Well… that was fun while it lasted. Things got off to a great start with Rebecca, but her trust issues, jealousy and insecurities got in the way. To be fair she did warn me at the outset that she would try to sabotage things out of fear of getting hurt again. But I was confident that once she got to know me she would relax and let her walls down. And for the most part she did. I did my best to be patient and caring and understanding. I had to coax her down from the ledge a few times, but then we’d talk some more and things would be fine.
Eventually it got to a point where that wasn’t working anymore. It was getting too serious for her and she wanted to back off. At least that’s what she said. Then she said she didn’t want to be exclusive or put a label on things. Well, I did. It’s all or nothing with me. And if she wanted the option to see other people then that meant she wasn’t 100 percent into me. So I broke things off.
It was an amicable split. I have no regrets. When things were good, they were great. I’m glad she was my first, and it was a great first adult relationship. I have fond memories of our time together. She wasn’t able to give me what I wanted in the end, but being with her went a long way towards helping me figure out what I truly do want. Now that losing my virginity is out of the way, I can be more picky.
For starters, I’m keen to avoid anyone else with those kinds of trust issues. I generally did anyway, and my experience with Rebecca solidified this desire. I have no interest in having to constantly explain or defend myself, or feel like I’m under a cloud of suspicion, which is what started happening near the end. Having to watch what I say or do is a non-starter for me, and that’s another reason why I broke things off.
Secondly, I think I’d rather date younger than older. Rebecca was several years older and she confirmed my suspicion that the older you get, the more baggage you carry. (At least I lucked out that she was never married and had no kids.) I also need someone who’s on the same page sexually. Losing my virginity did a lot to calm my libido, but I still wanted it more than she did. I also would have liked more aggression and initiative on her part. And if I didn’t get a move on early enough in the evening she would simply be too tired to do anything.
Finally, when I started going out with Rebecca I knew that I wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend and not just a casual thing. And I need someone who’s not afraid to put a label on things like she was. So that’s my big update. Looks like I’ll be posting my continuing adventures after all. As far as the blog title goes, perhaps I should change it. Thoughts, anyone?