I was so keyed up Saturday night that it took me forever to fall asleep. Sunday afternoon I sent The Singer a text saying, “I had an especially nice time last night. How was choir practice this morning?” Then I put my phone down and went merrily about my business. However as the minutes turned to hours I started feeling anxious. Something is wrong…I thought. I felt it in my gut. She often took a while to respond to messages, but I thought I could expect quicker responses after what seemed a fantastic second date.
Still, I bit my tongue and didn’t send any more texts. I waited. And waited.
Finally the response came this morning:
My worst fears were confirmed. And I was stunned. Seriously? After several minutes I blinked away my confusion and replied: “Wow… okay. Totally not what I expected to hear. Obviously we came away with different impressions after the other night. I don’t know what to say except good luck to you too then.”
I just don’t get it. She seemed really into me. Especially when we kissed. Did I really misread things that badly? I’ve been replaying the second date in my head, trying to remember if I possibly did something to turn her off. Nothing comes to mind. Except… maybe it was the kiss that did her in? I’ve only ever heard good reviews from the few girls I’ve kissed. Maybe they didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but I know one of them certainly would have told me if I was bad at it. Or maybe I wasn’t bad at it, but my kissing simply didn’t set off any fireworks for The Singer?
I ran my theory past one of my female friends, and she asked me if I used tongue? I thought tongue was a bit much for a first kiss. Perhaps if we had made out longer than a couple of minutes we would have graduated to tongue. She insisted that I should have, otherwise kissing without tongue is without passion and tantamount to a friendly peck. I’ve never heard that you should use tongue on a first kiss. Now I’ve been surveying my other female friends to get their opinions. So far I’ve gotten:
“Depends on the situation but typically yes”
“No, and if it turns into a full blown makeout session, only very little tongue”
“Let the woman lead a bit on that. See how her body language is”
Interesting. It’s something I’ve never considered before, but I’d be curious to hear your opinions. Could something like that make or break a second date? What other reasons would a girl not want to go on a third date?
While I was waiting to hear back from The Singer, I went on another first date Sunday night. Another OKC find. We exchanged a couple of messages, had a half-hour phone conversation, and we set a date. She thought we had a lot in common and I thought so too. However, after our date I realized we didn’t have much in common apart from starting in the same career and a shared desire to remain child-free. The first hour went well. She went for a second round of drinks (I paid for the first and she paid for the second) and her body language was encouraging. We were sitting facing each other on our bar stools, legs practically touching, but by the second hour I noticed there was more distance between us. She had pulled back. The conversational well was also running dry, so after two and a half hours I suggested calling it a night. She seemed ready to go.
We hugged outside on the sidewalk, told each other “nice meeting you!” and said good night. Then we went our separate ways. I said nothing about getting together again. While I had something in mind for a possible second date, neither one of us really seemed to be feeling things and I don’t know what else we could talk about. She had really bad breath besides. Oof.
Finally, I had planned to see The Comedian again, but if you remember I was decidedly lukewarm about her after the first date. I was going to give her a second look, but our texting fell off by mid-week and then she cancelled for Sunday afternoon. Just as well. I’m not going to pursue it any further.
First dates: 35
Second dates: 4
Third dates: 2
Stood up: 2
First kisses: 3