I was so keyed up Saturday night that it took me forever to fall asleep.  Sunday afternoon I sent The Singer a text saying, “I had an especially nice time last night.  How was choir practice this morning?”  Then I put my phone down and went merrily about my business.  However as the minutes turned to hours I started feeling anxious.  Something is wrong…I thought.  I felt it in my gut.  She often took a while to respond to messages, but I thought I could expect quicker responses after what seemed a fantastic second date.

Still, I bit my tongue and didn’t send any more texts.  I waited.  And waited.

Finally the response came this morning:


My worst fears were confirmed.  And I was stunned.  Seriously?  After several minutes I blinked away my confusion and replied:  “Wow… okay.  Totally not what I expected to hear. Obviously we came away with different impressions after the other night.  I don’t know what to say except good luck to you too then.”

I just don’t get it.  She seemed really into me.  Especially when we kissed.  Did I really misread things that badly?   I’ve been replaying the second date in my head, trying to remember if I possibly did something to turn her off.  Nothing comes to mind.  Except… maybe it was the kiss that did her in?  I’ve only ever heard good reviews  from the few girls I’ve kissed.  Maybe they didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but I know one of them certainly would have told me if I was bad at it.  Or maybe I wasn’t bad at it, but my kissing simply didn’t set off any fireworks for The Singer?

I ran my theory past one of my female friends, and she asked me if I used tongue?  I thought tongue was a bit much for a first kiss.  Perhaps if we had made out longer than a couple of minutes we would have graduated to tongue.  She insisted that I should have, otherwise kissing without tongue is without passion and tantamount to a friendly peck.  I’ve never heard that you should use tongue on a first kiss.  Now I’ve been surveying my other female friends to get their opinions.  So far I’ve gotten:

“Depends on the situation but typically yes”
“No, and if it turns into a full blown makeout session, only very little tongue”
“Let the woman lead a bit on that.  See how her body language is”

Interesting.  It’s something I’ve never considered before, but I’d be curious to hear your opinions.  Could something like that make or break a second date?  What other reasons would a girl not want to go on a third date?


While  I was waiting to hear back from The Singer, I went on another first date Sunday night.  Another OKC find.  We exchanged a couple of messages, had a half-hour phone conversation, and we set a date.  She thought we had a lot in common and I thought so too.  However, after our date I realized we didn’t have much in common apart from starting in the same career and a shared desire to remain child-free.  The first hour went well.  She went for a second round of drinks (I paid for the first and she paid for the second) and her body language was encouraging.  We were sitting facing each other on our bar stools, legs practically touching, but by the second hour I noticed there was more distance between us.  She had pulled back.  The conversational well was also running dry, so after two and a half hours I suggested calling it a night.  She seemed ready to go.

We hugged outside on the sidewalk, told each other “nice meeting you!” and said good night.  Then we went our separate ways.  I said nothing about getting together again. While I had something in mind for a possible second date, neither one of us really seemed to be feeling things and I don’t know what else we could talk about.  She had really bad breath besides.  Oof.

Finally, I had planned to see The Comedian again, but if you remember I was decidedly lukewarm about her after the first date.  I was going to give her a second look, but our texting fell off by mid-week and then she cancelled for Sunday afternoon.  Just as well.  I’m not going to pursue it any further.

First dates:  35
Second dates:  4
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  9
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 3

90 thoughts on “Nope

  1. When you mentioned in your last post that you made out for a few minutes, I definitely assumed there was tongue. I agree with no tongue at first unless it turns to making out. Kissing for a few minutes definitely should have involved some tongue.

  2. oh no! i’m sorry to hear that…when i read your kiss post this morning i was expecting a more optimistic update later…yeah sometimes it may be nothing that you did. it may be external factors like she got a lot going on and fear commitment or she met someone more exciting and decided to pursue that. whatever the case may be, just be glad it happened after the second date! 🙂 plenty of options out there. best of luck!!

    • I don’t know if that’s such Great advice. If a guy took 3-5 days to contact me I’d tell him where to go. Especially when things are starting out – you don’t miss what you don’t have anyway.

    • No. That’s some red pill bullshit that will get you immediately dismissed by any woman with self-respect, self-esteem, and a brain. No one likes dealing with someone who plays stupid games.

      • Horrible advice – this is why men should never take advice from women. Not waiting a few days and you just come across as needy, desperate. Womens feelings need to develop, they are emotional beings. Never treat a date like a girlfriend either.

        • Misogynistic, what a shock. It’s no wonder you’re still single. Women can smell your sexism from a mile away.

          • Nice guys finish last – and you know it. Now stop feeding the blog owner your horrid advice you wish your bf or husband would do to you, he’s trying to get laid.

            • My husband is amazing in every way, including being a decent, nice person who treated me well and didn’t play games. That got him laid on the second date. Meanwhile, the only one I see losing here is you.

            • Oh, did I hurt your widdle feewings? Your husband is probably a beta male that stepped up just as you were looking for a sperm donor. The guy that runs this blog is a 30 year old virgin that has been on 30+ dates with zero success listening to your feminist bullshit advice.

            • Uhhh, no. It’s not possible for you to hurt my feelings. I think you’re projecting.

      • I know we have our disagreements sometimes BM7… but you nailed it here, completely, 100%. I simply cannot understand why anyone would think playing stupid games like that is ever a good idea, yet people lap up this PUA pseudopsychology as gospel.

        • It’s mostly desperate, lonely people who buy into the idea that manipulating people is the only way to get ahead. They often find themselves even more alone, but now they have the comfort of blaming women as a whole.

          • I think you’re right. Even after my divorce when I was feeling particularly lonely, I spotted this nonsense for what it was.

            The very idea that an entire demographic all thinks the same way (and one as large as simply “women”) is as absurd as it is insulting.

            • Yeah, it’s childish in so many ways. A philosophy that boils down to “all women,” “all men,” “all people of X race, religion, etc.” are exactly the same is nothing more than utter bullshit designed to make the person spouting that nonsense feel superior.

  3. I’m not a big fan of kissing after a date, or a second date, so my opinion may not matter much. But I wouldn’t use tongue on a first kiss with someone. Personally, my list of guys I’ve kissed, there’s only been one I’ve enjoyed tongue kissing with. The rest- I could just do without it. Now a lip bite, that I’d take. 😉 lol

    I was surprised to read her response for sure. My only guess is that she did enjoy the night but is possibly still getting over someone and isn’t fully allowing herself to move on… I really don’t know.

      • After I get to know the person better. I mostly like kissing leading up to sex otherwise I’m not really into it. Could be because my first real kiss went to sex. Dunno.
        I’ve been talking to this guy and the fifth time we hung out, we kissed. He tried the first two times, but I ducked away.

        • You ducked away the first two times he tried to kiss you? How did you make it to the fifth date then? If I was him I would have assumed you weren’t interested and moved on. Did you tell him what how you felt about kissing?

          • The first time, I think he texted me later in the evening and mentioned that I wasn’t into him. I said I had a good time, and he’s like OK. Left it at that. We hung out the second time, and he went for a kiss. The next day he mentioned my refusal and I explained it to him. He said he “kinda” understands, and didn’t try again the next couple of times. He said he can usually read people pretty well, but I’m really hard to get a good read on. I tried to say upfront I can be awkward, lol

  4. Son-of-a-BITCH!!!
    Thoroughly gobsmacked and utterly bemused, Lad, at the moment I can only conjure one thought: I’d like to tear out a particular songbird’s lungs.
    Insipid couse.

      • couse (pronounciation: kooz)
        an old-fashioned colloquialism, believed risen in what is presently known as the United States “Rustbelt”, for the female uro-genital apparatus, specifically the pudendum;
        a plebeian euphemism of ugly derision (not as offensive as some, worse than others) for a woman.

        Naturally, it was the secondary definition used in my original comment, mid a fit of rancorously bewildered commiseration.

  5. Ouch! Stop overthinking it. They are either into you or they’re not. I don’t think we are getting the full story though. Are you going out exclusively with super hot women? The only reason I can think of that you haven’t caught fire with one of them is that they have so many options they are basically unavailable, at least to you. I hate to say “lower you standards”, because that is insulting and demeaning to very nice women out there who would probably want to see you again, but maybe try someone with some flaws who will be a bit more forgiving of yours.

  6. I don’t necessarily know if the type of kiss affected her decision. Who knows? However, yes tongue in first make out. On every make out. It’s not making out without it. And why would anyone want to close miuth kiss for an extended period of time (more then 2 seconds)? I’ve made out with countless women. Every one had a tongue. A little, a lot, depends on how it’s going. Good to start off with a little. Gentle yet firm.

    No date ever ended with a closed mouth kiss.

    Don’t believe what you see in the movies, they never have full on open mouth kisses. But in real life… yes!

    • Let me make sure I’m clear. I have had plenty of dates that did not go well, didn’t get a second, and there was no kissing at all. But the ones that went well and there was a romantic kiss that was more than just a quick peck, those had tongue

  7. I agree with really screwed that up. Maybe you might want to be a little forgiving looks wise. You’re not looking for the one you’ll marry.

    Trust me, from lots of experience. I’ve turned away countless women over the years because, although they were ok, I thought I could do better. Looking back, what the fuck was I thinking?

  8. I don’t think your kissing style is what led to this “nope.” I agree with @ireallyscrewedthatup. People are either into you and they’re not. Sometimes you’ll never really know a person’s true reasons for blowing you off. That’s just how it is, unfortunately.

    Also, if you’ve had a great date with a girl, contact her the next day (the message you sent The Singer was perfect!) Hopefully the next such message will yield a better outcome.

  9. I doubt it’s really as simple as just not using tongue. I agree with the majority of people here that a “makeout session” should include tongue action. It’s not even so much about the tongue as it is the passion that goes along with that type of kissing.

    With that being said, your description of your kissing did sound passionate. You described grabbing each other’s necks and pulling closer. Usually I would take that as a very good sign. She was clearly open to giving you that opportunity and into it enough that she didn’t push you away or act grossed out.

    So I think it’s more nuanced. I’ve been on dates that ended with a kiss (even making out, including tongue) that I realized after-the-fact wouldn’t be a good fit. Sometimes you give something a chance, and it doesn’t feel right. In the two cases I can think of off the top of my head, there was nothing glaringly “wrong” with the guys, but they each had qualities that just wouldn’t work for me.

    One was noticeably nervous the entire time. We went on two dates. Both ended with kissing. But on our second date he was still so nervous he was shaking. As we talked more, incompatibilities came out. He was recently out of a bad relationship, had a young daughter, and was far too redneck for my taste (even though he was educated and had a good job, the constant camo and hunting just isn’t interesting). I also didn’t ever feel especially attracted to him. Enough that I would kiss him, but I couldn’t imagine it going any further. It just wasn’t there.

    It was similar with the other guy. Two dates. Kissing at the end of each one. We had good conversations in general. But there was no deeper connection. No real passion or attraction. I felt more positive about him while texting than in person. I can’t put my finger on one specific thing that won’t sound incredibly superficial. The biggest thing that stands out in my mind is that he had a very feminine voice. He was a big guy – tall, a bit overweight (which I like), but his voice was very high and his manerisms were too feminine and his hands were softer than mine. I know that sounds awful, but it turned me off (wish it didn’t, but it is what it is).

    I can’t say why the singer didn’t feel it, but trust me, you don’t want her to keep trying to force it if the spark isn’t there for her. It’s not fair for either of you. The only thing I noticed in your last post that made me cringe a little is that you did spin moves and moonwalks at the end of every time you bowled, for at least an hour. Maybe once or twice at most would be funny, but after that it starts feeling awkward and embarrassing. To me. Maybe the right woman for you will be bowled over (haha) by it and think it’s the cutest, sexiest thing ever.

    Bottom line, she wasn’t the right one. It’s discouraging, but you’re making progress. You’re feeling more confident and comfortable. You’re figuring out that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, and that’s okay. You don’t seem to be suffering from a lack of initial interest, so I’m sure you’ll find someone who clicks at some point.

    • Haa no it was definitely not after every frame. Like I said it was only after I threw a strike or a spare , and the night was full of fails in that department. Otherwise I would agree that it would have been a little excessive.

      The more I think about it, it probably was just a matter of incompatibility like you said. I said or did nothing egregious that I can remember, but the first thing that jumps to mind is that she lives in the city while I’m in the suburbs. That certainly gave me pause, but I was willing to work with it. While she’s out here often, perhaps she prefers someone closer to home? Who knows. And I remember that while we touched on politics and religion and personal beliefs, we didn’t really delve into it all that much. I think she would have liked to, but I’m not one who prefers deep philosophical discussions. Maybe that was a factor in her decision too.

      But yes – major step forward for me! I’m definitely feeling better about things lately. I’m sure I’ll click with someone eventually.

      • Ahh, I see. Sorry. I didn’t read all of the comments. I’m sure it wasn’t one single thing. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible for romantic relationships.

        If you got the feeling that she wanted to talk about deep, philosophical or controversial topics and that’s something you prefer to avoid, you probably weren’t compatible long-term anyway. You shouldn’t have to change your preference to match hers. You just aren’t for each other, and that’s perfectly fine.

        This process may be a long one for you, but it’s the journey that you have to take to get where you want. I think it’s fantastic that you’re learning about yourself and gaining confidence in the process. Your positive outlook is really something special, and I hope you never lose that.

        • Actually I had a little more confidence when I started this journey. I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t taken a few hits by now. This journey may be a long one indeed, and it’s proving much harder than I imagined. But in the end I’m still convinced I’ll find someone.

          • You’re putting in the effort, and that’s what leads to results. I guess your confidence has taken some hits, but your writing at least gives me the impression that you know yourself betterand are figuring out what you want in a partner. I always found it’s more important to know what you want and look for that than to just fall into a relationship because the person is there. Hopefully what that means is the person you do find will be a good fit all around and you’ll get to avoid some of the pain involved in being with the wrong person (and man can the wrong person be really, really wrong). Of course, you trade it for the pain of rejection, so there’s always a toss up.

            • When you figure it out, you’ll discover that it’s easier to find. Once I figured out what I wanted, it was easy to tell when someone didn’t fit. I was also able to determine quickly that my husband is it. Good luck in finding out what you want and getting it!

            • It’s just hard when you don’t yet have the relationship experience to draw upon to be able to say “this is what I want/don’t want.” I have vague ideas is all. Best thing for me to do right now is just take it one step at a time and not think too far ahead.

              Ah, so you’re married now huh?

            • Yeah, it is hard to know what you want. Having a vague idea at least starts you somewhere. Try to refine it as you go. Like you know you don’t want someone who wants a lot of deep, philosophical conversations. You’re child-free and want the same for any long-term partner (knowing your deal-breakers is HUGE). Humor is probably a top priority (someone who laughs, wants to have fun, seeks out adventure or active dates). It seems like you like the idea of someone independent, with friends and activities and hobbies outside of the time they would spend with you. The more you figure out, the better you get at having a general idea of the type of person you want in your life and what you hope the relationship with them will look like.

              And a basic idea is what you’re shooting for. Some people end up with an exhaustive check list that is unreasonable and overly restrictive. As long as you’re somewhere between “I built a dream person in my head and no one else will do” and “I’ll take anything female that is breathing,” you’re on the right track.

              Yep. Married now. That happened last May. Now I’m pregnant and due in July. Scary, exciting stuff. He’s the absolute best man for me in every way imaginable, though. Even if I had made a super exhaustive list, I wouldn’t have thought to put down some of the things that I absolutely love about him, and I definitely never thought I deserved someone this amazing. I truly believe it’s out there and you’ll find it one day.

            • Honestly I’m not even sure what kind of relationship I’m looking for – serious or casual? Both have aspects that appeal to me. I’ll figure it out eventually. But I’m not really screening for long-term right now. As far as the things you mentioned like sense of humor, independence, having own friends/activities – that seems to be pretty standard criteria for just about everyone. Outside of those things I’m just not sure what else to put on the list. I also feel like as a virgin I shouldn’t compile too many dealbreakers.

              Wow, and you’re pregnant too? This is a big change from the last time I heard from you. I’m actually surprised – I don’t know how I got it in my head for some reason I thought you were the type that didn’t want kids. But good for you. I’m glad things are working out great in your life.

            • I wouldn’t say those things are all that standard. Some people prefer someone serious with their head on their shoulders and a plan for their lives over someone spontaneous and fun. I love that my husband has a sarcastic, witty type of humor, but someone who is a giant goofball wouldn’t work for me at all. Some people (like me) prefer someone who is more introverted and likes activities like binge watching Netflix and bonding over amazing food than active dates. Some people (like my husband) prefer someone grounded and focused on building a life and things that last (like really nice furniture) than spending money on fancy vacations or “adventures.” We’re both independent, but neither of us have a ton of friends in a huge social circle that demands lots of our time and attention. Honestly that probably wouldn’t be good for either of us. He has one main hobby (building race cars) and I have one main hobby (pottery), but we spend the majority of our time together and love that. You’ll figure out what kind of dynamic you want as you go along.

              Just please don’t think because you’re a virgin you’re somehow “less than” and have to accept something that should be a dealbreaker. Having boundaries and expectations is healthy as long as they aren’t unreasonable ones.

              Yeah, it is a big change. You probably got it in your head that I didn’t want kids because I had at least one blog post years ago that said that. It was very true at the time. I’ve realized that, for me, not wanting kids was more about my circumstances than anything else. I couldn’t have had kids with my ex. He was irresponsible, I couldn’t depend on him, I was pulling all of the weight all of the time (emotionally, financially, around the house, etc.). Having a child would have taken away any small semblance of free time or sanity that I had left. When you’re barely holding on by your fingernails just to get through every day, that’s no life to bring a child into. It wouldn’t have been right or fair.

              I was never one of those baby-hungry, “I want to be a mom more than anything” people, though. I’m still not that. But my husband and I have built something fantastic. Seeing him with his niece and realizing that we could really do this and not only have a new experience to bond us but also support and raise a child who would have everything and then some… Things changed. We talked about it. We realized we’re on the same page about all of it. I plan to go back to work after maternity leave. I don’t feel like I’m giving up a part of myself, which is what I always feared. Instead, I feel like I’m adding an extra layer to who I am. It’s going to be complicated, difficult, and challenging, but also rewarding.

            • You say that as if someone with a good head on his shoulders and someone spontaneous and fun are mutually exclusive. But I’ve seen those things listed on virtually every girl’s dating profile ever, along with “sense of humor.” And sense of humor doesn’t mean goofball, just compatible. Oh yeah, and every girl is “just as happy getting dressed up and going out as I am curling up on the couch in my sweatpants binge watching Netlflix.” My god, if I read that on one more profile…

              “please don’t think because you’re a virgin you’re somehow ‘less than'”

              Huh? Less than what? I’m not sure I understand what that means. But if I seriously want to get laid, I don’t think it makes sense for a virgin my age to start throwing up too many obstacles in his path. All I’m saying is that I’m trying to keep an open mind. I can get more picky later on. Which is funny, because I’ve already been accused several times in the past by various blog followers of being too picky. Of course, I’ve yet to hear an explanation as to how. Every time I ask I get no response.

              I don’t think I’ve actually read your blog before… what is it? Your name is not clickable and there’s no link on your gravatar.

            • They can be. Spontaneous especially doesn’t generally go hand in hand with solid decision making in my experience. “Sense of humor” is incredibly generic, that’s why I mentioned sarcasm and wit being important to me and “goofball” being a huge turn-off. I find that people often say the “go out or stay in” tripe, but most people gravitate one way or another. I pretty much hate the idea of going out to bars, clubs, etc., etc. I want to come home and get right in my pajamas unless we’re going to a five-star restaurant. People don’t usually say flat out which kind of person they are, which is why dating is about trying people out and finding out who they really are. Another thing I immediately liked about my husband is he didn’t have any of that generic bullshit on his profile – it was straight-forward, thoughtful, searingly intelligent, and just the perfect amount of sexual. It actually gave me a real sense of who he is.

              I said the “less than” thing because you said because you’re a virgin you shouldn’t have dealbreakers. I don’t think that’s true at all. Everyone should have dealbreakers. In fact, someone without any would kind of be a dealbreaker for me. It speaks to not knowing what you want, not having healthy boundaries, and being willing to settle. Not attractive traits. Certainly you should keep an open mind and not limit yourself too much, but having dealbreakers is not the same as throwing up needless obstacles. If you’re needy and desperate, that’s pretty obvious and usually a complete turn-off. You should be willing to turn people down, too. If you aren’t, you will always be the one being rejected because no one wants to feel like they’re filling some generic open position for “any female who will speak to me.”

              That’s weird. I think I fixed my gravitar. My blog is I don’t really post there much anymore, though. I really moved on from the entire reason I started it (cheating, lying husband, trying to hold a broken marriage together, etc., etc.). Now I only pop on from time to time with a quick update. I find my need to blog reduced drastically once I became happy and healthy. Go figure.

            • Don’t know why it’s such a thing but “sarcasm” is actually the number one personality trait. Nearly every profile lists that as well. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve seen “I’m really sarcastic/I’m 100% sarcastic/I speak fluent sarcasm/” by now. But searingly intelligent and just the perfect amount of sexy? I really wish I could have seen what his profile looked like.

              No, that’s not what I said. I didn’t say I shouldn’t have “any” but that I shouldn’t have “too many.” Difference. I’m not definitely not being needy and desperate. I’ve certainly turned people down as you’ve seen, and you’ve previously noted a couple of my dealbreakers. The only ones I really have are: no kids, not religious, not passive/quiet, and not enormous. I think that’s enough to be getting on with for now. Maybe I’m forgetting but I can’t think of anything else I’m not willing to consider.

              Ha, of course. Seems like all my fellow bloggers are finding someone and consequently moving on from WordPress. Meanwhile I’m still here, chugging along… But I’ll check it out.

            • The difference between listing sarcasm as a trait and actually being subtly sarcastic (in non obvious) ways is night and day. I wish I had a screenshot or saved copy of it. Really. His profile was a masterpiece. He said he took a lot of time reading about the best way to craft one and coming up with unique and interesting answers. It was very apparent. He even managed to mention the interrobang.

              Yeah, those are decent deal breakers. And a good start at eliminating what won’t work as you look for someone who will.

            • Yeah who knows how many are sarcastic like that. Either way, I don’t quite get why so many people tout it like it’s a winning quality. In the meantime I think my profile is pretty damn good. I still can’t get it to where I’m 100 percent satisfied with it… 90% at most, and I’m constantly tweaking and tinkering. If my latest round of messages doesn’t bear fruit I’m going to give it an overhaul and try something completely different.

              Wth is the interrobang?

  10. I wouldn’t have thought the kiss made a blind bit of difference here. It’s unfortunate, but I doubt you did anything wrong. Besides which, not using tongues is a pretty flimsy thing to finish with somebody over. If it’s true, then you are better off without somebody so picky and judgemental.

    But like some others, I think there is something else going on here. Maybe she had another guy interested and chose him instead. Maybe she wasn’t single, maybe she really liked you and realised she wasn’t yet over an ex – feeling that to get into a relationship when she was not ready would not have been fair on you.

    I think you need to decide what it is you want. You get a lot of contradictory advice here. Do you want to simply have sex with someone or do you want a relationship? Sometimes, I am not even sure myself what it is you want.

    • Spot on. It’s not as simple as just not using tongue. The problem with taking one experience (or opinion) and generalizing it to every other date is that you’ll miss that every woman is an individual. We’re all complicated, and I doubt it was one single thing that made it not a fit for her.

      It all comes down to what you want and what makes you feel comfortable. Don’t feel like you need to bend to fit every possible woman you run across. It’s not possible, and it’s not productive.

    • Well… yeah. But how am I supposed to know what I want when I don’t have the experience to draw upon? Sometimes I think I want a relationship, and then sometimes I think I just have to find something purely sexual. I just don’t know. How can I decide when I’ve never had either? All I can do right now is try not to think too far ahead when I meet people and see what develops.

      • I just don’t know.

        Sorry to sound blunt, but if you don’t know, how can you expect anyone else to know what you want? Perhaps that is what these women are picking up on?

        • Maybe. But again, how can I be expected to know what I want right now? I’m a virgin. My last relationship was 13 years ago and I have to make a mental effort to even remember it. If I had to say what I’m looking for right now, I guess I would say someone single, reasonably attractive, and wants to bang me (preferably on a regular basis). That could be either serious or casual.

          • Your field may be too broad. There are women out there who will just want FWB. There will be others who want LTR. Problem is for you, the other group will most likely rebuff you if they think you only want the other.

            I suggest you figure out what is more important to you – a girlfriend or no-strings-and-drama-free sex.

            • Of course but your posts seem to be split between lamenting a lack of a girlfriend and anxiety about being a virgin. Of course, any healthy relationship has sex but it is not the only thing, it’s not even the most important thing.

              If you’re too focused on sex, women who might want a relationship with you will turn away because they think they will be a notch on the bedpost, or an exercise in “getting rid” of your virginity with little regard for her as a person.

              If sex is all you want, then seek out women who are only looking for FWB’s. Yet your desire for a girlfriend might be putting them off too – they will want FWB because they don’t want the drama of a relationship right now.

  11. Ooh, so many comments! 🙂

    Ok so my 2c….if you are actively ‘making out’ with someone then some tongue is probably going to be expected at some stage. There is a difference between a 10 second smooch and full-on kissage lasting a couple of minutes. Once you feel it’s heading towards Makeout Ridge, then yes, tongue. Otherwise you’ll just spent the next couple of minutes mashing lips. Some tongue action, delicately done, is hot. Not, however, forcing your tongue down the other persons throat or doing the Washing Machine maneuver in their mouth 🙂 Also, you want to get laid….if you’re a good kisser, eg with some sensual passion without being forceful, then a girl might be more likely to either agree to another date, or possibly go back to your place.

    As for waiting 3-5 days to contact them – well, if it was me, I would then assume that I was just one of a number of women that you were dating at the same time and was just getting my ‘turn’ for another date, or something else fell through and I was Plan B. Not sexy. You don’t have to bombard her with messages, but a text the day after to let her know you had a good time and would be open to seeing her again sounds perfectly fine to me. As long as you don’t start calling her ‘Boo’ in the next day’s messages, or talking about her being your +1 to your cousins wedding in 6 months!

  12. I don’t even know how you’d kiss more than a few pecks with no tongue! What are your mouths doing? Just touching? Making out has tongue… That may have been enough of a turn off.

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