Quack

There’s nothing better than still being able to land a date with a 21-year-old.  I’ll call her College Girl, since she was on the verge of starting another semester.  I wasn’t really keen on her, but I figured I’d take the plunge and ask her out.  Who knows?  We might really hit it off in person.

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But alas!  We did not hit it off.  We met at a duck pond near her house to feed the resident web-footed waterfowl. Ever prepared, I brought five pounds of cracked corn.  I stood at the water’s edge spreading the food here and there with grand sweeping gestures, giggling at their silly antics as they waddled to and fro.  Meanwhile, College Girl sat cradling her phone in her hands so she could keep watch on the time.  I did my best to engage her in conversation, but it was clear she wasn’t feeling it.  It didn’t help that I had to keep volunteering information because she hardly asked anything about myself in return.  Finally I told her there was a pizza place across the street, and did she want to come with me.  Basically I gave her an out, and she took it.  We hugged, I thanked her for coming out, nice to meet you and have fun at school, yadda yadda yadda.

Another date in the can.

That was Thursday.  On Saturday, I was meeting the girl I was really interested in.  The Runner, because she was big on marathons and such.  Our destination was the ecology park.  We agreed to meet at 1, but when 12:30 rolled around I realized I was going to be a few minutes late.  I called to tell her, and her phone rang once and went straight to voicemail.  Huh.  Okay.  So I left a message.  I didn’t hear back, but I assumed she got it.  I arrived at the park a few minutes late, just like I said I would.  We hadn’t discussed exactly where we’d meet, but merely 12 hours before we were joking about what we would wear.  She said she would wear something really bright so I would easily see her, and I said I would wear my shirt emblazoned with birds.

I parked myself  on a bench near the entrance and called her again, this time to tell her I was there and to inquire as to her whereabouts.  Once again – one ring, straight to voicemail.  Hmm.  Weird.  I left her another message, and then I waited.  No response.  1:15… 1:20… 1:25… at 1:30 I called her a last time to ask whether she was there or on her way or what.  You guessed it – one ring, straight to voicemail.  Almost as if she were pressing the ‘ignore’ button on her phone whenever I called.  It was clear I was being stood up yet again.  Fuck it – I decided to go ahead and enjoy the park by myself, but I stared unseeing at the animals as I was boiling with anger.

When I got home I logged onto OKC with the intention of sending her a message giving her a piece of my mind, but I was further pissed off to discover she had deleted her profile, when it had still been up a mere three hours earlier.  So I was reduced to sending her a strongly-worded text telling her that if she had any consideration she could have at least called to cancel instead of standing me up, especially after I took the afternoon off from work and made time to see her.  Still no response.  I suppose “The Runner” was an apt nickname for her, because that’s exactly what she ended up doing.

So last week was pretty aggravating to say the least, but things have taken a definite upswing since then.  You’ll have to wait until my next post to read all about it.  Or… my next series of posts, shall we say…

First dates:  12
Second dates:  1
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
Sexual experiences:  0.5

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23 Comments

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23 responses to “Quack

  1. Chin Up, Chest High!

    Women who say that men have it so easy online dating really need to read your blog to see the sheer number of flakes, liars, egomaniacs and attention whores we have to contend with

    • Say what? I’ve never heard anyone profess the idea that “men have it so easy online dating”… what’s their reasoning behind that statement?

      • Chin Up, Chest High!

        The arrogant assumption that women don’t lie, play games, flake out, that they are not on there for free drinks, free meals, the ego boost, to string people along for the power trip.

        Because as we all know, it’s only men who do that 😉

        It’s also based on a misunderstanding because we don’t get the volume of messages that most women cope with on a daily basis. What they forget is that we do most of the approaches and it can be soul destroying to contact 20 people in a week and only hear back from or two.

  2. Lon Spector

    You must be the second most unluckiest man in the world
    after yours truly.
    I’d bet dollars to donauts that you have squares and oppositions
    to your Moon, in your Astrological chart.

  3. xanaxic

    I have never stood a guy up. I was stood up for the first time by someone I was actively dating for several weeks. It sucks. People are nuts in this world. I cannot believe this runner girl. It makes me think all these women are in on it together and someone has it out for you. Bitches.

  4. Agreed with other comments here- I’m shocked at how many times you’ve been stood up. I’ve never been stood up- a few last-minute cancellations, but at least they’ve given me that decency. C’mon people, it’s not that hard to say you’re going to do something and then actually do it.

  5. Do you think the amount of flakes you’ve encountered is purely because you’re using OKCupid – a free site? I assume that women (and men) on paid sites are less likely to flake last minute by virtue of being financially (and by extension, emotionally) invested in finding a partner? I had much less flakes on a paid dating site (Guardian Soulmates) but a similar number of non-responders at the messaging stage, compared to OKCupid. Perhaps it’s because people on paid sites are more serious about relationships but then also pickier? Still I’d rather a non-response at the messaging stage, than taking an afternoon off work and being stood up in a park.

    • I’ve been on the paid sites and quite honestly I didn’t see anyone I hadn’t already seen on OKC, POF, etc. A lot of people post profiles across multiple dating sites. And the problem with the paid sites is that few of the people on there are actually paid members. They have profiles, but because they didn’t buy a subscription they’re unable to send or read messages – hence the number of non-responses.

  6. Ugh. Ok. Confession time. So I stood someone up this weekend. I had gotten busy at work and the guy I’m REALLY interested in asked me out for drinks. I had forgotten about the date I had made previously and that said date hadn’t texted me all day…so I honestly had a blonde moment and forgot. I felt so awful and embarrassed when said date texted me at 11 PM saying I had stood him up :/ The reality is…runner girl probably had multiple dates set up for that weekend and found a guy she liked (probably one she had been on a couple dates with already). And EEK! I’m super excited about these next few posts…I hope that counter goes up!

  7. Absolutely no excuse for standing someone up, none whatsoever. I’m stretched to think of anything more rude than deliberately wasting someone’s time in such a humiliating way. No wonder you were angry. No disrespect intended, but is this a common thing in America? I hear/ see a lot of this on US sitcoms but I’ve never heard of anyone being stood up in London. Like, ever! And I hang out with some serious serial daters!

  8. xanaxic

    I don’t think it is common for men to stand up women. It had never happened to me before this last one… and that was a very weird situation. The last time I attempted dating, I went on a spree. I probably had 200+ dates (some with the same person, obviously) in one year. This year I have dated two guys. Both have been like insta relationships. Both I met online. I am starting to get a little claustrophobic now, but I would never just not show up.

  9. “”There’s nothing better than still being able to land a date with a 21-year-old. I’ll call her College Girl, since she was on the verge of starting another semester. I wasn’t really keen on her, but I figured I’d take the plunge and ask her out. Who knows? We might really hit it off in person.””

    your not into her???

  10. homealone

    I am a guy aged 32 in the same boat and I’m so glad I found this site! All the other sites about being a virgin are so damn depressing and full of hate. Like you I don’t have social anxiety or anything like that and I have a job, my own place etc etc but I just don’t get laid, it’s weird.

    Also I feel I’ve put a lot of effort in for very little reward. But all my effort has been to meet women naturally. I signed up to online dating for a month but the response rate was so low I gave up. I didn’t get one date so I think you’re doing well. Does it get depressing dealing with all these girls saying some variation on “I really like you but I just don’t feel that way”. I kind of assumed that if you got to the stage of really meeting a girl from online dating it would go well, since you know she’s available and she liked you enough to show up. Hearing that you can actually get the dates and get rejected by the hotties in person is not good news for me at all!

    Do you have any idea why it’s like this? Other guys just stumble into long lasting relationships while we spend years searching to no avail? I’m stumped! I think about it every day and have no theory with which to explain it.

    • Honestly, only half of these girls I’ve gone on dates with were really hot. The other half were average. I like to give girls a chance.

      Giving up online dating after only a month is way too soon. You’ve got to give it a little more time than that. I’ve been on there (on and off) for years. There were many steps I had to take to get to where I am now. First I wrote really terrible messages. I improved my messages a little and then I started getting profile views. Then I started getting responses after I improved my profile and worked on my messages some more. Then I started getting dates once I figured out how and when to ask for one (i.e. sooner rather than later). The problem I’m currently facing is that I’ve never had any dating experience until these past few months, so I’m still trying to get my sea legs. Once I resolve that problem, the rest should fall into place.

      Going to others for advice on how to write a good profile and good first messages helped tremendously. If you haven’t done this already, I’d recommend this last point more than anything else, because if you do that you’ll get to the point of going on dates much quicker than I did.

      • I would concentrate on banging the best ones and not think so hard on the LTR. Women deserving of a man’s LT commitment will rise to the top on their own. Shit, bang the ones that are not as hot. You may find their enthusiasm quite enjoyable.

        One thing I noticed is that the hottest girls are often the loneliest because men are afraid of them. The average ones get the most play and are usually not only the biggest sluts but they have the biggest ego’s to overcome.

        As for OKC or any of the other sites, I agree that most are land whales and butt ass ugly. I have a range of women I can be attracted to but come on.

        • The hottest girls are often the loneliest because men are afraid of them? I don’t know about that. I mean, I’m sure there are plenty of men who are too timid to approach, but there are far more vying for her attention.

    • There are arousal triggers in a woman that turn on her gina tingles. When men learn what these are they will find themselves being more successful with banging different women. Some men know instinctively what they are or their personality is naturally arousing to women. To understand this we must realize that attraction does not mean arousal. most of the things we were taught as men that woman look for in us is wrong. One lie is the “just be yourself” that we were told since we were children.

      Have you ever wondered why the cocky asshole gets any woman he wants? Are you surprised when a woman chooses the broke rockbanddrumer to bed instead of the man who makes good money and pays for all of the dates?

      So I would recommend making friends with the guy that scores with women or search out the info for yourself online. Once you let go of the old damaging attitudes and beliefs about women and their arousal triggers you will see results.

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