Fermenting

Best date yet.  Of course, the bar wasn’t set terribly high so that’s not saying much.  It still went really well. However, there was just one small catch: she lived three hours away.  We’d actually started talking on OKC a long time ago but I never pursued anything due to the distance.  Then she found a boyfriend and left the site, but we added each other on Facebook and kept in touch.  When I found out she was recently single, I seized the opportunity – especially now that I’m on a traveling kick.  I asked if she wanted to meet and she was all for it.

So there we were, pushing a shopping cart through a grocery store.  I was reminded irresistibly of Dating Fresh’s first date with The Marine, but we had to get cheese and snacks for our trip to the winery.  Apparently a lot of people bring food to the vineyard so they have stuff to munch on while they drink.  Good idea. But loading up on food for a date?  I love to eat and I love a girl who loves to eat.  Major win already.

She picked the winery (because we were in her neck of the woods, after all), and they had a neat outdoor pavilion with heaters to keep the 45-degree chill away from us.  For the next three hours we sat at one of the little tables and swapped stories and jokes.  I was amazed at how much we had in common.  She was like the female version of me.  We’d both spent more time on OKC than we cared to admit.  We had the same complaints and observations about others’ dating profiles.  We’d both made up fake profiles as the opposite sex in order to do research.  We’d both been on a massive spree of fruitless first dates.  We both had crazy ex stories.  We had the same foul mouth and sense of humor. We had a shared disgust over people who can’t put their phones away for five minutes.  Neither of us liked dogs or were pet people. Neither of us liked or watched sports.  We liked the same fall/outdoor activities.  We liked the same snacks.  We had the same food allergies.  We both have a borderline unhealthy obsession with a favorite animal.

Needless to say, we hit it off pretty well.  The staff chased us out of the winery at closing time, so we ended up going bowling and then getting more food.  After six or seven hours together we finally called it a night.  She had work early in the morning and I had a long drive back home.  We stood there slightly awkwardly in the parking lot – perhaps something else we had in common.  I told her I had a lot of fun and she concurred.  Then I said she should come visit me next time.  She received my invitation with trepidation; she had enough trouble navigating her own part of the state, let alone coming all the way down to where I live.  But she said it would be nice to get together again.  Yeah.  Coming from a girl, I know what that means by now.  Means it’s unlikely to happen.  However, with her it doesn’t really matter since there’s the aforementioned distance thing.

Still… I wanted to kiss her.  But at that moment that I realized that I didn’t know how.  Absolutely no idea how.  In fact, when I think about it almost every first kiss I’ve had was initiated by the girl.  Of course, there were other girls I would have liked to have kissed, but it’s hard to go for it when they’re quick-stepping away from you at the end of the date. So instead we just hugged and went our separate ways, each telling the other to get home safe.  Going for the kiss is something I obviously need to work on.

And that was that.  We’re still going to be in touch but I don’t expect much further to happen.  But who knows.  In the meantime I have two more dates set up for this week.  I’ve also heard back from Melody.  I had asked her what she’s looking for and she told me “I am looking for something.  But I’m looking for it to grow out of a friendship.”  Yeah.  I have no idea what to do with that, apart from interpreting it as yet another “not interested.”

Looking for “something….”  Just a little vague, don’t you think?

And in other news, I’ve gained back another two pounds.  Go me!

First dates:  24
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6

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26 thoughts on “Fermenting

  1. Going for the kiss is something I obviously need to work on.

    Don’t fret about it too much. Let it come naturally, because it will. The more you worry about it, the worse it will feel.

    Just because she didn’t want to kiss you on the first date, it doesn’t mean nothing will come of it. Ignore the PUAs who tell you otherwise. When I met my now girlfriend, I really wanted to kiss her on the first date but the vibe was not right. It happened on our second date after a lot of flirting.

    Don’t give up before you are out of the stable door. Best of luck with your other dates 🙂

  2. Atta boy!! Go, lad, go!!
    Nothing ahead but blue skies, green acreage and fallen leaves in need of collecting.
    Everything’s coming up you, boyo!!! 💫

  3. Couple things… under normal circumstances, in general, the woman shouldn’t be traveling to visit a man until she knows him well and feels safe with him. Esp if it’s a 3 hour drive. So the request for her to come to you was premature, if you’re to see her again then you’ll do the driving.

    An awkward stand in the parking lot is the time to go in for the kiss. She didn’t speed away, she stood awkwardly, quite possibly waiting for you to make a move.

    Men need to be brave in this world. No you’re not fighting off a mugger, but it still takes bravery to go in for the kiss.

    If you’ve only initiated 2 kisses, then yes you need practice. Next time go for it. What’s the worst thing that could happen, she backs away says no for whatever reason? Big deal. you need to exercise that bold muscle. Not saying women can’t initiate, but men need to also. Be suave, you got nothing to lose. Yes, yes you can be charming and smooth. Yes, yes you can

  4. Yes, the similarity is real! If she really liked you she probably won’t mind that you didn’t kiss her, there’s something somewhat endearing about that a guy’s nerves on the first date- to me at least. For the second though, do it for sure if it continues to go well.

    I disagree with the commenter above- I drove almost 3 hours to meet the marine on our first date so I think there should be equality in both of you visiting each other, but it would be nice if you to offer if she is the hesitant type, or at least meet in between! Love that this was finally a good one!

  5. Sounds like you two have more in common than the others: ” We’d both spent more time on OKC than we cared to admit. We had the same complaints and observations about others’ dating profiles. We’d both made up fake profiles as the opposite sex in order to do research. We’d both been on a massive spree of fruitless first dates. We both had crazy ex stories. We had the same foul mouth and sense of humor. We had a shared disgust over people who can’t put their phones away for five minutes. Neither of us liked dogs or were pet people. Neither of us liked or watched sports. We liked the same fall/outdoor activities. We liked the same snacks. We had the same food allergies. We both have a borderline unhealthy obsession with a favorite animal.” I think finding someone in common is the key to a nice relationship, as while opposites do attract, they really don’t always work out, usually ending in messy breakups or divorces. I don’t think I could stand a chatterbox like the last person you went on a date in Melody, as I am really taciturn, introverted, not into mainstream society cultural stuff, a bookworm, usually serious, and hard to get to know. I would find a chatterbox to have very little in common that it would lead to the opposite qualities rearing its ugly head and causing conflict. A person who is opposite of me would be very social, very religious, sexually experienced, popular, into mainstream stuff, talkative, silly, gossipy, energetic, superficial, egocentric/egomaniac, childish, a bully, aggressive and pushy, materialistic. I couldn’t comprehend having a date with my polar opposite.

    • I don’t know, I think I might like someone a little opposite of me, at least in some aspects. Could make things a little more interesting. For example I tend to be a little introverted at times so being with someone more outgoing and talkative would provide a nice balance. I don’t mind a chatterbox as long as she’s not stepping all over everything I say.

  6. Re reading this. Have you worked on how to initiate a kiss? Looked up above online, on YouTube, asked women how they like men to initiate kissing? Next time you’re in that position, make a move instead of being paralyzed by not knowing. I’ve kissed lots of women in my day would be willing to help

    • Looking back, I’m realizing I’ve rarely been in that position in the first place. Precious few girls actually dropped cues or provided an opening for me to go in for a kiss. The rest were quick-stepping across the parking lot to their cars. So I’m just overthinking how to approach a situation I’ve never really been in, come to think of it.

  7. Two new pounds? Way to go, lad.
    Were it only possible, I would ecstatically make a birthday/Christmas gift to you of some of my avoirdupois. 😉

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