California Girl doesn’t want to see me again.  I waited three days before texting her again:

Me:  Hey, how’s your week going?
CG:  Hey, week is going well.  How’s yours?
Me:  Things are awesome.  Work is starting to pick up.  I’ve also been thinking about our next outdoor adventure…

…since she had she’d be up for another one.  I let that hang for a bit but I didn’t get a response, so I followed up.

Me:  Weather looks questionable this weekend – would you settle for a food adventure in the meantime?
CG:  I’m not available this weekend, have friends coming into town from CA.  While I think you are a very nice person and enjoyed meeting you, I don’t think we are a fit and don’t want to waste your time.  Best of luck on Cupid!
Me:  Oh.  Not even as friends? I thought that was all you’re looking for right now? I thought we got on pretty well…what makes you say that?

At this point I figured I had nothing to lose by asking, so I did:

Me: And as far as OKC goes I’ve been on 40 first dates and little more. If you have any feedback I’d love to hear it.
CG:  Yeah, a lot of people go on many dates before finding the right fit. I think dating is just difficult in our day and age.
Me:  Well I’m sorry I won’t see you again.  Best of luck to you as well.
CG:  I don’t think my opinion represents all of your experiences.  If you want to know why I think you and I are not a fit, I’m happy to share my thoughts.
Me:  Yeah, go for it.
CG:  I think you are looking for more.  And I don’t feel we have much in common.
Me:  Maybe not but we hardly know each other.  I barely scratched the surface with you and there’s much more I wanted to know.  But I appreciate your feedback.
CG:  You asked me for feedback and I’m letting you know my experience.  I genuinely wish you the best.

However our texts crossed each other because as soon as I received that from her I’d already sent:

Me:  Just curious what made you think I’m looking for more?  Did I give off that impression.
CG:  You gave me a hug when before we left, you kissed me on the cheek when we met, and just asked me why you are struggling to get a second date.  All of those things to me indicate more interest.  And I feel this conversation is no longer helpful so I’m going to end it now.

Yeah, so that was pretty much it.  I should have just left it alone, but since I’ll never see her again I didn’t see the harm in asking.

Moving on…

Fortunately I already had another date lined up with The Comedian.  She’s one of the three Tuesday girls that canceled on me (so I’ll revise my counter).  She lives very close by and we met at the local ale house.  This time I made sure to dress up more than usual, especially since this was a less casual date than the others.  I waited inside the front doors but it turned out she was already inside.  When we saw each other there was a mutual hug.  No handshake, no kiss on the cheek, and no awkwardness.

We opted for a booth and thankfully the place was quieter than I expected.  Judging from the parking lot I thought it would be bonkers inside, but it wasn’t and we were able to have a conversation.  TC was even more inquisitive than CG, which I took as a good sign.  And when she’s not busy with school, she’s busy with her theater group –  singing and dancing and doing comedy skits.  Sounds like a good fit for me.  Nonetheless I made sure to hold back and keep my jokes PG.

When it comes to women I often feel like I have to walk a tightrope, waiting to be cast into the abyss for the slightest misstep. I second-guess everything leaving my mouth now.  It’s one thing to talk and act a certain way with your friends, it’s another to be that way with someone you’re meeting for the first time and I try to be mindful of that.  Especially when I seem to put my foot in my mouth more often than not.

In any case, things seemed to go pretty well.  We were there for two hours.  We talked about music, comedy, our respective upbringings and career paths…  I did my best to keep my rambling in check.  I feel I avoided any serious blunders.  I slipped in the occasional bright remark and she thought I was hilarious.  Then I even dared to share a few of my dating stories – a subject I usually try to avoid altogether.  Out of all the girls I’ve met so far, she has the clearest picture of my dating history.  Whether that’s a good or bad thing remains to be seen.  But she told me some of her own stories so we’re even in that department.

At the end of the night I suggested we get together again.  She said she’d like to as well. Yeah, we’ll see.  But she said she liked me and felt comfortable with me.  We gave each other a hug before we parted ways and I promised to be in touch soon.  I probably could have and should have gone for a kiss, but honestly I’m not sure how attracted I am to her yet.  I will definitely go on a second date with her if she accepts, and then I’ll get a better idea.

First dates:  33
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  9
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 2

22 thoughts on “Funny

  1. Her response is bullshit – if anything the issue is you kissed her on the cheek (makes them think you aren’t into them) and not on the lips. She says she isn’t looking to date, but is on a dating Go check, she’s probably online right now. Another thing, when they shut you down you delete all their messages and number – then move on. Don’t hang around begging to be friends or asking for advice – women give terrible advice.

    • Yeah, I know. But sometimes you just want to make sure it’s nothing egregious or something you’re doing unawares. And what are you saying, I was supposed to kiss her on the lips when we first met? She didn’t seem receptive to physical contact to begin with, so I don’t see how that would have gone over better.

  2. I don’t know about the advice to try to kiss a girl right away. It seems bit over the top to me. Quite an invasion of personal space I would think. Basically you’re strangers.

    You seem to have no problem getting 1st dates with these girls, so at some level you must be somewhat attractive to them. I’m a big believer in “friends first”. These girls are likely getting swamped with attention so any pressure will turn them off. Catching fire with one of them, if it happens, will take some time. Go in with no expectations other than a pleasant few hours. If they want to see you again it’s up to them and they’ll let you know.

    I was thinking back to #31 or whichever one that was. You have valuable time (and money) that you don’t want to waste. If some girl shows up and she’s obviously not into the date from the outset, ask for an apology and leave. People should be called out their bs. She should have had the courtesy of saying no to a meeting in the first place if she wan’t interested.

    • Ask for an apology? That’s a bit OTT. Someone not being interested in you doesn’t merit you demanding an apology from them. Apology for what? And why would she waste time meeting you in the first place if she wasn’t interested in doing so? Some people can be very quick to make a first impression, and if they aren’t interested after a couple of minutes it can be very hard to ‘fake it’ during a date if they don’t feel brave enough to state that they aren’t interested once they’ve met you.

      If anything, once you realise your date isn’t feeling it, just breezily say, ‘Well, it seems we’re both wasting our time here, so let’s just call it a night and move on. Thanks for meeting me and good luck with your search’.

        • Because they’re on a dating site, trying to meet someone for a date? 🙂 That’s how it goes….you might really like the person once you meet them, or you might turn up, see them and know within moments that it won’t work. But you won’t know unless you go. Some people just don’t know how to react appropriately if they feel that there is no chemistry or whatever, and just give off the ‘I don’t want to be here’ vibe hoping the other person will get the message. Very few will say outright ‘I’m not feeling it/I don’t think this will work out, and I think we should just cut our losses’ or words to that effect. The jury is still out on whether such a response is correct or callous….

  3. Sometimes I realize how some women get scared because you’re looking for more than they’re looking for with you. I’m a victim of that too and mostly the two of you aren’t on the same page. It’s really difficult to get there unfortunately.

  4. You’re damn right you were looking for more, which is a woman to date, romance, seduce, enchant or have sex with.

    Ok my kiss hello suggestion was a lemon, I own up to that. My bad. And from what it sounds like, it was not the only factor.

    It’s funny, in the dating game, being somewhat aloof and free to be you WHILE having the agenda of attraction

  5. Going for broke and asking a woman the reasons why she’s not interested. Why not, right? Most times you’ll hear nothing of value but Sounds like she game you stuff to work with.

  6. Also, you not sure if you’re attracted to the second one? Take it from experience, many a great woman have I passed up because I found things “wrong” with them and in retrospect I realize that I was a fucking idiot. That I was blowing things out of proportion and was a big reason as to why I wasn’t having luck with women when I was younger.

    If you had a good connection with this one, see where this goes.

  7. From a cultural point of view as somebody living in Europe, a kiss on the cheek should not be read as anything more than that – a warm sign of greeting. I kissed most of my dates on the cheek on the first date, including my current girlfriend, and it seemed to create a more relaxed atmosphere. The fact that you are getting negative reactions to this could be an American thing or it could be a “choosing the wrong type of girl” thing.

    The hug I am in two minds about. A full hug may seem a bit full on, but I have always found it a safe option to put one arm around her and kiss her on the cheek. Most seemed to like that.

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