Fresh off another first date.  We met at the local nature preserve, where we walked among the waterfowl at the water’s edge.  It was an unseasonably warm day, but unfortunately the clouds and wind moved in by the time we got together.  The conversation was awkward at first, but after a few minutes we settled into a nice flow.  I wasn’t sure about her when I first saw her, but the more we talked the more attractive I found her.

We were only there for an hour as I had to get going and she had to get back to her babysitting gig.  Her regular job is as a teacher.  Shocker – a teacher on OKC.  Seriously, that’s like the #1 profession of OkCupiders, followed by nurse, social worker, and vet.  And everybody rides horses.  What’s with all the horseback riders?


I really liked her and told her I wanted to get together again, and she agreed.  I’ve texted her since then with a second date idea, but as of this writing there’s been no response.  Bummer.  But we’ll see.

In the meantime I’m still making chit-chat with Melody.  I’m still not sure what to make of the whole “friends first” thing.  The way I look at it, if there’s mutual attraction/interest, then why can’t we skip the whole “friends” phase?  And friends for how long?  How long am I going to have to hover around until she can decide how she feels about me?  And then how exactly are you supposed to go from being friends to being more than friends?  I don’t know, the whole thing just sounds like a one-way ticket to being friendzoned.  Some of you have already commented about this on my last post, but I’m not sold on the idea.  Further thoughts, anyone?

First dates:  25
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6

13 thoughts on “Babysitting

  1. If you are truely interested in her be her friend. It doesn’t mean you stop dating other people or are just waiting around on her. You just be friends and continue to talk an hang out and see what happens. Honestly, if you’re looking for a serious relationship friendship should be the foundation anyway. Either it turns into something else or it doesn’t. If she isn’t asking you not to talk to other women and you respect her and like her I don’t see what the problem is. (PS I told my husband I wanted to just be friends at first. Then a month later when he still hasn’t tried anything, I’m the one who quickly took him to bed. 😜) waiting can be worth it.

    • The problem is that when women say this, there is a concern (that more often than not is proven right) that they are rarely being honest about it with themselves or with the man. In most cases, he will discover that she doesn’t want him to see anyone else; this contradicts the notion that they are “just friends”. In other cases, it is a way of letting him down easily.

      How would you have felt if at the time of meeting your husband, after you have him the “friends first” speech, he then went on to date other women while maintaining a friendship with you?

      • Seeing as how it would have been MY idea, I wouldn’t have cared. Or it would have made me realize how I really felt. Either way, the person is either worth waiting for or not. It is well within anyone’s right to ask to be friends first. It is also within the other person’s right to decide if they are willing to do that or not. You also need to remember that women don’t owe men an explanation or a reason for not being interested.

        • I never said they did, but men don’t owe women exclusivity when they are not in a relationship. In some cases “let’s be friends first” comes with the expectation that he put his life on hold to focus is attention on her and not see anyone else while she figures out her feelings.

          It happens.

          • She never asked for exclusivity. Sounds like you need to learn that women are capable of saying what they mean. Believe it or not a vast majority of us are smart and say what we mean and don’t need a man to translate for us. No means no. Friends means friends. Just because it has happened to you doesn’t mean it is automatically the truth for everyone else.

            • I never said she did suggest that, I was merely warning him against that sort of behaviour. Why did you take such personal offence at me offering a fellow male some advice about how some women act? Not exactly a slur against the entire gender now is it? Quite why you chose to take it that way I can only speculate.

              Just because it has happened to you doesn’t mean it is automatically the truth for everyone else.

              Thanks for putting words into my mouth but I never said anything of the sort. Just because you have never done it, it doesn’t mean that it hasn’t happened. Some women want their cake and eat it – just like some men do

  2. The way I look at it, if there’s mutual attraction/interest, then why can’t we skip the whole “friends” phase?

    I think some women do this to stop you looking while they figure out what they feel. Don’t stop looking, don’t stop dating. If she gets upset that you’re still dating others then you can point out that while you are only friends you can date who you please.

    I wrote an article in the summer about women who ask to be “friends first”.

  3. Friends first is bs. Don’t engage. You’re not looking for a friend so don’t put any energy into it. Yes others will pounce on my statement “but that’s how I met my wife/husband.” This are exceptions. You’ve been friend zoned. Don’t accept it. If she was attracted, she’s be dating you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s