Jiggy

I’ve had my eye on this girl in my dance class for quite some time.  Mostly because she’s the only one who isn’t married, engaged or with a boyfriend, but she was also cute as hell.  A couple of months passed where we’d exchange a few words here and there, but we got to talking after class one day and continued as we walked out into the parking lot together.  Very cool.

The next week she came up to me with a question:

“I need a guy’s opinion on something…” she began.

“Oh?” I prompted.

“So there’s this guy at my gym – one of the the trainers that I’m friendly with – and he just sent me a text asking if I wanted to go out for dinner tomorrow night.  So… do you think he’s interested in me?” she asked.

I certainly am, I felt like saying. But my heart sank.  Of course this guy is interested in her, and I told her so.  And there goes my chance, I noted ruefully.

“That’s what I thought,” she said, making a face.  My hopes lifted when I saw her expression.

“Why, would you rather he not be interested in you?” I inquired.

She hesitated.  “I mean, he’s a nice guy, but…”  I just nodded. She didn’t need to say anymore.  That’s the biggest and saddest heap of men ever.  God knows I’ve been shunted into that pile many times, and most likely she’d already placed me there too.  However, I wanted to seize the opportunity and make some kind of move, but I didn’t want to risk it just then.  I have a tendency to blurt a lot of stupid shit without thinking first – something I’ve gotten a better handle on over the years.  So I filed it away for later.

Two weeks later I took the plunge.  I decided to be cheeky and turn the whole thing around on her.

“So… I need a girl’s opinion on something,” I began.

She laughed.  “Okay, shoot.”

“So a couple of weeks ago this pretty girl came up to me and told me she needed a guy’s opinion on something. She wanted to know whether I thought this dude at the gym was hitting on her. I was wondering whether she just wanted my opinion, or whether she was trying to drop a hint that she was single. What do you think?”

“Aha that was very creative of you there,” she said.  “Yeah, I’m single but I’m actually trying to do me right now for a bit.  It’s kind of a long story. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression – totally not my intention. Props to you, though, on your creativity with that.”

Sigh.  Pretty much what I expected to hear.  But at least I tipped her off that I was interested.

We were already Facebook friends at this point, so I started going through some of her pictures and noted that one or two looked awfully familiar.  I’d knew I’d seen her somewhere before, and I was pretty sure I knew where.  So I logged into my ghost OKC account and started looking through all the girls her age near her town.  Sure enough, there she was.  I remembered coming across her profile a long time ago.  I noticed that she hadn’t logged in for a couple of months, so that part about wanting some “me time” appeared to be true.  Nonetheless, I’d imagine that you don’t say things like that to people you might be interested in.

More recently I’ve noticed that’s she active on OKC again.  So I guess her “me” time is over now.  We’re back to small talk during and after dance class, and my last Facebook message to her went read and unanswered.  I would have liked to have asked her out, and I suppose I still could, but this feels like another dead end.  Oh well.

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29 thoughts on “Jiggy

  1. Why not get into the romantic mood? You might do it by
    listening to classic love songs. Today’s music is s–t.
    Listen to songs like: “Sometimes When We Touch,” by Dan Hill.
    “You Are Everything,” and “Betcha By Golly Wow,” by the Stylistics.
    And “Show And Tell,” by Al Wilson.
    Once you listen to these songs, you won’t be so finikey about where
    you obtain sex.

  2. The way I see it, you have two options.

    * Get to know her a bit better, give it a month or so. Show her the funny and intelligent guy we know you are… let her get used to you and then try again – but it would have to be the last time

    * Sit back. Play it cool and wait for her to come to you. Be friendly when you see her but don’t go out of your way to chase her or hang around her. The ball is in her court and if she wants to go out with you then she needs to step up

    Whatever you decide, best of luck.

    • I am getting annoyed by the passive-aggressiveness and dishonesty she is showing you. Why can’t she just cut to the chase and tell you she is either interested or not interested in you. Why isn’t she being direct and answering your Facebook messages?

      • The way I see it, she’s essentially already told me she isn’t interested. Because if she was – or at least thought she was – then she wouldn’t have risked shooting herself in the foot with some “oh I’m just focusing on me right now” nonsense. And my last message to her was inquiring about her job. She asked what I did and I told her, and when I asked what she did she told me she was a speech pathologist. I asked her why she chose that… and she never replied, even though I can see she’s read my message. ::shrug:: Oh well. I’m not going to worry about it. And that too tells me she’s not interested. Because if she was, then she would have continued the conversation.

        • I wished she would have been more honest and told you she was interested in the guy you saw there, since I assume she and him got together. Maybe she can’t answer the why to the speech pathologist question due to a non disclosure agreement.

          • Actually I’d asked her about that guy and she said they’re still friendly, that’s all. And if they had gotten together, then I don’t see why she’d be poking around on OKC. And I’ve never heard of an NDA preventing someone from discussing her career choice…?

  3. Honestly dude just reading your blog is frustrating. No matter what you do or who you talk to it just seems like you never catch a break. I really don’t get it, you have your own home, your own car, you’re in good shape, it shouldn’t be impossible for you to get some female attention and yet…

    Feel free to just ignore this question but is there anything about you that you think could be turning women off? Like, are you tongue tied in social situations? Maybe your kind of a nerdy dweeb (my problem) or maybe you’re just too “nice” or whatever the hell that even means anymore.

    • I suspect nice=boring, and that’s pretty much what girls mean when they say that. Perhaps I’m just kinda boring? Dunno. I can only speculate, and to speculate would be more like fishing for compliments, so I’m not going to do that.

  4. UVM, if you’re being put in the “nice” guy area, there are a couple things you can do to go from “nice” to “good” (which is far better than “bad boy”). Good guys are the guys women want; don’t believe that the bad boy crap lasts for long. It doesn’t, and usually leads to a lot of failed first marriages.

    Learn the power and proper usage of “No.” I mentioned this previously. When we boys learn that we must “stand up for ourselves” it’s often brought with the environment that doesn’t support it. Bullies at school, or in the home and neighborhood. Compounded with girls laughing at us, and we’re bound to feel it’s not worth it.

    It is. And you have to do it right. By right, I mean, learn what you really want. You already know you want a friends with benefits, and not marriage. That’s what you want, then make it clear.

    “I’m not looking for something serious. I want to experience love, physical and emotional. If this is not what you want, then that’s okay; I’ll move on.”

    Put it in your own words. Believe me when I write this, women have felt the same way. They can relate, nearly all of them. They’ll admit often as doing dumb things, making mistakes, and the like.

    Be clear and honest. Vagueness is your enemy. Don’t go in for the kill, as in, “let’s hook up” or some line they’ve heard twelve times that day (which is the average).

    Truth and courage (the confidence to be honest with yourself and others) is the closest thing to love. Everyone human being wants to be loved and to love someone.

    If she rejects you, try again another time, if you feel you should. You might push her away for good, and that eliminates someone who didn’t really want you. No sense getting involved with someone who doesn’t. It does _not_ mean there was something wrong with _you_ as a person. (Most guys believe this, fall into their insecurity, and then turn into a jerk. Women experience it so much, as I overhear as I eavesdrop in crowded places. It’s sick.)

    An anecdote: I didn’t introduce myself to a certain girl for three years (I was living 300+ miles away at the time). I also didn’t notice her for three years, either. When I started to, I decided to be honest; it’s what works best for me in all other places, so why not?

    I tapped her on the shoulder at the event where we see each other once a month, and engaged her in a polite conversation. I was clear and honest about what my intentions at the time were: “I wanted to meet you.”

    Of course, the conversation went on better than that, and I think I’ve made an impression on her. When I see other guys talk to her, she’s often brushing them off, or not really involved in the conversation.

    Honesty works, but it has to be honesty. Not, “I’m going to say this because it sounds honest.” (Won’t work. Not in the long run.)

    You already know what you want and don’t want. Make it clear the next time you make a move. For all you know, you could be what she’s looking for right now. Maybe not later, but now. Because, in love (and lust) now is what matters.

    • Heh… so she says. When I worked as a realtor I had buyers tell me they were taking a break from looking and they were going to wait another six months before getting a house. Next think I know, they turned around and bought a house from another agent a week later. Same with girls. They say one thing, but… Just take my FWB profile, for example. I’ve struck up conversations with several different girls who claimed on their profiles “I’m not really sure what I’m looking for” or “I’m just seeing what’s out there” but when I ask them what’ they’re looking for exactly, they tell me they want a relationship. *smh*

  5. you need to work on your response. don’t ever answer that question again. don’t let yourself be put in the friendzone. next time, tell her the other guy doesn’t matter, you do. or tell her how you would hit on her, then do it, right then. you also waited too long to hit on her. a few weeks? that’s too long.

    i don’t know what dance class you are taking but if you become good, that should help you talk to girls. talk to the girls who are taken, as practice so you can come up with responses faster. they will like the attention & you’ll know what kind of comebacks they like.

  6. I swear. If you lived in my town you would not be single long. I wish I could hook up all the good gals I know with the good guys I know and have them live happily ever after. If I can’t have one, someone else can!

  7. […] the holidays.  Everybody was all for it, and Dancer Chick seemed super-stoked.  Dancer Chick, the cute girl in my class whom I was interested in, but didn’t appear to be interested in retu….  That didn’t mean that I didn’t still have my eye on her, because I did.  And I […]

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