Jiggy

I’ve had my eye on this girl in my dance class for quite some time.  Mostly because she’s the only one who isn’t married, engaged or with a boyfriend, but she was also cute as hell.  A couple of months passed where we’d exchange a few words here and there, but we got to talking after class one day and continued as we walked out into the parking lot together.  Very cool.

The next week she came up to me with a question:

“I need a guy’s opinion on something…” she began.

“Oh?” I prompted.

“So there’s this guy at my gym – one of the the trainers that I’m friendly with – and he just sent me a text asking if I wanted to go out for dinner tomorrow night.  So… do you think he’s interested in me?” she asked.

I certainly am, I felt like saying. But my heart sank.  Of course this guy is interested in her, and I told her so.  And there goes my chance, I noted ruefully.

“That’s what I thought,” she said, making a face.  My hopes lifted when I saw her expression.

“Why, would you rather he not be interested in you?” I inquired.

She hesitated.  “I mean, he’s a nice guy, but…”  I just nodded. She didn’t need to say anymore.  That’s the biggest and saddest heap of men ever.  God knows I’ve been shunted into that pile many times, and most likely she’d already placed me there too.  However, I wanted to seize the opportunity and make some kind of move, but I didn’t want to risk it just then.  I have a tendency to blurt a lot of stupid shit without thinking first – something I’ve gotten a better handle on over the years.  So I filed it away for later.

Two weeks later I took the plunge.  I decided to be cheeky and turn the whole thing around on her.

“So… I need a girl’s opinion on something,” I began.

She laughed.  “Okay, shoot.”

“So a couple of weeks ago this pretty girl came up to me and told me she needed a guy’s opinion on something. She wanted to know whether I thought this dude at the gym was hitting on her. I was wondering whether she just wanted my opinion, or whether she was trying to drop a hint that she was single. What do you think?”

“Aha that was very creative of you there,” she said.  “Yeah, I’m single but I’m actually trying to do me right now for a bit.  It’s kind of a long story. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression – totally not my intention. Props to you, though, on your creativity with that.”

Sigh.  Pretty much what I expected to hear.  But at least I tipped her off that I was interested.

We were already Facebook friends at this point, so I started going through some of her pictures and noted that one or two looked awfully familiar.  I’d knew I’d seen her somewhere before, and I was pretty sure I knew where.  So I logged into my ghost OKC account and started looking through all the girls her age near her town.  Sure enough, there she was.  I remembered coming across her profile a long time ago.  I noticed that she hadn’t logged in for a couple of months, so that part about wanting some “me time” appeared to be true.  Nonetheless, I’d imagine that you don’t say things like that to people you might be interested in.

More recently I’ve noticed that’s she active on OKC again.  So I guess her “me” time is over now.  We’re back to small talk during and after dance class.  I would have liked to have asked her out, and I suppose I still could, but this feels like another dead end.  Oh well.

Currents

I went on a second date with Nineteen.  Nothing big deal, just grabbed some food and caught up on things.  Once again, she was just as mature if not more so than some of the other girls I’ve gone out with.  And she earned major points when I learned that she doesn’t want kids or pets either.  However, neither of us is really looking for anything serious right now.  Nor do I think either of us feels any real attraction.  But we may still see each other occasionally, as friends.

***

I tried putting together an OKC profile where I was looking for FWB, but I wasn’t sure how to word things.  Several girls have messaged me, mostly of the “is this for real?” and “how come you’re still a virgin?” variety.  Curious passersby. There was one girl I was talking to who seemed to have potential, but she disappeared once I suggested meeting.  And funnily enough, I actually talked to The Jokester. She had updated her profile to include a bit about she’s looking for someone to potentially hook up with.  Oh?  She didn’t seem like the type, and I messaged her and told her so.  Her response was:

“Normally I’m not into hooking up, I’ll admit that. Honestly, I want a relationship; I want someone to care for me the way I will care for them, but at the same time, I know I’m better off alone. I won’t lose being my own person in the “we”, and I won’t break anyones heart, or my own. So I actually have been hooking up with someone who is literally moving to the other side of the country in a few months, and I can do what I was meant to do, be a charismatic person on their way to the top. Of the corporate ladder that is…”

Well, this shed an interesting light on things indeed.   I strongly suspect she was already hooking up with said guy at the time we went on our date.  We continued messaging for two weeks, but then the conversation ended and she took her profile down.  Methinks she’s decided to forget OKC and focus on her hookup buddy.  Just a theory.

Meanwhile, I’ve been wondering about Marine Girl. She had canceled last minute with the promise of rescheduling, only to never get back to me.  So I sent her a message (on my regular OKC profile) that boiled down to: “Hey… so whatever happened?”  This time she actually responded, and did so with a lengthy explanation and an apology.

She was talking to another guy at the same time she was talking to me, but he asked her out first and she felt even more of a spark with him than with me.  So she said she panicked and canceled our date.  “I fucked up,” she wrote. “I plain and simple handled the situation poorly. I am usually a very honest and straightforward person – which you have every right not to believe at this point, but for some reason I guess I just figured it would naturally dissolve and I wouldn’t have to address it any further.”

I was very appreciative of her honesty, and it was quite refreshing after all the other girls I’ve dealt with up to this point.  Within two messages we were literally writing each other essays – just like we had been doing the first time we talked on the site.  We fell back into our old rhythm with such ease that I said to her, “You wouldn’t still be interested in meeting… would you?  I feel like there might still be something here worth investigating.” She was hesitant to agree to a date, since she didn’t know if she’d be able to meet without expectation after all of this.  I assured her that we would be fine, because I was fairly confident that we would be.

And we were.  We went out for drinks Friday night, and I thought things were going great.  She was all smiles and laughter and playing with her hair while she was talking to me, but when I told her I wanted to see her again, she kinda laughed and said her verdict was “just as friends.”  Surprising.  Disappointing.  But okay, I can live with that.  She was just as witty and charming as I expected she’d be, and I would love to have her on board as a friend.

However, that was not meant to be either.  A day after our date, the word came down the pike:  “Upon further reflection I don’t think I’d be comfortable pursuing a friendship. We lead very different kinds of lives and I just don’t feel a common ground that could branch into a friendship.  All the best.”Wow.  That stung a little.  The tone of her message suggested I did something off-putting, but goddamned if I can figure out what that might be.

JBlondie was shocked when I shared this with her.  I’d shown her Marine Girl’s profile and she was like, “She’s perfect for you!”  I’d thought so too.  But apparently not.

Once I landed my first OKC date, it was like I broke the wall and other first dates came easily after that.  But now I’m up against another wall and I’m wondering whether it’s my virginity that’s somehow holding me back?  Maybe if I wasn’t a virgin, things would have ended differently with some of the girls I went on dates with.  Maybe I would have been bolder, more aggressive, more relaxed… something. I don’t know.  Even when it comes to finding a FWB, maybe it would be better to not be a virgin first?

If I really wanted to, I suppose I could completely lose my standards and just “get it over with.”  What do you think about losing your virginity just to lose it?  Not that I’m seriously considering it, but I’m curious as to your thoughts nonetheless.

First dates:  22
Second dates:  3
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences:  0.6