That could very well be the title of my forthcoming book. Yes, I’m actually thinking of rewriting and publishing my blog in book form, with additional backstory, details and never-before-seen chapters. If anyone is potentially interested in this, let me know. But at the rate I’m going, I’m going to have to call it 200 First Dates.
I met this one at a local burger bar – one I’d been wanting to try for some time. She turned out to be even more attractive in person. Hell yeah. I joked that she obviously got the memo, as we were both clad in blue jeans and black T-shirts. That was pretty funny. I was feeling very confident and comfortable with her, and conversation was remarkably easy. It didn’t lag or drag, and we had so much to talk about.
In fact, it went so well that we were there for three hours. That ended up being a problem, as I had double booked that day. I’d done that in the past without incident, because one would always cancel on me. Well, my first date was running long and the second one hadn’t canceled yet, so I did a shitty thing. I excused myself and texted the other girl from the bathroom that something had come up and could we reschedule? I got a “sure” in response, and I headed back to the table. Crisis averted.
I was hoping to continue onto drinks or dessert afterwards, but she wasn’t feeling up to it. She’d recently had neck surgery and was dealing with on-and-off headaches ever since. So that was a wrap on the night. She gave me a hug goodbye, and then came in for a second one. I could have – and should have – gone for the kiss, but I didn’t. I kicked myself for that afterwards, especially as that had been one of the best dates I’d been on in a long time.
She agreed that she had a great time, and I asked if I could see her again either Sunday or Tuesday. We settled on Tuesday, but Tuesday came and she cancelled on me, citing continuing side effects from the surgery. She sounded sincere in her regret, although I noticed that our texts were starting to drop off. I asked her out again a few days later, saying I’d like to see her if she was up for it, and then I got one of those “I’m not ready to date right now, sorry I didn’t realize it sooner” texts. I would’ve believed that had I not noticed her Bumble profile updates and new photos around the same time.
Funnily enough, I got that text while I was on a date with the girl I’d canceled on. She was put off by my abrupt cancellation and lack of apology, so it almost didn’t happen. Oops. My bad. I promised to make up for it, and she said she was still open to meeting. We went back to the original plan a few days later, and she was sitting by herself at the bar when I arrived. The place was nearly empty since it was a weeknight.
Thank god for that, as I detest noisy bars. It made conversation easier, although I felt like I was talking a bit too much. I couldn’t help it. She was there on the date, but not really engaging. It was more like she was sitting back and observing the date without really participating in it… if that makes any sense. Not the first time I’d experienced that, but that’s the best way I can describe it.
She called it a night shortly before 10, as she worked in the city and had an early train to catch. (Note to self: stop scheduling dates when they have to go to work early in the morning.) She unmatched with me on Tinder afterwards, which was too bad because she was so hot and had the type of body I crave. However, I still had her number, but knew better than to reach out. I would have just gotten the standard “I had a nice time, but…” reply. It was clear she wasn’t feeling me, and was probably still hacked off about my cancelation. Obviously, I didn’t redeem myself.
I met the next girl off of Facebook Dating – my first time trying it after a couple of years. I wasn’t impressed with the selection back then, but this time I found one that seemed like she might be my type. We even enjoyed the same types of woodworking hobbies, so that gave us a lot to talk about. We met for lunch at local farmstand that had animals roaming the property. (It was actually the same place I met my ex at, but I didn’t mention that.) It was pleasant enough, but there weren’t any sparks. Conversation was a bit strained after a while and I didn’t get the impression she was into me at all. Neither of us reached out afterwards, and it was onto the next one…
This one was 38 and recently divorced with two kids, so I was a bit hesitant to pursue her. However, we had quite a bit in common. We had the same musical tastes, and had even played with the same local marching band (albeit at different times). We even raised the same animals. And since we’d met on Facebook Dating, we saw that we had a number of mutual friends as well. We met at the local sports bar had a nice chat for almost two hours, standing in the corner the entire time because the place was packed with Rangers fans screaming at the game on TV. All the 20-somethings started filtering in after 10PM, so we took that as our cue to leave. While it was a fun time, I didn’t really feel any connection. She obviously felt the same way, because once again we didn’t talk afterwards.
I’ve grown to dislike Starbucks coffee dates, but I settled for one this time because I wasn’t sure about her. I made sure to get there first and was already seated with my drink by the time she arrived. Let them buy their own damn drink for once, I thought. I was getting burnt out from always picking up the tab, and was looking for some more egalitarianism. That likely didn’t sit well with her, because after she sat down with her own drink, she went on about how she likes “tRaDiTiOnAl VaLuEs.” You know, the type of guy who opens doors for her, pulls out her chair, walks on the right side of the street, etc.
Oh boy. No wonder she fit in so well when she lived down south. She was also a huge country music fan. Huge. Not only that, but she told me she always swiped right on guys with fish pics. Well, that’s a first. But yeah, she loved the idea of hunting. Now, I’m not against hunting for food, but if you just want to shoot animals for fun like she did… that’s a little fucked up to me. Oh, and she had a pit bull. Basically, she was telling me she was a right-winger without telling me she was a right-winger, because she was checking all the boxes. The only thing missing was a plea for a “REAL MAN” on her dating profile, because that’s another dead giveaway.
My suspicions that I wouldn’t be into her were correct. Even though I was only looking for something casual, I just wasn’t feeling her. Nonetheless, we were there chatting until closing. We hugged and parted ways outside, and that was that. Our texting dropped off afterwards, and I let it. And once again, I knew it was coming and she didn’t disappoint. I didn’t even answer, I just deleted her from my phone and moved on:
It was a beautiful summer day, so I proposed a beach date and she accepted. We packed lunches, and she gave me her address so I could pick her up at her house. The beach was busy but not as bad as I expected. We grabbed a spot close to the water, spread out a blanket, and spent the first couple of hours just chatting and basking in the sun. We applied lotion to each other’s backs, and she had very soft hands. Mmm. In fact, we were rather touchy-feely with each other – holding hands, frequently putting an arm around the other, stroking arms and legs, running our fingers through each other’s hair… Later on when we were standing in the surf, I nearly went in for the kiss a few times, but then she mentioned how she was just getting over covid. I didn’t know if I wanted to risk it.
Nonetheless, I was still hoping we’d go back to my place, especially since we were closer to mine than hers. I even invited her back so we could wash the sand and sweat and sunblock off each other. She thought I was being cute and funny, but I was being serious. Just to make sure, I asked “where to?” when we got back in my car. She said home, and I said “yours or mine?” She just laughed and gave me a playful shove. I dropped her off home, and that was that. No invite inside, no sex or fooling around. We texted for a little bit afterwards, and then it petered out. Just as well, because she lived pretty far from me and she didn’t seem to be on the same page with what I was looking for.
This one was a doozy. I suggested checking out the Scottish festival going on that weekend, and she surprised me with a yes. It didn’t seem like her scene at all, but she was glad just to be outside doing something. Then she told me she was thinking of bringing her cat. Oh? That’s… interesting. But I’m totally a cat person so I didn’t mind. I headed out, doing my best not to sweat on the drive over. It was the hottest day of the year, and I was starting to drip even though I was in shorts and a T-shirt. I usually get a bit of nervous sweat on my way to dates, but this time I stuffed napkins into my armpits and put a towel inside the back of my shirt so I wouldn’t be a sopping mess when I arrived.
I met her in the parking lot, and she was standing there with her cat. And not just any cat, but a $3,000 hairless Sphinx cat on a leash that she got from a special breeder. She was wearing a tank top, leggings, boots with heels, heart-shaped sunglasses, and a tiny Gucci purse on a chain. And she appeared to have lip injections as well, which wasn’t really obvious in her photos. She gave off strong California vibes, and indeed she had just moved from there a year prior.
I ended up toting the cat around most of the time, because he wouldn’t walk with the leash and he was too heavy for her to carry. We were a popular attraction, with people stopping to ask questions and take pictures. Then we ran into my sister and niece, just like I did at the last festival. What were the chances… My sister’s eyebrows went to the back of her head when she saw me with yet another new girl, but didn’t say anything.
It was a short encounter, and we continued on. We alternated between walking and sitting every five minutes, as she couldn’t seem to decide which she wanted to do. Then the heat was starting to get to her. She had been drinking heavily the night before, so she was very hungover and starting to feel sick. The longer we were there, the worse she felt and the more she complained. Finally she’d had enough, and I was about to call it a day when she beat me to it.
I walked her back to her car, and that’s when she started hurling. Vomiting and walking at the same time. I followed alongside her, holding her hair in one hand and her cat aloft in the other. We made our way through the parking lot, puking and pantomiming in this weird kabuki dance. She went home to recuperate, and while I told her to feel better and thanked her for coming out, I silently wondered why she did when she clearly wasn’t up to it in the first place. And she wasn’t feeling me either, because she unmatched on Tinder later on. I knew that was coming.
Still more dates to recap… stay tuned.