G-string

Earlier tonight I met a girl and we fiddled with each other in the park. No, that is not sexual innuendo of any kind, but it does remind me of an old Chinese proverb:

Good to meet girl in park.
Better to park meat in girl.

But she was indeed a fellow fiddler, so I suggested bringing our instruments and having a jam session.  (How’s that for a unique first date idea?)  We set up shop on the bleachers near the baseball diamond, but we still managed to attract some listeners despite the fact that we purposely chose a spot away from everyone else.  The black guys from the basketball court came by after they heard the sounds of jigs and reels drifting over.  They took seats around us and one of them even closed his eyes and bobbed his head along to the music.  After ten or fifteen minutes, one of them requested that we bust a move.

“Hey, can either one of you do that Riverdance shit?”

That was my cue.  I signaled to Fiddle Girl to start a new tune, and I displayed my new hornpipe step for the crowd.  They went wild.  “Look at this nigga dance, yo!”  Dollar bills rained down into my violin case.  Wow.  This is the first date I’ve been on where I actually made money as opposed to spending it.  Works for me!

Eventually they went back to their game and we continued our session, interspersed with bits of conversation.  Among the more interesting tidbits of information I learned was that she belongs to a local traditional music organization, so I’m definitely going to check that out.  That’s right up my alley.  But as far as Fiddle Girl is concerned… sorry, I just didn’t find her attractive.  Was not like her pictures at all.

JBlondie, one of my blog followers, suggested placing bets on how high the date counter will climb before I finally swipe my V-card.  So leave your best guesses in the comments below!  Whoever is the closest will win a special prize when the time comes.  Aaaand…. go!

First dates:  14
Second dates:  1
Third dates:  1
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
Sexual experiences:  0.5

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Yakking

I saw Horse Girl for a third time.  She proposed going kayaking in one of her first messages, so I finally took her up on the idea.  We set a date for Monday, and she invited me over to her place.  She lives by herself in a cottage on a large private estate, with access to a private beach and cove.  Now, the fact that she lived by herself and she gave me her address caused my brain to go into overdrive and I knew I was over-thinking this.  Last time she’d said she wanted to develop a friendship first.  No rushing into things.  So she said.

Nonetheless I came prepared for the possibilities.  And I came with my newly-acquired kayak.  Actually, I was more excited about going kayaking than anything else.  While I’ve always been in the water, I’ve never been ON the water.   Never set foot in a boat of any kind – unless you count a ferry here and there.  Whoopty-do.  So I was completely stoked, and she seemed amused by my excitement.

It took me a while to get the hang of it, and I had a fucking blast.  I was like a little kid having his first ice cream cone.  Definitely the most fun I’ve had in a long time, and I told her so.  I was hoping we could make a day out of it, but she told me she was hanging out with someone else later on. I knew what that meant – another guy from OKC.  And there went my plans and hopes for the rest of the day.  So I proposed another outing for the following week, but she sounded very non-committal.  Needless to say, I left there feeling a bit disappointed.  Still, I’ve seen her more times than anyone else so far.  I feel very comfortable with her, but I don’t feel any real spark yet.  So we’ll see.

When I got home I logged into OKC and found a new message from this girl I’ve been talking to.  History Girl.  She’s studying ancient history and recently traveled all over Europe.  So I’d asked her about her travels and she was like, “I did so much, I hardly even know where to begin!”

I sensed an opportunity, so I wrote back:  “I would love to hear all about your travels.  Let’s grab some drinks and you can tell me all about them.  I haven’t traveled much myself, so it’s always a treat for me to listen to stories of where others have been.”

History Girl:  “Yeah we can definitely grab a drink, that sounds like fun.  Let me know when you’re free.”

Me:  “Well, come to think of it I’m actually free later tonight, although that’s probably a bit short notice?”

HG:  “Not at all!  Around when were you thinking?”

So we met at 8 at the Starbucks in her town.  Right off the bat I could tell she wasn’t interested in me.  She just gave off this weird vibe.  I don’t think she found me physically attractive, so she proceeded to go through our date with the air of someone wanting to get things over with quickly.  The original plan was to sit by the water and chat, but instead we were practically power-walking around town.  I felt like asking whether she was in a rush to be someplace else.

Our messages back and forth were light and easy, but our conversation in person was anything but. She hardly asked anything about myself, and whenever I asked her a question about anything I’d get a one-sentence reply.

Me:  “So – tell me about some of your travels?”

HG:  “Well… I just came back from Spain.”

Me:  “Yeah?  What did you do there?”

HG:  “I was working there for two months.”

Me:  “Cool.  What kind of work?”

HG:  “I was an archivist.”

And so on.  It was like pulling teeth.  A far cry from the boatloads of travel stories she said she had.  Clearly she wasn’t interested in sharing any, so I ended up doing most of the talking.  Which probably just irritated her more, because she kept responding with “uh-huh” and “okay” and “yeah.”  Finally I decided I’d had enough. When she pulled out her phone to text for the third time, I called it a night.

“Yeah, I’m actually meeting my roommate and her friend for dinner, so I have to go anyway.”

“Okay, well have fun,” I told her.  We parted ways and that was that.  A supreme waste of time, but at least it was only a half-hour.  But I’m glad I took the chance, because you never know.

First dates:  13
Second dates:  1
Third dates:  1
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
Sexual experiences:  0.5

Quack

There’s nothing better than still being able to land a date with a 21-year-old.  I’ll call her College Girl, since she was on the verge of starting another semester.  I wasn’t really keen on her, but I figured I’d take the plunge and ask her out.  Who knows?  We might really hit it off in person.

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But alas!  We did not hit it off.  We met at a duck pond near her house to feed the resident web-footed waterfowl. Ever prepared, I brought five pounds of cracked corn.  I stood at the water’s edge spreading the food here and there with grand sweeping gestures, giggling at their silly antics as they waddled to and fro.  Meanwhile, College Girl sat cradling her phone in her hands so she could keep watch on the time.  I did my best to engage her in conversation, but it was clear she wasn’t feeling it.  It didn’t help that I had to keep volunteering information because she hardly asked anything about myself in return.  Finally I told her there was a pizza place across the street, and did she want to come with me.  Basically I gave her an out, and she took it.  We hugged, I thanked her for coming out, nice to meet you and have fun at school, yadda yadda yadda.

Another date in the can.

That was Thursday.  On Saturday, I was meeting the girl I was really interested in.  The Runner, because she was big on marathons and such.  Our destination was the ecology park.  We agreed to meet at 1, but when 12:30 rolled around I realized I was going to be a few minutes late.  I called to tell her, and her phone rang once and went straight to voicemail.  Huh.  Okay.  So I left a message.  I didn’t hear back, but I assumed she got it.  I arrived at the park a few minutes late, just like I said I would.  We hadn’t discussed exactly where we’d meet, but merely 12 hours before we were joking about what we would wear.  She said she would wear something really bright so I would easily see her, and I said I would wear my shirt emblazoned with birds.

I parked myself  on a bench near the entrance and called her again, this time to tell her I was there and to inquire as to her whereabouts.  Once again – one ring, straight to voicemail.  Hmm.  Weird.  I left her another message, and then I waited.  No response.  1:15… 1:20… 1:25… at 1:30 I called her a last time to ask whether she was there or on her way or what.  You guessed it – one ring, straight to voicemail.  Almost as if she were pressing the ‘ignore’ button on her phone whenever I called.  It was clear I was being stood up yet again.  Fuck it – I decided to go ahead and enjoy the park by myself, but I stared unseeing at the animals as I was boiling with anger.

When I got home I logged onto OKC with the intention of sending her a message giving her a piece of my mind, but I was further pissed off to discover she had deleted her profile, when it had still been up a mere three hours earlier.  So I was reduced to sending her a strongly-worded text telling her that if she had any consideration she could have at least called to cancel instead of standing me up, especially after I took the afternoon off from work and made time to see her.  Still no response.  I suppose “The Runner” was an apt nickname for her, because that’s exactly what she ended up doing.

So last week was pretty aggravating to say the least, but things have taken a definite upswing since then.  You’ll have to wait until my next post to read all about it.  Or… my next series of posts, shall we say…

First dates:  12
Second dates:  1
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  2
Sexual experiences:  0.5

Kids

I couldn’t believe my luck.  She looked even better than her pictures and was by far the hottest girl I’d ever gone on a date with.  I was even more amazed that she actually seemed into me.  And she was so nice.

Things were going swimmingly until about halfway into the date.  Then my mouth got in the way.  I mentioned that I was one of six kids, and her eyes nearly popped out of her head.

“Six kids??  Wow.  Are there any grandkids?”

“Just two,” I said.  “And it looks like that’s going to be about it.  Nobody else seems to want kids.”

Her eyebrows went up. “But you do, right?”

Uh oh.  Shit.  Well, might as well get it out of the way, and I already knew how it was going to end.

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“Actually I don’t,” I stated.  Unfortunately, she did.  Like three or four.  Ugh.  I guess it’s better to be let down now as opposed to later.  And there was a subtle change in the atmosphere after that admission.  By the end of the date I knew she’d lost interest in me.  Especially since she was the one to call it a night.  I’ve yet to have a girl end a date and then follow-up with, “I’d like to see you again.”

I walked her to her car, and on the way I came right out and said it:  “I guess you wouldn’t be interested in seeing me again, then?”  Nope.  She said she didn’t think there was any connection.  Personally, I don’t believe that’s necessarily something you can tell right away.  Nonetheless, I admitted that we seem to be looking for different things.  She wants kids and I don’t, and if that’s something that’s really important to her then I wouldn’t want to waste her time. She agreed and we parted ways very amicably.  She thanked me for a nice time and told me I was a great guy and wished me luck.  I wished her the same and we hugged each other good night before parting ways.

Afterwards I started thinking…  During our conversation about kids she mentioned that she had a friend who doesn’t want kids either, which consequently made it hard for her to meet guys.

Huh?

That does not compute.  A girl who doesn’t want kids?  Most guys would be all over that.  There should be a waiting list to date her.  I seriously can’t remember the last time I heard a guy express a genuine desire for children.  Maybe I’m just being overly cynical, but I feel like many guys who say they want kids… say so because they know girls want guys who want kids.  Like Dave Chappelle said, “If a man could fuck a woman inside a cardboard box, he wouldn’t buy a house.”

In any case, this friend of hers sounded right up my alley… but did I dare ask?  Two days later I took the plunge.  I messaged Hot Girl and said, “Hey, I was just thinking – your friend who has a hard time meeting guys because she doesn’t want kids?  Maybe you could introduce us if she’s interested?”  I had nothing to lose by asking, so why the hell not?  I wasn’t sure whether she’d respond positively (or even at all), but she surprised me by saying that she would talk to her friend and see.  Wow.  Now I’m glad I asked.  Nothing may come of it, but see what happens when you take chances?

***

Last Thursday I’d set a date with Wine Girl (she works at a winery).  I picked a frozen yogurt and smoothie place in her town and we were good to go.  Then the text came with three hours to go:

“hey! I’m soo sorry but can we reschedule? It’s my moms bday and my sister planned a dinner for all of us she just told me about…”

Smells like bullshit to me.  Why would you set a date on your mother’s birthday?  I asked her precisely that question.  Well, she thought her dad would be taking her mother out.  Right, and you didn’t figure on spending anytime with her yourself?  But whatever.  I decided to call her bluff and I asked when she wanted to reschedule for.  As expected, no response.  Looks like I dodged another bullet.

***

As I said in my last post, I’d been running out of steam and wanted to take a break from OKC to regroup.  Instead I decided to change my approach.  More straightforward, more to-the-point, and more snark.  So far it seems to be working a little better.  Between now and Sunday I have three more dates (unless someone else cancels last-minute).  Saturday’s girl is the one I’m most interested in, but we’ll see how the others go.  Wish me luck!

First dates:  11
Second dates:  1
Cancellations:  3
Stood up:  1
Sexual experiences:  0.5