After four anxious weeks, Tuesday’s dance lessons have finally resumed.  I’ve done my best to keep my hopes down.  After class was over I deliberately lingered until the other girls had left.  Teacher was sitting in her office riffling through stuff when I appeared in the doorway.  First I asked her about the extra Friday night classes she had proposed last month, and yes she’s still going to hold those once she figures out what time is best.  Then I asked her how her holidays were.  Her parents are going through a divorce and she’s mediating.

Teacher and I have some common ground there.  What I have to deal with isn’t so bad, though.  I’m actually a hit at parties now.  People clamor for those stories, and I just stand in a corner entertaining folks with my props and gesticulations.  Teacher was slumped over with laughter at that  bit.  I joked that I picked a good time to start drinking, especially after some recent family events.  At the mention of drinking, Teacher lit up.

“Oh my god, that was so much fun last time.  We definitely need to do that again!” she said.

“Yeah, we definitely should!” I agreed.  “What you would suggest for my second beer?”  She mentioned a couple of local bars we could go to, one that has trivia night and another that has free pizza.  “Let’s do it!” I said excitedly.  “How about next week after class?”   She said she’d send an email and let the others know.  So she wants to make it another group outing.  Okay.  Not a big deal.  Our last outing was definitely the most fun I’d had in a while, and if it unexpectedly turns into a regular thing, that’s cool.

“All right, I’ll see you next week!”

“All right!  Bye sweetie…”


Ugh.  I don’t like the sound of that.  It sounds like she just views me as some adorable boy – the kind you kiss on the cheek and whose hair you ruffle and whom you call “sweetie” – and not someone she wants to dirty the sheets with.  I relayed this to a couple of friends and they confirmed my belief.  And if I needed any further confirmation, Teacher just uploaded a picture on Facebook.  A picture of the bartenders from the bar we all went to last time.  So she’s there tonight, after we were just talking about going out for drinks.

I guess she’s not interested then. Otherwise wouldn’t she have said, “actually I’m going out for a drink tonight – why don’t you come?”   Then again, as I’m typing this I’m realizing I could have suggested the same.  But for some reason my instincts told me to suggest going out next week, so I went with that.

Sigh.  Well… I can’t say I wasn’t expecting that things might unfold this way.  But even though this looks like another dead end, I feel like I gotta at least try before I give up entirely.  I have yet to turn the charm or flirtatiousness on full blast – both of which can be quite deadly if the right girl crosses my path.  And we’re still hanging out next week.  She’ll get to know me a little better outside of class (which, ironically, was my original strategy for Dancer Chick).

On a brighter note, I’m meeting with New Girl this Sunday.  I’m already preparing myself for yet another letdown.  These ups and downs are killing me.  I get my hopes up over and over and over again and I’m let down each time.  I’m not sure why this keeps happening.  At this point I can only hope that things will simply turn out differently for a change.  We shall find out soon enough.

35 thoughts on “Sweetie

  1. The ups and downs of dating are oh so exhausting. I totally get it UVM. Just keep going…keep being that little engine that could…because your girl is out there. I just know it!

  2. the kind you kiss on the cheek and whose hair you ruffle and whom you call “sweetie” – and not someone she wants to dirty the sheets with. I relayed this to a couple of friends and they confirmed my belief.

    Don’t jump to conclusions. My girlfriend calls me “sweetie” and we have sex every other night when we’re together!

    Don’t go assuming you’ve lost before you’ve even started. Just see what happens next week and act natural.

    Best of luck 🙂

  3. you are in the friendzone. move on to the next girl. she will not let you out of the friendzone, you need to leave it. being in her friendzone could ruin your chances with other girls if they find out you let yourself stay in the friendzone.

    I guess she’s not interested then. Otherwise wouldn’t she have said, “actually I’m going out for a drink tonight – why don’t you come?” Then again, as I’m typing this I’m realizing I could have suggested the same. But for some reason my instincts told me to suggest going out next week, so I went with that.

    you are right, she’s not interested. you are wrong though, she wouldn’t have invited you. girls don’t do that. you should have said it.

    i’m a ballroom dancer & i learned that i couldn’t wait for the right song to dance with a girl or wait until she wasn’t chatting to ask her to dance or next week to dance with her. life is short & things happen. some other man will ask her if you don’t.

    you need to stop waiting. stop waiting for next week, or next class, or the next dance. when you realize how easy it is to ask a girl out you are going to look back on your life at all the missed opportunities & kick yourself.

    stop waiting, you aren’t getting any younger.

      • when i said “leave the friendzone” i meant move on to another girl, because you’ll never get out of the friendzone if try to pursue her. that only happens in movies & you know life is not like the movies.

    • I agree with this comment. I’ve been out with guys before who I felt like had dating potential because I genuinely liked them, but they remained friends in my mind because they never acted otherwise, even if I knew they were interested. I’ll take initiative when I really want it, but if I don’t have a strong opinion, the ball’s in their court. If you don’t act assertive, I’m less interested. It’s nature. Or something 😉

      I think your only way out of the friendzone are asking her out (risky based on your relationship), making an overtly flirtatious comment (complimenting might work well), or let her see you get attention from other women.

      • Interesting POV…

        Hah, well the last one is not likely to happen. And asking her out is indeed risky based on the whole student/teacher thing, which is why I was waiting to see whether she showed any other possible signs of interest first. So right now it looks like overtly flirtatious comments are the way to go, if anything..

  4. I’m wondering why you don’t reveal to your teacher that you write this
    blog? Wouldn’t that be all you had to do? I’m certain that would seal
    the deal, and she could keep the secret. You know she likes you,
    so unless she’s with someone else, it would work.
    In the song “Maggie May,” by Rod Steward, there’s a line that says:
    “I laughed at all of your jokes. My love you didn’t need to coax.”
    I will agree that I find it hard to believe that ANYONE gets sex, or that
    there are 3 billion people on earth from it, just as people find it hard to believe there are lottery winners. Boys must be brought by the Stork.
    Girls must be harvested from the cabbage patch.

  5. I have to agree with you and say I think she’s not interested. Screw the gender thing; if I like someone, and they’re showing up at my door talking about going out and all, I would be on it. You would have been asked.

  6. Dont think too deep about the words. What were her emotions like? Happy? There is more meaning in delivery than content.

    Sometimes, i wish there was a book titled “act like a man, think like a lady.” That is, learn how women navigate communication. Its like speeches and stand up: its not so much what you say, but how you say it.

    Might i suggest watching or reading gone with the wind? Pay attention to rhett butlers character. He is confident about himself and what he thinks of others, while still being a gentleman in his behavior.

    • Actually there are books like that. Deborah Tannen has a few, I’d recommend looking her up. But as I said to CUCH above, women typically don’t call guys they want to date “sweetie.” It’s akin to a pat on the head.

  7. The sweetie thing does sound like the friendzone as well. When women say stuff like sweetie, aww your’re so sweet, lets just be friends, I like you as just a friend, I love you like a brother, etc. then it really isn’t gonna work out unless she would change her mind, but generally her mind is made up by then. I would stick with the date with New Girl, since Teacher is giving you mixed signals and seems to be leading you on. I have been friendzoned countless times and only one woman (my ex) had obvious interest in me. it has been over a year since me and her broke up, and I struggle to find a woman romantically interested in me. in college, I asked a woman out, who said yes, turned out to be a no show and when I saw her a few days later and asked her about if something came up, she told me she had a boyfriend. In college during my 2nd year, a woman asked me out, but she ended up being a real tease and treated me horribly.

  8. Sweetie?!?!?!?

    Calling the group is where I knew you were in trouble. she’s willing to include you, but you are already in the Friend Zone. Enjoy things while they last, but don’t turn down any other offers.

    She would have sympathy towards your plight. And even she wasn’t
    the one, she might know someone. You would NOT be ridiculed!
    Do like her solely because of her body, or her personality? She
    might be open to a “mercy F.” Or she’d refer you to someone else you
    can trust. I’ve been told that there are women who like teaching virgins
    about sex.
    You remind me of the person who complained: “Water, water, everywhere,
    but not a drop to drink!”

    • This is a bad idea. They do not know each other well enough on a personal level (as in outside of class), and I’m presuming there is not that level of intimate trust between them for UVM to show her this blog. He has been very honest about his feelings and experiences here; it is a personal journal which he shares ANONYMOUSLY with others. The whole idea of writing anonymously is the freedom to write about your feelings without the people involved reading about it. If he were in a stable relationship with her, and there was real love and trust involved, maybe he might consider sharing this part of himself with her; but revealing his innermost thoughts to her purely as a strategy to get laid, as you suggest??? Seriously Lon, think about it.

      UVM, feel free to correct me if I’m off the mark with my comment above.

  10. Sex IS the MOST revelatory and intamate act one can engage in.
    To quote the Bob Dylan song: “You’re invisible now, you have
    NO secrets to conceal.”
    If he trusts her enough to be TOTALLY NAKED before her, then he
    should be able to reveal his NAKED FEELINGS.
    Better to have “pity sex” then no sex at all. I heard a woman say,
    “There’s a small element of pity, in every woman’s love for a man.”

    • “If he trusts her enough to be TOTALLY NAKED before her, then he
      should be able to reveal his NAKED FEELINGS.”
      They are completely different things. There is of course an element of trust involved with nakedness, but you can be totally naked in front of someone and barely even know their name, let alone know anything else about them. Why would you give them the privilege of seeing your innermost thoughts, just because they saw your dangly bits? In fact, as a woman I would be a little alarmed if someone I had just slept with, or was even just becoming friendly with, showed me his blog, containing not only very personal and emotional information about himself, but also posts about ME! As I said before, once there is a real connection and complete trust, it might be a different story, but just randomly displaying your personal blog to any woman who shows a vague interest is just asking for trouble. You (and I’m talking in general terms, not to UVM) do NOT know this person well enough to trust them with this information. How do you know they wouldn’t show their friends, tell YOUR friends, make fun of you, or cut contact completely and want nothing more to do with you? You can only gauge that after you have developed a friendship, closeness and real trust with someone.

  11. I presuming that he knows his teacher well enough. He trusts her
    enough to take lessons from her. If she is such a stranger to him
    and he only wants her body because of lust, you may be correct.
    He has a “Hobson’s Choice:” To do, he must have confidence. But
    to have confidence he must do.”
    He is like a goose in a snowstorm. He doesn’t know how to read signs.
    That’s why he should have his Astrological chart done. It can tell him if
    he’s waiting in vain, or if he has hope of a sex life. If he is waiting in vain,
    he will have to “pay” for sex however unsavory it feels to him. I don’t
    suppose he wants to die having never known “love.”
    If the chart SHOWS hope, then he can make the necessary revisions
    in his behavior, and not die a virgin.

  12. Mehhh. I don’t know how I feel about this, I used to call everybody sweetie or hon or babe or whatever, even the dudes I was tryna bone. Completely different story if I call you bro. I think you’re either an idiot or a player or a douchebag if I call you bro. But aaanyway, I dunno. Go out with everybody and see what happens? New Girl sounds much more promising 🙂

  13. UVM, I wonder if you have made yourself too unavailable with Teacher. You seem popular, a good dancer, funny, and good looking. It might be possible she views you, at worst, as a player. Most likely she thinks you’re so far out of her league she’s put up her defenses.

    I get you are afraid to make any sort of move out of fear of creating an awkward situation, but you might be coming across a too aloof and indifferent.

    • You seem popular, a good dancer, funny, and good looking

      All very true. 😀

      I think I vacillate between reading too much into things, and unintentionally aloof and indifferent to a girl’s advances because I’m simply oblivious. I seriously doubt that that she’s thinks I’m out of her league. Honestly, I’d be surprised if any girl thinks of me that way. Then again, I really have no idea where girls would rate me compared to other guys. I’d be most curious to find out.

  14. He’s “at sea.” He needs a sense of perspective. The Astrological
    chart can help him.
    It’s the 5th house. He must find out what’s in his 5th house.
    What you have in the 5th house will show you whether or not your
    life is worth living. Also, the Moon and Venus, BOTH “female” signs.
    In my own case, I never even got the time of the day from a woman
    for a variety of reasons. But the Astrological chart explains all.
    There is such a thing as “ethical” suicide you know.

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