Spring has arrived and it’s dating season once more.  I’m searching on OKC again and my inexhaustible supply of matches continues to astound me.  I can only imagine how many more I’d have if I lived in the city as opposed to the suburbs.

I felt like hot shit when I triple-booked Tuesday.  That’s right, I had three dates lined up.  Then one by one they all canceled.  This one had to drive her sister someplace, this one was with her mom at the hospital, this one had a quiz to study for… Two of them made noises about rescheduling, but the ball’s in their court.  I told them to let me know when is good for them and I left it at that.  In the meantime I’m moving on with my search.

I did score two dates over the weekend, though:

This one I reeled in via one of my let’s-see-if-this-gets-a-response messages.  She wrote back and before long we exchanged numbers and started texting.  The conversation got better and better until we agreed that we had to meet.  A date was set for Saturday night at a crepe place.  We were just as excited about meeting as we were at the prospect of food.

I was positive that we would hit it off and I had a really good feeling about things, but she telegraphed her disinterest the second she walked into the door.  I hadn’t even stood up or said one word yet.  I gave her a hug which she weakly reciprocated, and we took a seat after ordering our food.

Things were just totally off.  I did my best to engage with her, but despite our shared dance background (we’d even attended the same school) I just couldn’t get a conversation going.  I went from topic to topic.  Nothing.  Of course, it would have helped if she had participated.  She gave me one-sentence answers and then silence, punctuated by glances at her phone or around the shop.  She didn’t ask me a single question about myself, even when I volunteered information. Talking to the wall would have been more productive.

No sooner had I taken my last bite did she start pulling on her coat.  “Well, you’re putting on your jacket so I guess that means you’re ready to leave,” I said dryly.  We’d only been there for 40 minutes.

“Yeah,” she said.  “I’m sorry, I’m just not feeling this.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” she grimaced at me.  “There’s just something about you I can’t put my finger on.”  She paused.  “You’re kinda nerdy, I guess.  Too straight-edge for me.  And the way you’re dressed…”  This coming from the girl wearing a basic sweater and jeans and next to no makeup.  Meanwhile I thought I looked pretty good.  I wore the same jeans and button-down I wore when I met my new friend Emma, and she said I looked good.

“What’s wrong with the way I’m dressed?” Well, she didn’t like that I was wearing sneakers, going so far as to put her head under the table to look at them.  What the fuck.  This was the problem?  Was I supposed to put on dress shoes to eat crepes?   Now I was getting really annoyed, and I was right on her heels to leave.  When we were outside I just said goodbye and that was it.  So… yeah.  That was pretty disappointing.  And I just couldn’t get over the disconnect between the girl I talked to online and the one I met in person.

This one was actually on Easter.  I’ll call her California Girl.  She’s only in NY for a year for her graduate program and she’s going back to California in August.  She’s more of an outdoorsy type so I suggested a walk through the nature preserve.  When she arrived I took Gratuitous Rex’s advice to dispense with the hugging and just grasp her hand and kiss her on the cheek instead.  However she seemed totally caught off guard and I got her on the ear instead of her cheek.  Woo.  Awkward.

I turned her attention to the ducks clustered nearby, but they weren’t interested in the lettuce I brought.  Damn.  Awkward on two fronts now.  So I gave up on my web-footed friends and led her through the park instead.  Once we got past that rough beginning things went a little more smoothly.  And what a difference from the previous night. CG actually knew how to participate in a conversation.  Quite refreshing.

We toured the preserve, discussing the differences between NY and CA, swapping online dating stories, talking about our jobs, and then we found a giant orb in the middle of a field.  Upon closer inspection we found a slit in the side and an inscription:  “Cartas al Cielo.” Letters to the Sky.  A celestial mailbox for delivering messages to the heavens. We each wrote something and put it inside.  I’d say that was a pretty cool find.


We were there for almost two hours before calling it a day.  She wants to explore as much of NY as she can while she’s here and she said she was open to another outdoor adventure with me.  However I got the impression that I was completely friend zoned.  She showed zero interest in anything beyond that, so if we do get together again that’s all it’ll be.  It just sucks because I found her really attractive and easy to talk to.  Even though I was nervous and tongue tied some of the time… just can’t seem to get past that no matter how many dates I go on.


First dates:  32
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  10
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 2

43 thoughts on “Resurrection

  1. Date #31 sounds rude and entitled so at least you escaped that. Despite this, her evaluation sounds specific and potentially helpful to apply and. although you’ve heard other opinions, her impressions may have been shared with other women you’ve been out with?

    • I guess it might be helpful. I’ve been needing to update my wardrobe anyway as I’m outgrowing a lot of my clothes lately. But on the other hand I almost feel like I should make it a point to wear sneakers from now on just to weed out girls like her.

      • It’s my policy to always wear sneakers on a first date, haha. But they’re black soccer shoes and are pretty subtle. I have no problem with a date wearing athletic, modern looking shoes that go with their clothes, that would actually be a plus to me since I’m really athletic but I’ve seen some men fail in the sneaker department. Proceed carefully?

  2. #31 Ridiculously picky. She didn’t like your trainers? How old was she, 12?! You know in five years time she will be on POF and OKC whining and bitching about how there are no decent men around.

    #32, my guess is she wants to keep things casual because she is heading back. I think she’s after friends, a bit of fun and casual dating, just to keep things calm for a while. Don’t write her off just yet, just play it cool and see how it goes.

  3. DON’T take Gratuitous Rex’s advice. I would not want a kiss on the cheek the first time a guy. I would feel a tad uncomfortable by that and thrown off, but I guess it also depends on the guy. If you’ve ever watched How I Met Your Mother, it’d be like the dobbler effect.

      • Context is the key as with everything. If you already have sexual interaction in messages, texts, phone calls then it is ok. If it’s just a normal date then i’d start the interaction with a smile, hug and a funny comment/remark.

      • I think a hug is good enough. That’s how most males and females greet me casually, and I think it’s safe to do the first time or first few times meeting a woman that you’re meeting up with. You can eventually go for a kiss on the cheek/hand/mouth after a few hang outsides (just not the first) once there’s obvious interest or some kind of established connection on both sides.

        • A few people had advised me not to go for a hug when meeting a girl for the first time, telling me either that it’s like friend zoning her, or that it’s too much physical contact when you’re just meeting her for the first time.

          Kiss on the hand? Guys actually do that?

          • I mean a hug is better than a handshake. That’s too formal, so it’s better to just say hi or a hug. Don’t read too much into it. I don’t think hugging is friendzoning because guys I have hooked up with or had romantic interest in would hug me when greeting me or vise versa.

            I think a hug is friendlier than a handshake and would make me feel more comfortable and welcome than a handshake. I also think it depends on context and what culture they come from (since in some cultures, hugging is trespassing a person’s personal space). I don’t think hugging is too much physical contact in American culture though, but don’t drag out the hug or make it too tight.

            Guys have kissed me on the hand before which doesn’t happen often, but I’m indifferent about that honestly. Usually it’s never the one’s I’m attracted to who do it.

            • Just read their body language and see if they’re open to giving a hug. If they don’t look like they’re open to hugging upon meeting you, just say hi and get to what you guys plan on doing.

  4. Say, Lad, what’s happened to the Date Counter’s “Sexual experiences” category? Dammit, man, give us the 0.6!

  5. Thanks for the attempt. And yes I agreee with the first woman you dated in this pair. Sneakers on a date is a no no. Heck I’m with my gf 11 months now and I don’t wear Sneakers. Make it look like you’re making am effort to be better than very casual. I work out in sneakers. I don’t date in them.

    I’m not saying to wear dress shoes. I’m a big fan of casual black or brown shoes that look more formal than sneakers and less formal than dress shoes.

    Clarks makes some good stuff that are comfortable too. Steve Madden too but I find their shoes to be poorer quality, though the price is cheaper too

      • I’m sure you do.

        I think you got some actual feedback from a woman whom you were on an actual date with. That normally does not happen. Use it to your advantage. Buy some better shoes.

        • Agreed. I wouldn’t be so blatantly rude to a guy because of his shoes, but as a girl who has had romantic flings with guys with numerous shoes/hats (these guys can get many girls too), I now just naturally notice a guy’s shoes and it’s a plus when they wear nice shoes. It shows they have some kind of style or know how to put themselves together. You can even wear nicer/more fashionable looking casual sneakers (Aldo and Steve Madden have some nice fashionable casual shoes. Even Nike’s casual sneakers would be fine too) not just the kind you wear to work out.

          Every female has different preferences, but it doesn’t hurt to make yourself a tad more appealing by dressing a bit nicer yet still comfortably. Of course you don’t have to and that can be a filter for women who like you for how you dress now, but dressing a slightly nicer can boost your chances with a broader range of women.

          • Right. Every woman is different but best be prepared for women in general. Heck I have a friend who is awful about clipping his fingernails, they get like claws. And he refuses to change. And he’s very single. But women notice things and are choosy about who to spend time with. And they should be.

            • Agreed that women can be choosy with who they spend their time with. If you’re going after a decently attractive women, then they are likely to have options and/or have a standard. As a decently attractive woman, you’re likely to have say 6 guys interested in you at the moment than say a guy who might just have 1-2 girls (since guys also have to make more effort with initiating).

              There are many guys that I just put in the friend zone because I’m not attracted to them (looks or personality wise.. usually more personality wise cuz I’d honestly probably just hook up with them if they were hot but not date them if they didn’t have a compatible personality to me, but that’s just me, not all females). I agree, women can be quick to filter out guys based on particular characteristics. I admit I am guilty of that too and quick to put them in the friend zone, or altogether avoid meeting up with them again if something turned me off about them and I knew they’d still be persistent (which would make me feel uncomfortable).

          • I’d still say to avoid sneakers. Think of it as if there’s a dating uniform. Can’t go wrong with a cool button down, neat jeans, casual intermediate shoes and a belt whose color matches the shoes (black or brown)

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