I just went on my first Tinder date. She was a 29yo kickboxing instructor and aspiring teacher, and pretty cute. I’ve been on Tinder for a week and I have 30 matches so far. Half of them haven’t responded to my messages. Conversations with the other half didn’t go anywhere but I did make some headway with The Kickboxer. I even experimented by dropping in a few flirty/suggestive remarks, which seemed to go over well. Then I saw an opening when she said she moved here from out of town, “but it’s a long story.”
“I’d like to hear it,” I said. “How about over drinks?”
She accepted. Game on. We spent two hours sitting and talking over food and beer. Eventually I ended up in the usual rut of work/school/family/travel/online dating stories… and then I simply didn’t know what else to talk about. I didn’t think she was really feeling me either, so I called it a night before things got awkward. When we parted ways I didn’t say anything about getting together again. I simply told her I had a good time and enjoyed meeting her, and that was that.
Another girl down.
JBlondie told me that this is a bad time of year to be dating and that summer is the season. I tend to agree since that’s when I’ve had the most success. I’ve been experimenting on OkCupid with different pictures and profile tweaks. When the blizzard hit a few weeks ago, I took advantage of everyone being online and sent out a blizzard of messages. I got a pretty good number of responses. Most of them fizzled out, although I was casting a wide net so I expected to throw some fish back. Over the past few weeks at least a dozen girls even deleted their profiles in the middle of our conversations, one of whom I was in the middle of setting up a date with.
It’s been frustrating and my OKC profile is languishing. I decided it was time to try something different, so I’ve gotten with the times and I’m on Tinder now. I’m also on another app called Bumble (also a good word to describe how my dating attempts feel at times). Bumble is basically a Sadie Hawkins version of Tinder. When you match with a girl she has 24 hours to message you, otherwise the match expires and then it’s gone forever. So far I’ve lost over 20 Bumble matches.
Between that and the non-responses on Tinder, I have to wonder why these girls swiped right for me in the first place. Sometimes I wonder if being on these apps isn’t just an ego boost for some of them, or a matter of self-promotion since they all use their profiles to advertise their Instagrams. Who knows. I’m not really a fan of these apps because I find it much harder to start a conversation when all I have to work with is pictures. At least on OKC there are profiles to read and match questions to compare.
Truth be told, I’m not a fan of online dating – period. After 7+ years of on-and-off attempts, I’m starting to think that it just isn’t going to be my path to success. I’d still rather meet someone the old-fashioned way, but right now I don’t have a better place to meet single girls in these numbers. However I am making continued efforts to meet people organically. I’ve been trying new activities and I’ve already made a new friend or two. I should have a better chance of meeting someone by expanding my social circle.
Recently I’ve started confiding in my existing friends about my dating struggles. I’ve never discussed it with any of them before. They don’t know I’m a virgin, although I’m sure some of them suspect it. But I figured it might be a good idea to spread the word that I’m single and looking. Unfortunately, it appears I waited too long to ask around. My friends told me that the girls they know are either in a relationship, engaged, married, lesbian, crazy… or I’m simply not their type. Meanwhile one of my friends jumps around like Daffy Duck, shouts obscenities and nonsense, and sends people defecation videos. And today I got his “Save the Date” wedding announcement in the mail.
I dunno. Not sure what I’m doing wrong over here…
First dates: 29
Second dates: 3
Third dates: 2
Stood up: 2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences: 0.6