Over the weekend I had a semi-date with a girl I’ve been crushing on for a long time.  She’s recently single and I made a move.  This was my chance at last. I asked if she’d like to get together and grab some food and sit and chat.  We’d been Facebook friends for a long time, and while we talked a lot and knew a lot of the same people our paths had somehow never crossed.  So I was a nervous wreck to be meeting her properly for the first time.  All last week I was dropping stuff, knocking things over, running to the bathroom to pee 20 times a day… feeling heart flutters, stomach flip-flops, and shortness of breath… She was the first girl in a long time that seriously interested me, and someone I could actually see myself with.

The big day finally arrived and I did absolutely everything I could to get ready.  I got a haircut and even bought a new pair of pants just for the occasion.  I met her at the local diner and when she walked through the door I was just – wow. I was quite taken with her.  We slid into a booth and I could have sat there all night just drinking in her image.  I barely took my eyes off of her.

Things started out well, but as the evening progressed I just got more and more tongue-tied.  That was the effect she was having on me.  I didn’t make any serious blunders and I avoided putting my foot in my mouth, but overall I felt like I didn’t make a very good first impression.  

After almost an hour-and-a-half we hugged and parted ways, and I said “maybe we should get together again sometime down the road…” She responded with a “yeah, maybe” but didn’t sound very enthusiastic.  And with that I went home with a heavy heart.  I felt like I just blew a very important job interview.  Ugh.  And now that she’s no longer sitting in front me, I can think of hundred things I could have said, could have asked about, should have said instead…as always, I think of the best responses hours or days later. FML. 

So that was that.  I’d like to give it another chance.  Maybe I’ll ask her if she wants to get together again.  A while back I’d clued her into a cool local nature spot (we’re both into that kind of stuff), and once the weather gets a little warmer I’ll drop her a line and see if she wants to come along with me to check it out.  I didn’t get any sense when I met her that she was interested in me like I was interested in her, but we’ll see.  In any case, right now it looks like I can probably cross her off my list.

Unfortunately, there’s nobody else on my list right now.  Not only have I not received any new messages on OKC, but nobody’s even visited my profile lately.  I logged in for the first time in almost two weeks and there wasn’t a single notification waiting for me.  I’m wondering if I should revert to a previous version of my profile, because what I have now doesn’t seem to be working this time around.

I’m already involved in various groups/organizations/activities.  Most of the girls I meet there are already in relationships, engaged, or married.  The few that are available are either not appealing or not interested.  I’m not sure what else I can do right now to meet new people.  I can’t fill up my social calendar any more than it already is – I’m already out and about 4-5 nights a week, and now that my job is picking up I’m going to be working like gangbusters from now through December.  

30 is starting to loom uncomfortably on the horizon.  I don’t have a deadline for being in a relationship (and consequently losing my virginity), but I really don’t want to have spent the entirety of my twenties being single with a total of only one or two dates to show for it.  I follow blogs by my peers and I read all about the dates they’re going on and the great sex they’re having and all the fun things they’re doing with their significant others, and it makes me sad.  This is time of my life that I want to be experiencing these things, and I feel like I’m really missing out.

I hate when people say things to me like, “Oh, don’t worry, so-and-so didn’t find someone until he was almost 50.”


Um, yeah, that doesn’t cheer me one bit.

First dates:  2
Second dates:  0

32 thoughts on “Crush

  1. Perhaps you should be more forward with your intentions. Why wait so long to ask her out again? You should have set up a second date on the stop, before you left the first date. If she’s not in to you, waiting a few weeks won’t change that! Try being a little more to-the-point if you have interest. Women like guys who take initiative.

    Also, in order to gain interest in your online profiles, you need to be active, update pictures and change wording. Every time you do the algorithm pushes your profile to the top. If I notice a guy hasn’t been on for a few weeks, I assume he’s found someone and just forgot to deactivate his profile…

    Just some food for thought.

    • I’m with PP… Be more forthcoming
      A gal likes a guy who knows what he wants. Just don’t be an arrogant douche! Ha

  2. If you paid for her, it was a date. I think it was a date in all things considering because you asked her out and then you two met up at a place, and then I’m assuming you paid or you two went dutch.

    Maybe OKCupid isn’t the best site to be using. I need to catch up on your blog, but are you on Match or eHarmony?

  3. Dude, I don’t know what to say other than that I empathise – I was in your situation when I moved out and got my own digs. Beating yourself up is pretty normal for a bloke after a date… I did it a couple of times but the more you go on, the easier it gets. Practice makes perfect.

    I know it’s hard not to get attached – hell I have done it myself often enough and if I ever meet Ubergeek again I *know* I will be a bag of nerves. When you get attached you build it up in your mind what things might be like and you worry about putting a foot wrong. I doubt it is anything you did – tongue tied or not, it’s possible she just wasn’t feeling it.

    Get on OKCupid and start messaging people again – just go for it. Send a message and forget about them because that’s the best way to deal with it. In fact, use POF too. Yes, I know it is a meat market but I met some really cool people on there. It’s great for sheer volume which means there will be more people to choose from and therefore, more people who will be your type too. Make yourself contact two people every day until you get a hit. It gets better, you will learn to brush it aside and move on to the next one.

    Make no mistake, you will get disheartened and you will meet some crazies… but it’s worth it in the long run you just have to keep plugging away.

  4. As a woman, I’m definitely on the ‘easier’ side of this equation, but just wanted to send my empathy. Maybe you’ll meet someone through the blog!

  5. Yep, I know what you mean about missing out on all those fun things-but I always remember that things are likely not quite as perfect as people portray via the net (or in person actually…) still doesn’t make up for the lack but it helps a little bit. And I really hate that met-the-love-of-their-life-at-50 stuff, I want it right now or soonish at least-whilst I’m young enough to enjoy every single bit of it thanks.

      • If it’s just about sex, then make it just about sex.
        I know that sounds blunt and blah, I’m just saying if the “relationship search” isn’t going well and the goal is sex then maybe you need to begin the “vagina search”.

        My ex-husband and I were friends before we ever ever ever (or I ever) saw him as a sexual mate and Lopez… Well he was a “fuck buddy” before he and I admitted it had grown into more.

        So I’m just saying maybe searching for the “need” will bring on the whole package.

      • I have some friends from NYC coming down to Nola in a few weeks, you should come! Certain to get you laid!

  6. I’ll help with the OkC profile if you want. I deleted mine (again) because I couldn’t deal with the guys that were taking me out on dates. You may get sick of all the stories I post about all my dates and sex, but I have excluded some endings and a few recent dates that have just sucked. The past couple guys I have met tell me how much they like me and have all these great ideas of what we can do, we make plans again, I’ll finally sleep with em, and BAM. never to hear from them again.

    But anyways, ask her out in a few days, not WEEKS. plus, you’ll be wondering about it longer if she does or doesn’t want to which may drive you nuts!

  7. You’ve got to log on to OKC more than once in a blue moon if you want visitors and/or responses. I’m pretty sure they have some algorithms on there that put the more active profiles in front of people the most. I mean think about it – if you were OKC, trying to get people together — would you want to be advertising the guy who only logs on once every two months and who therefore won’t reply to a girl’s message in two months? Even if you only get on there to check if you have messages, you’re going to notice more activity. Use the app and try the “locals” feature. I noticed myself that I get a crap ton more activity when I use the site more.

    • I’ve been on the site fairly often lately, actually. A while back I figured out all the tricks to drive more traffic to my profile – publicizing/explaining match answers, profile edits, etc. and then I figured out the peak times on the site and timed my activity accordingly. This is what I was doing months ago and I still got lots of visitors and messages, even if I hadn’t logged in a few days.

      • Well, poo. I actually like the locals part of the app because it shows people who are genuinely nearby. It kind of replaces the quickmatch feature I guess. Just more advanced. To be honest, however, I’ve not met many people from OKC since I’ve moved. Maybe one, and that turned out to be a dud. Seems to be more like a dead end lately.

  8. Hi, I just found your blog. I seem to be the female version of you and I can totally relate to everything you’re saying! I just started a blog myself. Here’s the link in case it interests you.

    I read your newest post and it sounds like you may not be that interested in this girl now anyway, but I wanted to share my perspective. I too have responded somewhat unenthusiastically when guys have suggested a date, but it’s not always because I’m not interested. Sometimes, yes, but other times, it’s due to my fear of seeming like that girl in the “overly attached girlfriend” meme. Sometimes I worry I’ll turn him off by appearing too eager (desperate), so I try to act a little more casual about it. (This is probably a fear/behavior I need to work on.) And other times, I’m just not sure if I’m into the guy or not but am open to the possibility. There’s no way to know what she’s thinking so don’t assume the worst. She could be undecided or just a little insecure.

  9. […] Crush sat across from me fiddling with her cup and saucer. Not only did we end up back at the same place, but we managed to land in the same booth. The only difference was that this time the tables had literally turned. We sat on opposite sides from last time, and now I was calm and collected while she was the nervous and fidgety one. […]

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