I went on a second date with Nineteen. Nothing big deal, just grabbed some food and caught up on things. Once again, she was just as mature if not more so than some of the other girls I’ve gone out with. And she earned major points when I learned that she doesn’t want kids or pets either. However, neither of us is really looking for anything serious right now. Nor do I think either of us feels any real attraction. But we may still see each other occasionally, as friends.
My FWB profile experiment on OKC isn’t really going anywhere these days, but nor have I been putting much time or effort into it. Several girls have messaged me, mostly of the “is this for real?” and “how come you’re still a virgin?” variety. Curious passersby. There was one girl I was talking to who seemed to have potential, but she disappeared once I suggested meeting.
Some of you have wondered why I didn’t include face pics on my profile. I wrote that I would send face pics to anyone who asked for them, and I obliged a couple of girls who did. But I’m hesitant to put my face on my profile; that may come back to bite me should I later want to go back to looking for a relationship. There’s also the possibility that someone I know will stumble across it. I’ve also mentioned that I’m a virgin, because I figured if I’m going to try the FWB route then they should know what they’re getting into. Yea or Nay on this last part?
The other reason for not including my face is that I’ve actually been using my FWB profile in an attempt to start conversations with girls I’ve messaged before… or even girls I’ve gone on dates with before. I wanted to see how they would respond to a “different” person. Maybe I’d learn more about them and some light would be shed on why things didn’t work out.
Only one responded. The Jokester. She had updated her profile to include a bit about she’s looking for someone to potentially hook up with. Oh? She didn’t seem like the type, and I messaged her and told her so. Her response was:
“Normally I’m not into hooking up, I’ll admit that. Honestly, I want a relationship; I want someone to care for me the way I will care for them, but at the same time, I know I’m better off alone. I won’t lose being my own person in the “we”, and I won’t break anyones heart, or my own. So I actually have been hooking up with someone who is literally moving to the other side of the country in a few months, and I can do what I was meant to do, be a charismatic person on their way to the top. Of the corporate ladder that is…”
Well, this shed an interesting light on things indeed. I strongly suspect she was already hooking up with said guy at the time we went on our date. We continued messaging for two weeks, but then the conversation ended and she took her profile down. Methinks she’s decided to forget OKC and focus on her hookup buddy. Just a theory.
Meanwhile, there have been a couple of other girls I’ve been wondering about. Marine Girl, who canceled last minute with the promise of rescheduling, only to never get back to me. And Bella Dancer, who said she wanted to go on a second date but completely blew me off and ignored me instead. But instead of messaging them from my FWB profile, I decided to make a completely new profile, just like my old one but with different pictures. I used that profile to send them both messages that boiled down to: “Hey… so whatever happened?”
Both girls viewed my profile, so I know they got my messages. However, only Marine Girl responded, and she did so with a lengthy explanation and an apology. She was talking to another guy at the same time she was talking to me, but he asked her out first and she felt even more of a spark with him than with me. So she said she panicked and canceled our date. “I fucked up,” she wrote. “I plain and simple handled the situation poorly. I am usually a very honest and straightforward person – which you have every right not to believe at this point, but for some reason I guess I just figured it would naturally dissolve and I wouldn’t have to address it any further.”
I was very appreciative of her honesty, and it was quite refreshing after all the other girls I’ve dealt with up to this point. Within two messages we were literally writing each other essays – just like we had been doing the first time we talked on the site. We fell back into our old rhythm with such ease that I said to her, “You wouldn’t still be interested in meeting… would you? I feel like there might still be something here worth investigating.” She was hesitant to agree to a date, since she didn’t know if she’d be able to meet without much expectation after all of this. I assured her that we would be fine, because I was fairly confident that we would be.
And we were. We went out for drinks Friday night, and I thought things were going great. She was all smiles and laughter and playing with her hair while she was talking to me, but when I told her I wanted to see her again, her verdict was “just friends.” Surprising. Disappointing. But okay, I can live with that. She was just as witty and charming as I expected she’d be, and I would love to have her on board as a friend.
However, that was not meant to be either. A day after our date, the word came down the pike: “Upon further reflection I don’t think I’d be comfortable pursuing a friendship. We lead very different kinds of lives and I just don’t feel a common ground that could branch into a friendship. All the best.”
Wow. That stung a little. The tone of her message suggested I did something off-putting, but goddamned if I can figure out what that might be.
JBlondie was shocked when I shared this with her. I’d shown her Marine Girl’s profile and she was like, “She’s perfect for you!” I’d thought so too. But apparently not.
Once I landed my first OKC date, it was like I broke the wall and other first dates came easily after that. But now I’m up against another wall and I’m wondering whether it’s my virginity that’s somehow holding me back? Maybe if I wasn’t a virgin, things would have ended differently with some of the girls I went on dates with. Maybe I would have been bolder, more aggressive, more relaxed… something. I don’t know. Even when it comes to finding a FWB, maybe it would be better to not be a virgin first?
If I really wanted to, I suppose I could completely lose my standards and just “get it over with.” Not that I’m seriously considering it, but I’m curious as to your thoughts nonetheless. What do you think about losing your virginity just to lose it?
First dates: 22
Second dates: 3
Third dates: 2
Stood up: 2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences: 0.6