“I want to show you my pussy…” PYT whispered to me.  I was so startled I nearly whacked myself in the head with the phone.  We’d spent the first two weeks talking and getting to know each other.  Once that stage was out of the way, we spent the next two weeks telling each other all the dirty things we wanted to do to each other.  She started sending me pictures of herself in various states of undress.  Thong a t-shirt.  Thong and a bra.  Thong and nothing else.

Finally we moved things to the phone, and I was greatly relieved to hear that she was a real live breathing girl, and not some balding 40yo fat-assed dude sitting in a front of his computer in his bathrobe jacking off on his keyboard.  And now she wanted to show me more.  Go for it, I said.

She did.  It was absolutely beautiful.  Rabbits held hands and danced in a circle in front of it. A unicorn looked out of it, winking as if to beckon me inside.

This seemed too good to be true.

It was.

The cracks didn’t take long to form.  For starters, she was a feminist.  Which in itself is not a problem, but she was one of *those* feminists.  Certain trigger words would set her off.  Like “friend zone.”  It never occurred to me that the phrase could be a problem for anyone, but it certainly was for her.  I asked her why and she lost her shit – just by me asking the question.  She was completely disgusted: “If you seriously don’t understand what’s wrong with it, then stop talking to me right now because I’m not dealing with any of that misogynistic bullshit.”

What the hell.

“You know, I’m able to have a conversation about things without losing my cool,” I told her.  “I’m starting to feel like I have to walk around eggshells around you, because I can only wonder what other trigger words might set you off.  I was only asking you to explain your point of view.  There’s no reason to bite my head off.”  Especially over something as silly as this, I thought to myself.  However, that only aggravated her further.

Another one of her pet peeves was “gender-biased remarks,” but then she’d turn around say things like, “men are assholes.”  Well, isn’t that a gender-biased remark?  I decided to ask her about it, and that was a mistake too.  Then she brought up the time I’d expressed my preference for women without tattoos (which she didn’t have) adding that she almost didn’t want to talk to me anymore after that.  Good grief.  For the record, I don’t care for men or women with tattoos, but nor do I feel like I should have to qualify everything I say.

She was quickly proving to be insufferable in conversation.  After years of dealing with my father, I need to be with someone with whom I can be myself without having to watch myself.  The more PYT and I talked, the more I started realizing what a hair-trigger temper she had.  No bueno.  And she hadn’t even heard any of my jokes yet!  Those would have really landed me in deep shit.  And the only thing feminists hate more than a sexist joke is having it explained to them by a man.

But as much as a deal-breaker as that was, there was an even bigger one that did me in.  I told her I wanted to meet her, and she told me it would be really hard to arrange because her parents were really controlling.

“Well, what are you doing on the site then?  You knew this was going to be an issue – didn’t you have any kind of plan on how to meet if you came across someone you really liked?”

“No.  I actually didn’t expect to meet anyone I really liked on here.  You were the only decent guy I talked to, but now I don’t even know what to think of you after this conversation… besides, I’ve met girls off here [she’s bisexual] and my parents didn’t think anything of it.  It’s only guys they have a problem with,” she explained.

That alone I thought was ridiculous, and kind of a dealbreaker for me.  I’d have a hard time dealing with someone who lets Mommy and Daddy tell her what do.  There comes a point when you really need to start asserting yourself as an adult.

Finally I told her I was ending things.  “We can’t have calm rational discussions, we can’t meet, and I need someone with a little more independence.”  To top things off, I learned that not only was she going away for two months, but there was a good chance she’d be going away permanently by the end of the year.  I said there doesn’t seem to be any potential here, which really steamed her clams.

And that’s how it ended.  She deleted her OKC profile shortly afterwards.  I feel bad for any guy that tries to talk to her when she’s 30, because she has such a crappy attitude towards men already and that’s certainly not going to improve with age.

In other news, I reached out to Golf Girl again.  She responded with, “I had a fun time, but I’m sorry, I’m not interested.”  I was expecting this, but I was still really surprised considering that I thought we had gotten on so well.  And with that I was back to zero.  Nothing left to do but to get back on OKC and start sending out more messages.  I have nine messages in my inbox that need replies.  I’m also working on lining up three more dates for this coming week.  One of them is with The Talker.  This will be my first second date – ought to be interesting!  Any tips will be greatly appreciated.

34 thoughts on “PYT

  1. I lived with my parents until I was 21 and still attending college. The entire time I was there, I followed the rules and always let them know what I was doing. They were paying for me to live so I was going to do what they said.

  2. You can really pick ’em! And if she’s happy to live at home as an adult and still be told what to do by her parents, then she’s not mature enough to date anyone! As soon as I heard the first warning sign on the phone (her ‘trigger words’) I would have politely ended the conversation. You shouldn’t be fighting before you’ve even met her! But it does make for interesting reading 🙂 Nobody can say you have a boring ‘love life’, virginity notwithstanding, on the contrary, it’s pretty exciting! Now, you just need to meet that one special girl….

  3. The phrase for people who lead you on by showing sexy photos of their various bits but then who refuse to meet and get all uptight is ‘prick-tease’. Better off out of that one. She sounds like a proper nutter. I was married at 22 so sorry but it just isn’t that young, you know what you’re doing.

  4. Oh dear dude, I really feel for you but part of me saw something like this coming. She was all too willing for the dirty talk before you met which for me in itself would have been a red flag.

    This girl has issues and in future remember the mantra “if it seems too good to be true it probably is”

  5. Whoa. I’d have backed away from this one as soon as I learned she thought “friendzone” was triggering.

    For one thing, triggers *can* be words, but usually in the context of reading a story about something similar to what you went through or a phrase that was used by your abuser. More often it’s something different, like you’re at a hotel and all of a sudden someone walks by wearing the same cologne your rapist was wearing, or you get a panic attack while walking in the section of the city at the same time of day you got mugged previously. I just found out recently that sharing a shower with my FwB, who I love and would die for, is *still* too triggering due to what my stepfather would do to me. Triggers are by and large unexpected, which is why they are so difficult to deal with…sometimes you don’t know a trigger until it happens. I wanted to have a shower with my lover…I initiated it…I know that he absolutely would do nothing to hurt or humiliate me…heck, we weren’t even in a bdsm scene, it was just vanilla lovemaking…and as soon as he started washing me, something in my head snapped and I “went away”. That is a trigger. I highly doubt that the word “friendzone” is an actual trigger for this girl, and am a little offended that she’s using the term so Godsdamned causally.

    Sorry, but she’s also a cock tease. *I* don’t use that word lightly, becausemy stepfather tried for years to convince me I was one just for having a body. But yeah, if she knew that she wasn’t going to be able to meet you, and she was moving soon, it makes me wonder why she talked dirty on the phone and sent you those pictures. I’m a very sex positive type of person. I send sexy pictures to my FwB all the time, and I love it when he sends dick pics to me. (I for one think that my pussy is very lovely, and I look at it a few times a week, especially when I shave it. Loving one’s body means loving *all* of it.) If this spices up someone’s relationship, I am all for it and heartily approve! But this girl was just (in my opinion) trying to exert sexual power over you.

    And yes, I realize she is over 18 and is a woman in the eyes of the law/society. But her actions and words are that of a girl, so until she matures and gets her head removed from her posterior, she is not an adult to me.

    I mean, seriously? You ask her to clarify her position, or at least explain why she thinks X, Y, and Z…but she bursts forth with “I shouldn’t have to tell you” and “if I have to explain, you’re a misogynist”? Wtf man, you really know how to pick them. Oh, and I absolutely love the fact she doesn’t think saying that all men are assholes is, y’know, gender/sex biased terminology. I know that not all feminists are like that, but it’s one of the reasons I call myself egalitarian. That, and I don’t agree with the idea of “Patriarchy” or that only women have been oppressed/are still incredibly downtrodden in the US and Canada. There’s two sides to every coin.

    Anyway, I’m sorry that you “met” such a bitchy girl this time. I hope that your dates start to pick up. Btw, I made a okc profile just for the hell of it. It doesn’t have a picture yet (I’m really white and look dead in photos, so I don’t have many) but if you want to know my name, just email me. I know you’re looking for a relationship and I’m not, but maybe we could still hang out when you visit my area.

    • Her problem with “friend zone” was thus: “You don’t see anything problematic about a guy feeling so entitled to sex just because he was ‘nice’ or ‘friendly’ to a girl a few times? You don’t think it’s problematic that guys will fake whole friendships just for sex? Then making up a shitty term to try and shame women for not having sex with them?”

      I was just like, “whoa whoa whoa… that’s not what I understand it to mean…” To me, it just means a girl only wants to be friends with you but doesn’t see you as boyfriend material. Absolutely nothing to do with feeling entitled to sex because I’m a nice guy or anything like that.

      No matter. She just said that “there is no other meaning. There’s just one shitty meaning and that’s it!”

      • Wow, um…no?

        Yes, it *is* completely shitty to pretend to be friends with someone just to try any get sex. Yes, it is stupid to believe that you’re entitled to sex because you do nice things. (After all, does a hetero man expect sex when he does something nice for a male friend? No? Then don’t expect it from a female friend. Duh.)

        The problem with this word is that it’s been used by so many people, feminists and pickup artists included, that there doesn’t seem to be a standard definition. I tend to think of it the same way you do, but I know people who go with her definition.

        It’s all dumb anyway. Men and women should just do theirs best to communicate what they desire from a relationship/friendship and go separate ways if there’s too big a gap in individual wants/needs. Easier said than done, I know…

  6. Lawd…
    There’s so much wrong here, for starters if she was a true feminist, she wouldn’t be living at home at 21. Where’s her independence?!?!

    On other note, I left my parents home at 16, I didn’t want to follow their rules, my dad was away on business a lot and drunk when he was home and my mom is a bipolar manic depressant that self medicated with booze. Talk about fun!

    In any case, I think meeting new females is what you need, like all over the spectrum.

    Miss Right will come along and things will just work 🙂

    • @vixenincognola

      I don’t want this to sound like I’m shaming people who live with their parents, because I totally understand not having a decent paying job, but yeah…gonna have to agree with you here. It doesn’t seem like PYT is up a financial creek without a paddle and is only living at home because it’s either that or the streets. It sounds more like she’s fine with being treated like a child, curfew and all, in exchange for not paying rent. Very independent, I must say.

      I also moved out of my parents home when I was young. I was a few months sort of my 18th birthday, and just couldn’t take being afraid anymore. As soon as I had a deposit saved up from my job for an apartment and I had prepaid my first semester of college, I was g-o-n-e, gone! Never looked back, even when things became tight in my second year of college due to a FAFSA screwup.

      Living at home due to severe financial difficulties, to help a parent, or to use it as an opportunity to save up for a house/apartment? Good!

      Living at home because you can’t be bothered to pay rent or don’t want to work like the other 90% of society? Lame.

  7. People who go off the deep end like that are too be avoided, who wants life turning into one big fight?
    Hopefully one of the nine messages in your inbox will lead to something keep us updated and good luck.

  8. She sounds like an absolute cock tease for her own benefit. No i dont think she is off her head. She sees how far she can take a person and hey dont we all at some point ? she just does it a little differently. I know when she meets the right person and takes them seriously she wont be pulling this kind of shit. I wouldnt say it’s a game either for her… I am not sticking up for her either i am just sitting on the outside looking into YOUR words. I would define her whole routine with you as a power play, especially because she sent you pics, she wants a reaction from you.

    I am glad you ditched the idea of her though, it would have ended in heart ache for you, that is a promise.

    Still holding thumbs for your second date 😀

  9. She is quite the extreme feminist. She seems very volatile and could combust into crayyyzayy extreme feminist fury 😛 Stay away from her, far far away. Farther than Tatooine from Hoth. She is a raging extremist, nothing more nothing less.

  10. […] protesting and holding up placards for “Womyn’s Rights.” Oh, hell no. Not another feminist. I’m not going down that road again. So between that and her sudden attitude, I told her I was going to pass on the date. She replied […]

  11. […] That was actually one of the problems I had with my ex.  She was a strong and outspoken girl, which was one of the things I liked about her (and one of the things I admire about my mother).  But her mother would berate and talk down to her – right in front of me, even – and my ex would just sit there and take it.  It aggravated me to no end.  Yes, I judged her pretty harshly for that.  No, I had no idea what her home life was like when I wasn’t there.  Nor did I ever say anything to her about what I thought of the situation.  But after what I went through with Dad, it was such a sore point for me to watch someone let her mother walk all over her without a word of protest.  And stuff like that continues to bother me to this day, as evident by my disagreement with PYT. […]

  12. Lol what? I seriously don’t even understand my own gender anymore. Like I’m super curious to know what’s so offensive about the term friend zone. And that 21 year old who can’t go out? Like does she not have friends and only goes out with her parents? So weird.

  13. So I’ve gone back to re-read all your older posts before I check out your new blog, but I just had to mention that “steamed her clams” might be my new favourite phrase.

  14. […] I remember one girl on OkCupid getting on my case for saying “gender-biased” or “gender-specific” things and flipping out when I used the term “friend zone.”  She also groused at me for not answering enough feminist-related match questions.  Then she wanted to do weird things like paint my fingernails.  Um, no thanks.  And before you ask, she was a real person. […]

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