For the longest time I’ve been seeking a serious, long-term relationship. But I’ve grown so accustomed to being single and I relish my freedom and independence. Not to mention that I’m so busy with work and extra-curricular activities that a relationship would just suck up my remaining time. So I’m thinking… maybe it would be nice simply to have someone to occasionally do fun things with. And stick my penis into.
In other words, I’m considering looking for a friend with benefits.
Considering my situation this seems like a good starting point. In any case it’s a possibility I’d like to investigate.
These feelings began their distant rumblings several months ago, intensifying when I came across this post by fellow blogger Tarnished Sophia. She has a long-term monogamous FWB, and the more I read about their relationship, the more such an arrangement attracted me. What’s more, she was considering finding a second FWB.
Her lover is the only person she’s ever had sex with. Tarnished has a history of abuse at the hands of her stepfather, so many walls needed to come down first. And after eight years together, her lover thought she was finally ready to take on a second partner. While they’d always been monogamous, they have an open relationship. He was going to be out of the picture for a while, and thought it would be a good idea for her to have someone on hand to help feed her insatiable appetite.
This is where I entered the picture. I half-jokingly left a comment that I might be able to help her out if she were truly looking for “male or female disease-free virgins that don’t want children, marriage, commitment, or to live together…” We exchanged emails for a few weeks, talked on the phone a couple of times, and finally set a date. Even if we didn’t hit it off, she said she could still give me a blowjob so I’d have at least that much experience. That sounded good to me, especially if she was as good at it as she said she was. That alone had always been one of my biggest fantasies, but I’d long ago given up hope of it ever happening to me.
The day came and Tarnished and I finally met. I was quite pleased with her appearance. Assets like whoa. I went in for a handshake but she went in for a hug instead, which surprised me considering how touch-averse she is with strangers. She was also a lot more bubbly and talkative than I was expecting. We spent an hour eating a late breakfast at the diner (her treat) and then walked around town for a while.
“So what do you want to do now?” she finally asked. I chuckled to myself. Oh, you know what I want to do now… I felt like saying.
“I don’t know, that’s as far as I’ve planned,” I responded. She laughed. Then she informed me that she only had a little while left before she had to meet up with her family. Oh. We hadn’t set plans apart from what we’d already done, but I’d assumed I was going to have her to myself for the whole day. My hopes crumbled under me as I looked at my watch and realized there wasn’t really enough time left for sex, especially since we still had yet to address that particular elephant and I didn’t want to do things in a rush. It seemed apparent that this was just going to be the initial “interview” rather than a sex date. So I devoted our remaining time to talking about sex. We drove to the outskirts of town to walk along a popular hiking trail, and it was here that I finally broached the subject (once the coast was clear of children or anybody else – we kept looking over our shoulders to make sure).
“So… I was wondering if you’ve decided whether to take me on as a partner?” Tarnished hemmed and hawed, and started saying things like, “I’m probably not what you’re looking for,” and “I don’t think I could give you what you want” Finally I sussed out the reason for her hesitation, and it turned out she was not really on board with the idea of taking on a second FWB. It was more something that her lover wanted her to do, rather than something she wanted to do.
That settled it for me. I wasn’t going to have her do anything she didn’t really want to do. Had she taken my hand with a sly smile and said “are we going to do this or what?” or “let’s get out of here,” I would have been all-in. But she’s also demisexual, so in any case she’s not attracted to me the way she’d need to be in order for us to do anything sexual past a one-time encounter. She said she could still give me a blowjob if I wanted one, and that it would be really good, but I turned her down. Yes, I turned down a blowjob, heavily aware that another opportunity may never arise. No pun. But I could tell she wasn’t keen on that idea either. (She later told me that my declination was both a major relief and a huge letdown – she’d spent a lot of time pumping herself up mentally to do it.)
To be perfectly honest, at the time I wasn’t 100 percent sure about entering a FWB relationship but was willing to explore the possibility, but I knew that I wanted my first time to be with someone I felt comfortable with and trusted completely. Tarnished fit the bill. She’s amazingly caring and accepting and non-judgmental, and her lover is incredibly lucky to have someone like her in his life. However, we were just not meant to be. But I was grateful for the chance to meet her and we still had a fun time together. And she considers our meeting a date so I will update the counter accordingly.
In other news, I have one last update on Shorty. She would not stop bitching at me, so I finally I composed a lengthy message telling her to get fucked. Those weren’t the words I used – in fact, in contrast to the way she’d been talking to me lately, I used no swear words at all – but that was the jist of it. I detailed exactly what my problems with her were, concluding my essay with “if this is how you act towards people, then maybe that’s why you’re having such a miserable time on the dating scene. Just a thought. So goodbye and good luck to you.”
Within the next hour I received seven missed calls, four voicemails, and two texts. I deleted them all without looking or listening. And that was that. All has been silent ever since, and what a goddamned relief that is…
First dates: 21
Second dates: 2
Third dates: 2
Stood up: 2
First kisses: 1
Sexual experiences: 0.6