along with a whole host of issues that she was in therapy for.  Worse yet, she was another chatterbox.  Just running at the mouth like verbal diarrhea.  She monopolized the next two hours, spending half of it going on and on about her friend Shelly who manipulates and uses people and causes drama.  I was on the verge of finally telling her to shut it but one of the other guys beat me to it.

For the life of me I’ll never understand why so many girls wallow in this… this shit, instead of just cutting it out of their lives.  When I was out to dinner with Rebecca a couple of months ago I overheard one of the waitresses complaining how her boyfriend doesn’t want her working all the time and he’s always telling her what to do and what an asshole he is, etc.  Going on and on and on to her co-worker while they cleaned the tables.  I was on the verge of turning around and going, “THEN WHY ARE  YOU WITH HIM?”  Jesus.  It just boggles my mind how girls waste so much of their time with people who don’t deserve it.  Maybe there are guys that do it too, I don’t know.

Anyway.  We eventually moved things out to the parking lot where the conversational imbalance finally evened out a bit.  Chatterbox was still going strong and when she mentioned her sister I jokingly asked if she was single and hot.  Yes to both, actually.  Oh yeah?  I whipped out my phone and looked her up on Facebook and she was indeed hot.  Hmm.  Long story short I friended her and we’ve been talking on and off.  She’s fresh off a breakup herself, though.  And I don’t feel we have much in common.  But she’s not the only girl I’m talking to at the moment.  There’s also Missy, the young girl from my dance class I mentioned several months ago.

Aside from that I haven’t really pursued dating much.  I’m mostly doing my own thing.  My business continues to grow.  I have a couple of trips planned, one to Florida and another to California.  I recently spent a weekend upstate for an Irish festival and I’ve been preparing for my grand return to the open mic circuit.  Last but not least, I’m still hitting the gym at least three times a week with my friend, continuing my progress towards buff and sexy.  That’s what I’ve been up to and I’m very happy with how things are going in my life.  I’m not concerned about finding another girl.  It’ll happen when it’s meant to.

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30 thoughts on “Doldrums

  1. I just found out that she’s been seeing another guy since almost immediately after I ended things with her. Makes me wonder when he came into the picture…

    I said it at the time and I repeat it now – he was probably already on the scene, if not always on the scene.

    Good luck with everything. You seem to be heading in the right direction with everything. Do keep us updated 🙂

  2. I can’t say all because who knows but often women won’t go into the real reason why they’ve lost interest. It’s much easier to say she doesn’t have time for a relationship etc than tell you why she wasn’t into you, or she met someone else, etc.

    I’ve never met Rebecca but often women are getting offers quite often. And she moved to a man who better suited her needs.

    If I were you, next time I wouldn’t go out of my way to tell a woman you’ve only had sex with one woman, like you told R that she was your first. It’s a red flag to them. They like experience. The one is a huge win for you, you gotta start somewhere. But don’t advertise how inexperienced you are, unless you’re straight out having that conversation

    • If experience is the only thing women like, then you are saying that many women are shallow. I think some women care about experience, others are more open minded and care less. I dislike modern society in which men have to lie about their sexual experience in order to be deemed as sexually attractive. It is a huge double standard, because a woman could say she is inexperienced, therefore making her more innocent to her male partner.

      I think the odds are stacked against men because they have to “fake it to make it” in order to be seen as attractive and desirable. If the situation was reversed and he wasn’t a virgin and she was, she would be seen as attractive and even cute due to “innocence and purity”. I don’t know why a lack of sexual experience is equated with purity or innocence. Sure, it is a lack of knowledge and experience, but has nothing to due with their “cleanliness”.

      Plenty of virgins are world weary, enlightened about society’s issues, realistic, self aware, and educated. Plenty of non virgins are naïve, overly idealistic and have their heads in the clouds. I am one of those virgins with my feet on the ground.

  3. They could also talk a lot because they’re nervous. My question to you is are you doing your all to get a word in? I’m not talking forcefully but it can be done playfully and charmingly.

      • I have plenty of lost time at 27 and wish I lost it 8 years ago in college. I think it is astronomically harder for men to be virgins in society than women. They are always told to be the sexual assertor, be sexually experienced, and have things done in xyz time otherwise they are “weird neck bearded fedoras who live in their parent’s basement.” I really dislike the double standard that if women are virgins, that she’s pure, if men are, oh no, there’s something wrong with him.

        Society really needs to drastically change and evolve to become more tolerant of men’s issues. Feminism has given women a lot of vocal changes to treatment in the workplace, in society, and in general. If people want society to change for the better, then it has to change to show men equal progressiveness in attitude, similar respect in terms of how men are treated and perceived in society. It is a two way street.

  4. I wish I’d found your blog sooner. Love your witty writing style and tone.
    Unfortunate that I become a follower at a time when the Unfortunate Virgin is no more. Either way, good work.

  5. I think sex is an overrated requirement people have for relationship partners. You would think by once a person hits adulthood that they would be mature enough to find more meaningful attributes in a partner and overlook minor flaws.

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