Monthly Archives: October 2015

Surveying

As you can see, I’m on a posting spree.  In fact, my output may increase even more.  My dad stories have always been a hit, so I’ve been considering devoting a second blog to that subject.  Then readers can follow my dating travails on this blog and learn about my larger universe on the other.  Would this interest any of you?

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Things have been quiet on the dating front.  I’ve run out of things to say to Melody, and she never initiates any conversation with me.  So I think I’ve lost interest in her.  Even if I wanted to see her again, she says she doesn’t have any time.  So I guess that’s that.  Meanwhile I haven’t heard from The Babysitter since our walk in the park and she hasn’t responded to my second date proposal.  I guess that’s that too.  There were a couple of others I was trying to set dates with, but got nowhere.

The first one looked like Denise Richards and she gave me her number by the second message.  I didn’t even have to ask for it, so I considered that a good sign.  I texted her immediately and suggested going out Friday night.  I waited.  And waited.  She finally got back to me a few days later:

“Sorry for the late reply!  This weekend I have my best friends wedding, how does next week work for you?  I’m free usually after 6 on weekdays”

Okay, that sounded encouraging.  So I suggested Monday at 7.  And then I waited again. A whole week went by without hearing from her.  Ridiculous.  Finally I texted her:  “Hey!  I got back to you with a date and time and didn’t hear anything…?”

“Hey!  I’m so sorry, I’ve had 2 weddings in 2 weeks and have been struggling with my schedule.”  Right. And you couldn’t have said so?  So I told her to let me know when was good for her, and she said Friday at 6:30.  Then she didn’t respond when I contacted her Friday to confirm.  A couple of days later I texted the following:

“Well I didn’t hear anything from you again.  I take it you’re not interested then…”

“No, I am so sorry. I’ve been MIA, life has been very hectic (and then I got sick).  I have to go to my parents house tonight and help out because of illness in the family too.  I feel like such a flake and it’s not my thing I promise.  Rain check?”

Umm… nope.  I think I’m all rained out over here.

I’ll call the second girl Dog Girl.  She was very attached to her three dogs and referred to them as her kids.  That was a warning right there.  But she actually messaged me first with a “Hi handsome…” so naturally I thought she was worth a look.  I gave her my number after a few days of messages and she texted me, and I asked her out on a date.  That was where we ran into a spot of bother.  She was distressed that I wasn’t going to take her on a fancy date.  So you won’t go on a date unless I spoil you and treat you like a pampered princess?  Fuck off.

I didn’t actually say that, but that’s what went through my head.  Instead I just said that I thought that was too much for a first date.  She relented and agreed to meet for drinks, but I already knew that this wasn’t going to work if that’s her mindset.  Nonetheless I proposed the following night around 9 or 9:30, and she said she would have to check her schedule and let me know.  Yeah, okay.  Unsurprisingly I did not hear back from her.

And that was all she wrote.

With that I was left no choice but to go back on OKC and start prospecting again.  I’m meticulously combing through every single profile in my match results.  If I can’t find anything to start a conversation with, I hide the profile and move onto the next one.  It’s a real bummer, though, that the girls whose profiles really speak to me are precisely the ones that don’t respond to my messages.  Dammit.  So I don’t have anyone else in the pipeline right now. My current profile has yet to achieve the level of “success” as my last profile, but I’m still working out the kinks.

Meanwhile I’ve resumed dancing at long last.  We were left dance-less after Teacher skipped town on us back in the spring, but the other girls found a new place and I finally joined them there last week.  Saw Dancer Chick, Married Girl, and one new face.  New Face seemed rather interested in me, unless I’m imagining things again.  She asked what town I was from, how long I’d been dancing for, and was very excited when I told her about the other dance group I was with (before Director died).  All this before I’d even finished tying my shoes.  She looks super young though.  Although we’re all in the adult class, so she’s fair game.  In any case I certainly can’t wait to talk to her some more this week.  She has my attention.

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Babysitting

Fresh off another first date.  We met at one of the local ponds, and the plan was to feed the ducks but I didn’t have time to get any food.  Instead we just walked among the waterfowl at the water’s edge.  It was an unseasonably warm day, but unfortunately the clouds and wind moved in by the time we got together.  The conversation was awkward at first, but after a few minutes we settled into a nice flow.  I wasn’t sure about her when I first saw her, but the more we talked the more attractive I found her.

We were only there for an hour as I had to get to band practice and she had to get back to her babysitting gig.  Her regular job is as a teacher.  Shocker.  A teacher on OKC.  Gee, I’ve never come across one of those before.  Seriously, that’s like the #1 profession of OkCupiders, followed by nurse, social/disabled worker, and vet.  And everybody rides horses.  What’s with all the horseback riders?

Anyway.

I really liked her and told her I wanted to get together again, and she agreed.  I’ve texted her since then with a second date idea, but as of this writing there’s been no response.  Bummer.  But we’ll see.

In the meantime I’m still making chit-chat with Melody.  I’m still not sure what to make of the whole “friends first” thing.  The way I look at it, if there’s mutual attraction/interest, then why can’t we skip the whole “friends” phase?  And friends for how long?  How long am I going to have to hover around until she can decide how she feels about me?  And then how exactly are you supposed to go from being friends to being more than friends?  I don’t know, the whole thing just sounds like a one-way ticket to being friendzoned.  Some of you have already commented about this on my last post, but I’m not sold on the idea.  Further thoughts, anyone?

First dates:  25
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6

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Fermenting

Best date yet.  Of course, the bar wasn’t set terribly high so that’s not saying much.  It still went really well. However, there was just one small catch: she lived three hours away.  We’d actually started talking on OKC a long time ago but I never pursued anything due to the distance.  Then she found a boyfriend and left the site, but we added each other on Facebook and kept in touch.  When I found out she was recently single, I seized the opportunity – especially now that I’m on a traveling kick.  I asked if she wanted to meet and she was all for it.

So there we were, pushing a shopping cart through a grocery store.  I was reminded irresistibly of Dating Fresh’s first date with The Marine, but we had to get cheese and snacks for our trip to the winery.  Apparently a lot of people bring food to the vineyard so they have stuff to munch on while they drink.  Good idea. But loading up on food for a date?  I love to eat and I love a girl who loves to eat.  Major win already.

She picked the winery (because we were in her neck of the woods, after all), and they had a neat outdoor pavilion with heaters to keep the 45-degree chill away from us.  For the next three hours we sat at one of the little tables and swapped stories and jokes.  I was amazed at how much we had in common.  She was like the female version of me.  We’d both spent more time on OKC than we cared to admit.  We had the same complaints and observations about others’ dating profiles.  We’d both made up fake profiles as the opposite sex in order to do research.  We’d both been on a massive spree of fruitless first dates.  We both had crazy ex stories.  We had the same foul mouth and sense of humor. We had a shared disgust over people who can’t put their phones away for five minutes.  Neither of us liked dogs or were pet people. Neither of us liked or watched sports.  We liked the same fall/outdoor activities.  We liked the same snacks.  We had the same food allergies.  We both have a borderline unhealthy obsession with a favorite animal.

Needless to say, we hit it off pretty well.  The staff chased us out of the winery at closing time, so we ended up going bowling and then getting more food.  After six or seven hours together we finally called it a night.  She had work early in the morning and I had a long drive back home.  We stood there slightly awkwardly in the parking lot – perhaps something else we had in common.  I told her I had a lot of fun and she concurred.  Then I said she should come visit me next time.  She received my invitation with trepidation; she had enough trouble navigating her own part of the state, let alone coming all the way down to where I live.  But she said it would be nice to get together again.  Yeah.  Coming from a girl, I know what that means by now.  Means it’s unlikely to happen.  However, with her it doesn’t really matter since there’s the aforementioned distance thing.

Still… I wanted to kiss her.  But at that moment that I realized that I didn’t know how.  Absolutely no idea how.  In fact, when I think about it almost every first kiss I’ve had was initiated by the girl.  Of course, there were other girls I would have liked to have kissed, but it’s hard to go for it when they’re quick-stepping away from you at the end of the date. So instead we just hugged and went our separate ways, each telling the other to get home safe.  Going for the kiss is something I obviously need to work on.

And that was that.  We’re still going to be in touch but I don’t expect much further to happen.  But who knows.  In the meantime I have two more dates set up for this week.  I’ve also heard back from Melody.  I had asked her what she’s looking for and she told me “I am looking for something.  But I’m looking for it to grow out of a friendship.”  Yeah.  I have no idea what to do with that, apart from interpreting it as yet another “not interested.”

Looking for “something….”  Just a little vague, don’t you think?

And in other news, I’ve gained back another two pounds.  Go me!

First dates:  24
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6

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Melody

It’s been almost an entire year but I finally went on another OkCupid date.  I really didn’t think I’d be back, but I’d been feeling especially good about myself lately so I felt like giving it another go.  It took me a few days to get the hang of messaging again; the first batch was all duds.  Before long I cleared out the cobwebs and I started getting profile views, then responses.

There were further kinks to work out when it came to moving from messaging on OKC to going on a date.  The first few attempts went nowhere – I think I was jumping the gun.  So I relaxed a little and finally snagged one.  Her name was Melody and she was a musician like myself.  Not only that but she was in a marching band like I was and even played the same instrument  That alone gave us plenty to discuss, and she said she enjoyed talking to me and wanted to know more.  Bingo.

I asked her out for drinks the other night at a bar that happened to be just ten minutes from her house, so I couldn’t have picked a more convenient spot.  She looked better than her pictures and she was a lot more talkative than I expected.  In fact she was talkative to the point where she hardly asked me anything about myself, which bugged me.  I had to volunteer any personal information, which I took as a sign that she wasn’t interested.

After an hour and a half she called it a night because she had to get up at 5:30 the next morning for work.  I walked her outside and gave her a hug.  I was just about to say good night and “it was nice meeting you” and leave it at that, but then she made noises about getting together again.  Oh.  Well if she truly wanted to see me again, I was willing to explore the possibility.  Because who knows.

We’ve been texting intermittently ever since but have been unable to agree on a day.  So I’m not getting my hopes up. She’s also busy as all get out and doesn’t seem to have much time for dating and relating, which makes me wonder what she’s really looking for right now.  Perhaps we should have discussed that on our date?  I suppose I’ll bring it up on the second date.  If there’s a second date.  Or I could even ask her in the meantime.  In any case I’m back on OKC seeing who else I can find.  I have another first date set up for Sunday, and I have a third girl I’m hoping to get together with next week.

In other news, life is still great.  I’m in a bit of a lull before the fall cleanup season begins… which according to my calendar should be in about ten days.  Until then I’m busy eating, working out (gained back four pounds already!) and spending evenings by the fire with a cold beer.  In fact, on the way home from my date with Melody I came across a shitload of firewood that someone had put out to the curb.  And I don’t know if I’m getting old or what, but I was actually a little more excited about that.

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Catch ya soon…

First dates:  23
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6

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Growth

I’ve grown a lot over the past year: personally, professionally… but not physically, unfortunately.  I’ve been working so hard that I’ve lost most of my gains.  But I’ll be able to rectify that now that I have new equipment that will cut down on my time and effort.

The growth in my business excites me the most.  I started doing landscaping jobs on the side for extra cash when the real estate market went south a few years back.  I never imagined that it would morph into my new full-time job.  Had I known that would happen, I would have developed a business plan.  Instead I found myself working very hard for very long and for very little.  I struggled with inadequate tools, I didn’t know the most efficient way to do things, and I had no idea what to charge.  Quite frankly, I just didn’t know what I was doing.  It took me a long time to learn some very obvious and painful lessons.

The most important lessons I learned were knowing my worth and knowing when to say no.  After I got a handle on those things and developed a plan, my business really turned around.  I took on a whole slate of new customers, my income went up, and I’m finally afforded the opportunity to do things I’ve wanted to do.

One of those things is traveling.  I spent a weekend in Virginia.  I went to Chicago and meet JBlondie.  And then there was California.  California was a big deal for me.   I’ve spent weekends away, but that was first time I got on a plane and actually went somewhere for several days on a real vacation.  And I’m only getting started.  I’m definitely going back to California, and over the next few months I have stops planned in Florida, North Carolina, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Colorado.  So take note, any of you fellow bloggers, if I’m headed to your part of the country and you’re interested in meeting The Unfortunate Virgin Male…

This has been a year of changes and firsts:  New traveling and experiences. Major business expansion.  Bought a second vehicle.  Added another instrument to my repertoire.  Next week I’m joining a new dance group.  This past weekend I hosted friends at my place for the first time.  I took care of some long-standing projects around the house.  I’m even getting some new furniture!  Go me.  And I feel that even more exciting things await in the months ahead.

I’ve been feeling especially good about myself lately, so I felt the time was right to get back out there.  Yes, back out in the dating market.  Back to good ol’ OKC, the bastion of all my prior success (to use the term loosely).  Actually, my recent success is partly to blame for my troubles as I’ve been isolated in a work bubble for so long.  Construction, real estate, landscaping… it was hard enough to encounter anybody my age working in those fields, let alone anyone of the opposite sex.

The only time in my life that I had girlfriends was when I was in school – when I was in contact with a large number of my peers.  When school ended I lost all of that, and then I put my nose to the grindstone and didn’t look back.  My early 20s was a freewheeling period of not looking and not caring whether I found love or sex.  I was young and reminded myself that there was plenty of time for that later on.  But then I got into my late 20s – around the advent of this blog – and realized, “um, shit, I’m getting left behind here…”

I’ve been a real late bloomer, and things are proving tougher than I thought.  It doesn’t help that I’m coming up against girls who have at least several years of experience on me.  My last relationship was at 17, so I feel like I’m only 18 or 19 in dating years.  It’s a bit of a weird place to be when you’re 30.  But I’m in a better place than I was.  Now that I have some distance I’ve been reflecting on my dating storm from last year.  Now I feel like I can approach dating with a little more self-assurance and confidence than before.  Not that I ever felt I was lacking in confidence, but I’m at a point where – if a girl says “we can be friends” – I can stand tall and say, “no that’s not what I want.”  Because it isn’t.

Aside from that I’m just trying to go with the flow and not think too far ahead.  I still feel like this could be my year, though.

I’m also getting a little behind on my blog.  Things have been happening since I started writing this post, things I must update you all on.

Talk soon…

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