The more I think about it, the more I’m glad to be shot of Rebecca. I have almost nothing but fond memories of our time together and I’m still glad she was my first, but there are things I definitely won’t miss.
Number one is her jealousy and insecurity. I was getting tired of reassuring her and having to talk her down from the ledge when things were getting too serious for her. I don’t know if she was just blowing smoke up my ass or what, but she always told me I could get any girl I wanted and questioned why I was with her when I could get someone younger and prettier. And she denied it but she was clearly uncomfortable with me having female friends, always asking me how I knew them and why was I talking to them and what was I doing on Facebook so late at night?
That’s another thing I don’t miss – her sleep schedule. I’m a night owl, while she’d be out cold before 10PM and awake at the crack of dawn. Fuck that. She couldn’t do movie nights, and if I didn’t make a move before 9 she’d be too tired and there’d be no sex until morning and I’d lie awake for hours with a raging hard-on. For all her professed horniness, she was one-and-done while I wanted to keep fucking. She’d just look at me like, “what, again?” Uh, yeah. We only had sex a total of 12-15 times during our whole relationship.
Not that I’m complaining, I just thought there’d be more than that, especially in a new relationship. I broke a lot of new ground with her, but it sucks that I didn’t get to explore and experiment more sexually like I wanted to. I still don’t feel like I’m “there” yet. I had some friends around the backyard fire the other day and I was listening to them trading sex stories from the days of old. Yeah, I know it’s not a contest, but I still feel like I’ve missed out on so much. Years and years of experience and I want to try and make up for lost time. At the same time I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, so there’s that.
Nonetheless, I’m still armed with new experience and I can make tweaks to what I’m looking for in a partner. While I’m not looking for a fling or something casual, I’d certainly consider that too. I’m open. But I’m not interested in dealing with those kinds of trust issues again, nor with someone whose sex drive doesn’t match my own, and definitely not someone who gags me with her perfumes and essential oils. Two or three months later and I have sheets and blankets Rebecca slept with that I’m still trying to get the smell out of. Jesus Christ.
I’ve basically cut off all contact with her, but that hasn’t stopped her from messaging me occasionally. I’d just respond with a “lol” or an emoji but she’d persist. Finally I broke down and had a little chat with her recently. We caught up with each other a bit and I learned she was single again. Okay. That’s nice. The new guy she moved onto immediately after I broke up with her? Well, that didn’t last either. Big surprise. She told me that she was going to take a break from dating and just focus on herself, but a week later she was already seeing another new guy. Just like that. Amazing how easy girls have it sometimes.
I’ve also learned to take girls with a pinch of salt when they talk about what they want/don’t want, because it seems they’re rarely honest with you or with themselves – I’m not sure which. But I see this with my female friends and I read it in your blogs. Girls will say, “I don’t want to date right now,” and next thing I see they have a boyfriend. Girls will say, “I’m looking for something serious, I’m done with casual,” and the next night they’re sucking off a guy they met in a bar three hours earlier. Girls will say, “I don’t want kids.” BAM! Pregnant. Girls will say, “I don’t want commitment,” and next thing I see they’re engaged. Like with Rebecca – she said she didn’t want to be exclusive with anyone, but suddenly she did with the guy after me. She also said she didn’t want commitment, but then she didn’t like me talking to other girls. Oh yeah – and she wanted to “take things slow and not rush” and then we fucked on the second date. lolz.
Anyway. Moving on. I’d like to find someone new, but I’ve been busy leading a full life in the meantime. Now I have an actual written list of things to do and places to see, and I’ve crossed many off since my last blog post. I’ve visited Rhode Island, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, and Florida. I went to my first bachelor party and accompanying strip club (spoiler: not a fan). I tried yoga for the first time. I went to my old high school’s homecoming parade and game, just for the hell of it. I got lost in a corn maze and did other fall shit. And most importantly I’ve worked on fostering relations with the opposite sex. Some single, some not.
The first girl I reconnected with I used to work with years ago, and the other week I surprised her by visiting her new bartending gig. We’ve messaged on Facebook but hadn’t seen each other in ages, so she was very excited to see me. She shocked me when she mentioned the new boyfriend, because I thought she was still with the old boyfriend. Apparently there was a window not long ago where she was single. Dammit. That really sucks because I’ve crushed on her for years but she was always unavailable. Guess I should have been paying more attention.
The second one I used to work with as well, and she too had a new bartending gig. I went to see her too. Not as excited to see me as the other girl was, but it was still cool to see a familiar face. Oh, and she’s moving to Puerto Rico now. Of course. And she was actually single. But I learned that she works with my old friend from first grade, so I’ll have to go back when he’s bartending and catch up with him as well. If nothing else I’ve been trying new drinks and discovering cool new places.
Speaking of cool new places, yet another one of my former work colleagues now works at an animal rescue and sanctuary and she invited me to come visit sometime. She promised to introduce me to the residents and I didn’t need much more convincing than that. I went this past weekend and I fell in love with the place. Now I’m considering volunteering there myself. It’s a weekly commitment and the only time I could do it is Sunday morning, which is the same time she’s there. She offered to train me if I went ahead with it. Very tempting.
I had a crush on her too back in the day, but she’s had a boyfriend for the past four years. Although I’m wondering if they’re still together… She has no relationship status listed on Facebook anymore and her last picture with the bf was back in July. Hmm. Maybe she’s single? She did give me her number before I left the farm, saying that it was easier than chatting on Facebook. Even if she’s not single, at the very least I’m cultivating friendships and expanding my social network. I’d finally found success the old fashioned way (aka in real life) so it stands to reason that pursuing that same avenue gives me the best chance of success going forward.
The next girl I knew from high school and we’ve been in touch on and off throughout the years. When I found out that she was finally single – after a nine year relationship – I pounced. But I was a day late and a dollar short. She was already seeing someone new. Damn. Although she’s clearly on the rebound if it’s that soon after the break up. And she’s still living with the ex while she’s shopping for a new house. Woo. That’s not weird or awkward at all. Just as well that I avoid that whole mess.
Who else… there’s Missy, that young girl from dance class. We were on break for the summer but I hadn’t been there since March. I finally went back last week and saw her for the first time in months. We still chat occasionally, but nothing’s come of it yet. I do have a new idea about suggesting we carpool sometime. Dance practice is a good distance away and we happen to live fairly close together. Maybe I’ll run that past her.
In other news, I have a mild obsession with recording numbers and stats. While I’ve sworn off online dating, I couldn’t help going on Bumble to conduct an experiment. I wanted to take note of the ages of the women I attract. I swiped right indiscriminately and within a few weeks I collected 300 matches. This is the breakdown:
As you can see, I’m most popular with women ages 26-32, and especially with 28 year olds. I was surprised to see another (small) spike with 35 year olds, and I even caught the attention of some women in their 40s and above. Very interesting.
Next I decided to record the ages of the women I actually went on dates with during the course of this blog. And the breakdown over that 2-2.5 year period is as follows:
So, a rather similar progression and spike. Back then I went on the most dates with 26-29 year olds. Again, very interesting. That’s why I like to take notes about these things. And while I’m on the subject, I continue to collect new blog followers and I’m over 102,500 total views now. Thank you to all who read and I hope you’ll stay tuned for further adventures. And for those of you who follow my other blog, I promise to update that one as well before the weekend is out. It’s been a while.