Well… that was fun while it lasted.  Things got off to a great start with Rebecca, but her trust issues, jealousy and insecurities got in the way.  To be fair she did warn me at the outset that she would try to sabotage things out of fear of getting hurt again.  But I was confident that once she got to know me she would relax and let her walls down.  And for the most part she did.  I did my best to be patient and caring and understanding.  I had to coax her down from the ledge a few times, but then we’d talk some more and things would be fine.

Eventually it got to a point where that wasn’t working anymore.  It was getting too serious for her and she wanted to back off.  At least that’s what she said.  Then she said she didn’t want to be exclusive or put a label on things.  Well, I did.  It’s all or nothing with me.  And if she wanted the option to see other people then that meant she wasn’t 100 percent into me.  So I broke things off.

It was an amicable split.  I have no regrets.  When things were good, they were great.  I’m glad she was my first, and it was a great first adult relationship.  I have fond memories of our time together.  She wasn’t able to give me what I wanted in the end, but being with her went a long way towards helping me figure out what I truly do want.  Now that losing my virginity is out of the way, I can be more picky.

For starters, I’m keen to avoid anyone else with those kinds of trust issues.  I generally did anyway, and my experience with Rebecca solidified this desire.  I have no interest in having to constantly explain or defend myself, or feel like I’m under a cloud of suspicion, which is what started happening near the end.  Having to watch what I say or do is a non-starter for me, and that’s another reason why I broke things off.

Secondly, I think I’d rather date younger than older.  Rebecca was several years older and she confirmed my suspicion that the older you get, the more baggage you carry.  (At least I lucked out that she was never married and had no kids.)  I also need someone who’s on the same page sexually.  Losing my virginity did a lot to calm my libido, but I still wanted it more than she did.  I also would have liked more aggression and initiative on her part.  And if I didn’t get a move on early enough in the evening she would simply be too tired to do anything.

Finally, when I started going out with Rebecca I knew that I wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend and not just a casual thing.  And I need someone who’s not afraid to put a label on things like she was.  So that’s my big update.  Looks like I’ll be posting my continuing adventures after all.  As far as the blog title goes, perhaps I should change it.  Thoughts, anyone?

29 thoughts on “Restart

  1. Yes change it. You’re no longer the unfortunate male virgin and we’ll more adventures from you in dating. Also how old was Rebecca, feel free to email me if you don’t want to say in the comments section.

  2. Oh no! I was so rooting for this relationship to work out. However, glad to hear that it was an amicable split. Perhaps, ‘Unfortunate Virgin No Longer’?

  3. How about a new name that doesn’t refer to the old one. We were all virgins at one time. Let’s move on to just Adventures in Dating if it’s going to be about dating.

  4. She seems like a bag of contradictions to me. She was jealous but wanted an open relationship? Nah, nah, something is not right there. She may already have been cheating on you. I think you should change the name too. It will no longer be about losing your virginity (because you have done that now). How about referring to something like dating in your thirties? Further, a dating blog from a male perspective is a rare thing. But don’t just talk about your own dating experiences, perhaps offer advice articles to men in your position?

  5. Ah man, absolutely gutted to hear this! I thought you guys were really cute together, but at least you have no regrets and learned life lessons and all that. On the plus side, looking forward to reading more of your adventures 🙂

  6. I’m sorry to hear that it didn’t work out.. I was just thinking of you and how you were doing and surprised to see this post. I’m happy to see that you are being ever the optimistic person you always seemed to be and took this as a learning experience. It makes things so much easier now that you know what to look for. And, as much as it sucks that things went awry, I’m looking forward to “more adventures of the adult variety”.

  7. Her loss! Great experience for you and I know it hurts a little but things will get better and there’s so many ladies out there to meet!

  8. Everybody is jealous and insecure with trust issues to an extent. I’m not particularly that way, but if you put me off enough, I’ll start to get suspicious. You’ll find the one that’s right for you. I get less picky every year 😉

  9. I second the no trust issues thing so hard. I was in a long distance relationship where the dude tried to constantly make me prove I wasn’t cheating. Guess what? I wasn’t, and it’s impossible to prove.

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