Baby

Today was the big day.  I met with New Girl this afternoon to work on choreographing a dance together.   We texted throughout the week to arrange things.  She works at a dance studio, and she said she’d get the keys from the owner so we could use it for an hour or two this Sunday when nobody is there.  Good deal.

It was a bit of a drive from where I lived, but I didn’t mind.  This was something I’d dreamed of for the longest time – finding a girl to dance with.  I still wasn’t 100 percent sure whether her intentions were strictly dance-related or a deeper interest in me.  All indications seemed to point to the latter, though.

So there I was, driving down the street this afternoon, scouring the storefronts for her dance studio.  I belatedly noticed it as I drove past it.  Whoops.  I turned around and came back and parked on the opposite side.  That’s when I noticed she was parked out front, taking something out of the backseat of her car.  The bottom dropped out of my stomach and my heart started pounding.  “Oh God, please don’t let that be what I think it is…” I silently prayed.

It was.

She had a baby with her.

What. The. Fuck.

Sigh.  I knew this was too good to be true.  I knew there had to be a catch.

In case any of you have missed it or are new to my blog, I… well… strongly dislike children.  I give them a wide berth whenever possible.  Every day I wake up and give thanks that – out of a family of seven kids – I only have one niece and nephew, one of whom is already 18.

I slumped all the way down in my seat and watched as she disappeared inside with the baby.  All manner of crazy thoughts ran through my head, the first of which was to put the key back in the ignition and floor the gas pedal and immediately put as much distance between me and this place as possible.  But I couldn’t do that.  Besides, I’d already come all this way.  Might as well do what I came here to do.   How that was going to happen with a baby in the picture remained to be seen.

I grabbed my backpack and crossed the street with a heavy step.  I went through the doorway and there was Baby sitting in the corner as New Girl arranged a temporary barricade around him.

“Oh, good, you’re here!  Would you mind watching him for a second while I run out and get his playpen?” she asked.

“Yeah, sure!” I said.  She dashed back to her car, and I was stricken with abject terror as I looked at the baby.  He sat on the floor, staring back at me.  Please don’t poop or cry or move or do anything… I silently pleaded.  Thankfully she was back within 30 seconds with the playpen and had it set up in a jiffy.

“I didn’t know you had a kid,” I said nonchalantly.

“Yeah, I couldn’t find anyone to watch him this afternoon, so I had to bring him along.  I hope you don’t mind,” she said.

“Not at all,” I said as convincingly as possible.  Mentally I was screaming.

“He’s  a year old.  His name’s Liam.”

“Liam… a good Irish name.  I approve,” I chuckled.  “He’s cute,” I added helpfully.  That was no lie.

“Thanks!” she beamed at me.

“So… uh, where do you want to do this?” I inquired.

“Oh we can go into the practice room right next door.  He’ll be fine out here.”  We went into the other studio and sat down to change our shoes.  We hadn’t discussed it yet, so I figured now was a good time to bring it up:

“So what did you want to do?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing,” she laughed.  I rolled my eyes as she bent down to tie her shoelaces.  Really?

“Well, this was your idea – I thought you had something in mind already that you wanted to work on.”

“Haha, nope.  But let’s just see what we can come up with!” she said brightly.  Ever prepared, I pulled out my CD book (yes, some people still have CDs in 2015) and we thumbed through my music collection looking for something good.  Eventually we settled on a song and after an hour we had the start of a new dance.  Very cool.  And baby Liam didn’t make a peep the entire time.  I was immensely thankful that I was saved from having to interact with him in any way.  Finally we started packing things up and I helped her carry all her baby shit out to the car.

“I noticed a cafe down the street… do you want to do lunch?” I asked despite myself.

“I’m sorry, I can’t… I really should get this little guy home,” she said.  I mentally breathed a sigh of relief.  I had already kicked myself for asking.  Not sure why I did –  I guess I just wanted to keep up appearances and not have her think I was child-hater.  “But this was a lot of fun, we definitely need to keep going with this,” she added.

“Definitely,” I agreed.  “You want to get together again next Sunday?”

“Next Sunday is no good for me, but the Sunday after that I’m free!”

“Then let’s do that Sunday then!”  She agreed, and we hugged and went our separate ways.  I might consider a purely sex-based relationship with her, on the slim chance that she’s interested in something like that.  But there was no way I was interested in anything serious with this chick, not with a kid in the picture.  Kids will never be in my future.  Not ever.

Why am I seeing her again, then?  Like I said, I’ve always wanted to find a girl to dance with.  So there’s that, if nothing else.  It’s nice to meet someone with a common interest like that.  And who knows where this could lead?  Maybe I’ll end up hooking up with one of her cute, single dancer friends.  Not to mention that she has three younger, hotter, childless sisters (I looked them all up on Facebook).

But in all likelihood… this looks like yet another dead end.

***

It’s been a month since my birthday.  I’m eleven months from becoming a 31yo virgin.  But more excitingly I’ve just marked  my two-year blog anniversary!  And here I am – 42,500 blog views and 275 followers later.  Sadly many of my original readers and bloggers I’ve followed have found significant others and moved on with their lives and left WordPress behind. In any case I want to extend a hearty thanks to all those who have read and commented, and who continue to do so.  Your input is always valued, even if I like to argue with it at times.

Happy blogging!

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47 thoughts on “Baby

  1. Is it that you don’t like kids or that you’re scared of them? I can sympathise……they scare the bejesus out of me too, interacting with them I’m much like you-stay perfectly still and hope they don’t notice you 🙂 But I don’t hate them per se, they just make me even more awkward then I normally am……which is pretty impressive actually.
    Also why do people get so offend if someone says they don’t like kids or dogs? I just don’t get it, it’s not they’re asking you to not like them along with them or anything………?
    Vanessa

    • Both? lol.

      And yes, the subject of kids really sets some people off. Want none and you’re selfish. Want only one and you’re cruel because you’re depriving your child of a sibling. Have “too many” and you’re destroying the earth and you should have your vagina sewn shut. For the life of me I don’t understand why people get so worked up when I say I don’t want kids, and set about trying to convince me otherwise. Sure, let’s convince people who don’t want to be parents to go ahead and be parents anyway. Because that’s definitely a recipe for success.

      And just as you said, the same thing whenever I say I don’t like dogs. Like if I said, “I don’t like cats” (I actually do like them) people would just shrug, and some might even say, “oh, I don’t like cats either.” But say you don’t like dogs and… holy shit. People will literally stop what they’re doing and put down whatever they’re holding and turn to you with an incredulous expression going, “What!? How come you don’t like dogs?? Did you have a bad experience with dogs or something??” They demand to know why, and proceed to tick off a whole list of positive attributes about dogs and reasons why I should like them. A few have even told me, “oh, you’ll grow out of it someday!”

      Sheesh. I already have a hard enough time with women – can you imagine if they found out I don’t like kids or dogs? I made that mistake with one girl already, now I just keep that shit on the d-lo.

      • Thanks for clarifying! And of course you shouldn’t have kids if you don’t want them 🙂

        As for dogs, I don’t dislike them at all…..I often dislike their owners though who allow them to jump all over you etc and laugh ‘oh he’s just being friendly!’-I wouldn’t touch your dog (or your kid for that matter) without asking, don’t let your dog touch me without asking me if I’m okay with that! Not the dogs fault, the owners! I can’t imagine living in a house with a dog all over the furniture or in the beds, our dogs are exclusively outside dogs (unless sick) and no they don’t jump all over everyone because they know better.
        Vanessa
        PS before someone accuses me of cruelty the dogs have all-weather shelter, we don’t just leave them in the weather. Our last 2 dogs lived until 16 and 17 respectively, we must be doing something right 🙂

        • omg exactly! I find that many owners like to impose their dog on people. Never seems to occur to them that some people don’t want dogs jumping on them and licking them and whatnot. Kinda like people with cigarettes. Ya know, maybe some people don’t want smoke blown in their faces. I dunno, maybe it’s just me.
          But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at someone’s house and immediately a big dog will come pounding over, jumping on me and digging his claws in and slobbering all over me. Meanwhile the owner just stands there with his hands in his pockets going, “Oh he’s just being friendly/just saying hello.” I don’t care if he wants to buy me a beer, get him off of me. Not to mention I have allergies, but when I point that out I hear, “oh he doesn’t bite.” Wow. The dog does not have to bite me in order for me to have an allergic reaction. smh… some people…

          lol I’m so happy to hear you don’t go for dogs on the furniture or any of that. And there’s no way in hell I could stand someone who lets the dog sleep in the bed. Aside from the aforementioned allergies, there’s also the smell. I’ve been in so many homes where I knew they had a dog before I even saw or heard it, because the house absolutely reeks of the smell of dog. It permeates everything. And I can’t smell for shit, so that’s saying something.

          Practically writing another blog post here. It’s not just dogs, though. While I like animals in general, I’m just not a pet person.

  2. I would be careful with her…if she is looking for more than just a dance partner, be careful not to lead her on. From reading your blog, I don’t think you’re the type to do so. But just from the little comments about her hot friends or sisters…just learn her intentions:p lol

  3. I told you it was the 5th house. The 5th house of the Astrological
    chart is called “The house of pleasure.” It pertains to sex, gambling,
    creativity and CHILDREN. The fact that children bum you out
    DEFINATELY points to a 5th house problem. For example, “sex” is
    a “gamble” (You must risk yourself to get it. There is no such thing as
    “safe” sex.) that might lead to CREATING CHILDREN.
    IF you have 5th house problems, you might NEVER get sex. You
    should find out.
    You strike me as a person who is on a fast. The difference between
    fasting and starving, is that the “faster” thinks he can end his fast
    anytime he wants. The “starver” is terrorfied because he KNOWS
    he can’t obtain food. If you keep this up, you will turn from a volentary
    faster, to an INCEL. For God’s sake get your chart done. One Elliot
    Rodger is one too many.

  4. Speaking from experience being an adult virgin male myself who is older then yourself, I too am looking for somebody with no kids. To my surprise I got matched with somebody on Tinder and unknown to me she has kids. At first I was thinking well ok I’ll step out of my comfort zone and meet her for just this one time and then we’ll just go our own way never to talk again. After meeting her and finding out that we like a lot of the same things, I start to feel different about looking for somebody without kids. I’m still not crazy about the idea, but at my age its almost impossible to find somebody who doesn’t have kids.We have been talking off and on, and we even went to the movies together. Moral of the story, maybe you need to do something that’s out of your comfort zone. Just take a chance.

  5. Oh man. Children are the worst. Especially ones who still pee on themselves.

    Also my Dad meets all his friends with benefits through dance– that part could work for you.

    ‘Never fuck someone with a child unless you want to change diapers’ is a well-known motto.

    But seriously. Don’t.

  6. I don’t think she meant to lead you on, especially if there’s been little in the way of a spark of romance between you. Kids is not as much of a deal between friends and acquaintances as it is between people who are dating.

    I don’t want children either and it annoys me that people try and talk me out of it as though it is something you can reason people into changing their mind about. You either want them, or you don’t.

  7. Agree with ShitShow. Second you on the no kid rule. Ugh.
    What you need to take into consideration is the fact the kid is young. It means there’s an ex (well duh) that might be fairly recent. She might totally not be ready to do anything remotely dating/sex related, whether he was a douche or not. My money is on she’s not going to be interested.

  8. My stepmom never wanted to get married or have kids, yet she gave my dad a chance (who already had 3 kids) and they’ve been together for 26 years. She turned out to be better than my real mom. You never know.

  9. …but how was the dancing?? You told us about the Before, and the After, but how was the During? Were there any sparks during your physical contact with her, eye contact, laughing, joking?

    And I’d second what Ella North said: the fact that baby Liam (I love that name!) is only a year old means the Ex could be fairly recent too. After what happened with your neighbour, you might want to think twice about getting in the middle of something that may not be quite ‘over’.

    Shame though 😦

    • Oh yeah, the dancing itself was a ball. I cracked jokes, she laughed, we swapped dance stories, etc. All good fun.

      Among other reasons, the “ex” factor would give me pause too. I don’t want to have to deal with an ex in the picture because he’s the child’s father, or the baggage from that relationship, or who knows what else…

  10. No one can convince you to like kids, pets, or anything else and it would be a shame to lead some poor girl on knowing you don’t like her child (I hate living with dogs and cats too btw). But I find myself turning on you a little bit because of the long list of ‘deal breakers’ you seem to have. Everyone has something wrong with them. Granted a baby is a big piece of unwanted baggage, but who knows she may super hot in bed (like Ann St Vincent maybe) and not need a father for her child.

    Guys hate it when women set impossible-to-meet checklists for potential partners so its disappointing to see you do the same.

    Regardless of whether you are interested or not I doubt she is. I can’t imagine a woman who has a romantic interest in someone bringing her baby with her for a first time meeting.

    • I don’t have a lot of things on my checklist nowadays apart from “single, reasonably attractive, and interested in me.” Oh yeah, and “doesn’t have kids.” I don’t see how that is unreasonable or impossible to meet criteria. What is this long list of mine?

  11. That’s pretty bad form for her to not tell you about the baby spawn. She probably thought by not telling you “it will scare you away” – but lying by omission doesn’t bode well with me…

    Either way, at the least have fun dancing!

    • You’re past 30. By this age many women either have kids or desperately want them.

      I know, and it’s awful. Partly why I focus most of my attention on the under-30 crowd.

      Stick to what you want, but it rules out a lot of attractive interesting women.

      Anything with them would be extremely short-lived anyway, once they find out how much I don’t like kids. You’re talking to a guy who does what he can to avoid his own nephew.

  12. The Unfortunate Male Virgin MUST accquaint himself with songs by
    the Eagles!
    The Eagles are an MGTOW group. Whether UMV knows it or not,
    he is an MGTOW, which he will be at 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, et. all.

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