Doldrums

It’s been a few weeks since Rebecca and I broke up, and by and large I feel… nothing. Strange, I expected the one who took my virginity to have left a bigger impression.  I guess I wasn’t as into her as I thought I was.  Of course, she didn’t waste any time moving on, which probably contributes to my lack of feeling.  I just found out that she’s been seeing another guy since almost immediately after I ended things with her.  Makes me wonder when he came into the picture…

Perhaps it’s best not to know the details, but I can speculate.  And so much for all her jazz about not wanting to be exclusive and not wanting to get distracted from her career… I guess that was just a fancy way of saying she wasn’t interested anymore. Well, if she was trying to get me to dump her then mission accomplished.  Now I’m the wiser for it.  Next time I’ll know that I’m just being fed a story.

I’m more than ready to move on myself, but not with online dating.  I’m done with that scene for now.  In the end I had more luck making a real-life connection (even if it took a little push from Meetup).  Of course, that didn’t stop me from giving OKC a quick gander.  I sent out a message or two and made contact with a girl who told me she had left the convent.  Oh?  Assuming she was the real deal, then she could be a freak – maybe even a nymphomaniac.  This demanded further investigation.

Within 2-3 messages she gave me her number and told me to call her.  I figured she literally meant “call” but she was surprised when I did instead of texting.  At least I earned points for that.  Unfortunately she turned out to be a chatterbox.  Ugh.  I’ve dealt with several of these by now.  While I like their energy, I find it aggravating to have to compete for airtime. No bueno.  Good listening skills are a must, so add that to my list of things I’m looking for.

Yet for reasons unknown I still set up a date with her.  I guess I was still thinking she might be a sexual deviant.  We set a time and place for the weekend, but then she called me the night before to cancel.  She claimed she had some weird allergic reaction and wanted to temporarily put a hold on dating.  Yeah yeah yeah.  I’ve heard this script a dozen times from girls who’ve “fallen ill” at the last minute and wanted to reschedule.  I never heard from them again, and Sister Act was no different.

***

In other news, one of my friends invited me on a pizza outing recently and I jumped all over it.  He had me at pizza, but I knew there might be girls there too.  But there was only one and she had a boyfriend, along with a whole host of issues that she was in therapy for.  Worse yet, she was another chatterbox.  Just running at the mouth like verbal diarrhea.  She monopolized the next two hours, spending half of it going on and on about her friend Shelly who manipulates and uses people and causes drama.

For the life of me I’ll never understand people who wallow in this… this shit, instead of just cutting it out of their lives.  When I was out to dinner with Rebecca a couple of months ago I overheard one of the waitresses complaining how her boyfriend doesn’t want her working all the time and he’s always telling her what to do and what an asshole he is, etc.  On and on and on to her co-worker while they cleaned the tables.  I on the verge of turning around and going, “THEN WHY ARE  YOU WITH HIM?”  Jesus.  It just boggles my mind how girls waste so much of their time with people who don’t deserve it.  Maybe there are guys that do it too, I don’t know.

Anyway.  We eventually moved things out to the parking lot where the conversational imbalance finally evened out a bit.  Chatterbox was still going strong and when she mentioned her sister I jokingly asked if she was single and hot.  Yes to both, actually.  Oh yeah?  I whipped out my phone and looked her up on Facebook and she was indeed hot.  Hmm.  Long story short I friended her and we’ve been talking on and off.  She’s fresh off a breakup herself, though.  And I don’t feel we have much in common.  But she’s not the only girl I’m talking to at the moment.  There’s also Missy, the young girl from my dance class I mentioned several months ago.

Aside from that I haven’t really pursued dating much.  I’m mostly doing my own thing.  My business continues to grow.  I have a couple of trips planned, one to Florida and another to California.  I recently spent a weekend upstate for an Irish festival and I’ve been preparing for my grand return to the open mic circuit.  Last but not least, I’m still hitting the gym at least three times a week with my friend, continuing my progress towards buff and sexy.  That’s what I’ve been up to and I’m very happy with how things are going in my life.  I’m not concerned about finding another girl.  It’ll happen when it’s meant to.

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Restart

Well… that was fun while it lasted.  Things got off to a great start with Rebecca, but her trust issues, jealousy and insecurities got in the way.  She was afraid of getting hurt again, and to be fair she did warn me at the outset that she would try to sabotage things.  But I was confident that once she got to know me she would relax and let her walls down.  And for the most part she did.  I did my best to be patient and caring and understanding.  I had to coax her down from the ledge a few times, but then we’d talk some more and things would be fine.

Eventually it got to a point where things just weren’t working anymore.  It was getting too serious for her and she wanted to back off.  At least that’s what she said.  With girls there always seems to be more to the story.  In any case, she said she didn’t want to be exclusive.  Well, I did.  And if she wanted to see other people then that meant she wasn’t 100 percent into me.  So I broke things off.

It was an amicable split.  I have no regrets.  When things were good, they were great.  I’m glad she was my first, and it was a great first adult relationship.  I have fond memories of our time together.  She wasn’t able to give me what I wanted in the end, but being with her went a long way towards helping me figure out what I truly do want.  Now that losing my virginity is out of the way, I can be more picky.

For starters, I’m going to steer away from anyone with trust issues.  That’s something I generally did anyway, and my experience with Rebecca solidified this desire.  I have no interest in having to explain or defend myself, or feel like I’m under a cloud of suspicion, which is what started happening near the end.  Having to watch what I say or do is a non-starter for me, and that’s another reason why I broke things off.

Secondly, I’d rather date younger than older.  Rebecca was several years older and she confirmed that the older you get, the more baggage you carry.  (At least I lucked out that she was never married and had no kids.)  I also need someone who can keep up with me sexually.  Losing my virginity did a lot to calm my libido, but even with my diminshed sex drive I still wanted it more than she did.  And she went to bed at 9:30 or 10, so if I didn’t get a move on early enough she would simply be too tired to do anything.  Ugh.   Plus she rarely took the initiative, which was frustrating.

Fnally, when I started going out with Rebecca I knew that I wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend and not just a casual thing.  I’m still open to something casual, but either way it has to be exclusive.  And I need someone who’s not afraid to put a label on things like she was.  You have to know what you want.

So that’s my big update.  Looks like I’ll be posting my continuing adventures after all.  As far as the blog title goes, perhaps I should change it.  Thoughts, anyone?

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Success

Sorry for the delay, folks.  June is a notoriously busy month for me and I’ve been busy… *ahem* in other ways as well.

Picking up where I left off…

As I said, Rebecca and I continued talking throughout the week, and the following weekend she came to my place.  I took her for another nature walk, we made out in the bamboo forest, went to dinner (Italian) and then it was back to my place to watch a movie and play a board game… but you all know how that usually turns out.

Sitting on my couch talking led to sitting on my couch making out, then to sitting on my bed making out.  Some clothes were shed.  Our hands roamed all over each other’s bodies for the longest time, just taking it all in.  Then she started to blow me.  It wasn’t at all what I expected it to feel like.  It felt really good but weirdly different at the same time.  After a few minutes of that I couldn’t wait any longer.  I told her I wanted to be inside her.  She grinned at me and said, “finally… I’ve wanted you inside me all night!”

She dropped her panties, I rolled on a condom, and then she mounted me.  We went at it like rabbits, trying out a few different positions.  We ended with missionary and I nearly pounded her into the wall.  Then we just lay there until 3AM, naked in each other arms and keeping our breathing in sync.  Next morning she told me her vagina was a little sore but very happy.  Good deal.  I had gotten her off at least a couple of times during the night.

The next night she wanted to see me again.  We went out to eat, sat on the beach in the darkness, and then headed back to her place.  We tried watching another movie but we were only five minutes into it before she said, “Let’s go to my bedroom.”  This time the clothes came off even faster and I made it all about her.  I fingered her, licked her, pinned her down and flipped her around, and massaged and grinded her until she had orgasm after orgasm. The best part was when I spanked her.  I went from grabbing her ass cheeks to lightly swatting each one in turn.  Then I started smacking her harder and harder until her flesh rippled, gently massaging with my hand in between each slap. She bit and scratched me and made a great deal of noise and completely soaked me when all was said and done.  Afterwards she basically passed out and we slept until 6 AM.

A week later I told her I was a virgin.

I had to.  The thing was, I was having performance problems.  Trouble cumming or just staying hard.  After a lifetime of porn and masturbation, I was struggling to adapt to new stimuli.  I was so used to my own hand. Not to mention my dick was suffering from a bit of stage fright.  I didn’t want her to think there was something wrong with her, so I finally fessed up.  On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most shocked, she registered a 7 at the news.

Things became much easier after that.  I also ditched the porn and masturbation and saved myself for her.  It was almost a couple of weeks before we saw each other again, due to work schedules and then both of us going out of town at the same time.  Finally we were back in each other arms again.  She came back to my place.  We started watching yet another movie but we both fell asleep.

Sexy time came in the morning.  Touching led to caressing which led to articles of clothing dropping off one by one.  She climbed on top of me and started rocking back and forth, rubbing her pussy against me.  We had prior discussions and this time we went condom free since the proper precautions were in place.  It was unbelievably hot and wet inside her.  I lasted only five minutes before I exploded. No wank can ever prepare you for that feeling.  It was amazing.  And messy.  I didn’t realize how messy sex was.  When you cum inside someone it all just kinda runs back out.  She had to wrap herself in a towel before she got back into bed with me.

We went for round two later in the day, and that was all I could manage.  She had to get going, and I didn’t have any strength left.  It took me until midway through the next day before I fully recovered.  But ever since we’ve been having sex any chance we can, including on one of our lunch breaks.  I came three times in an hour and I was barely able to stand after that.  Of course, I always make sure she’s satisfied as well.  And then the following weekend we went at it until I was physically drained.  The last orgasm I had with her was the most intense yet and I was shaking all over afterwards.

Anyway.  So that’s how I lost my virginity.  I got off to a slow start with mixed results, but now I’m on a roll.  It wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it would be.  It wasn’t life-changing and I didn’t feel like a brand-new person afterwards.  The first time wasn’t nerve-wracking or awkward.  Maybe a tiny bit awkward, but that went away with practice.  If anything it was a bit surreal.  A sense of, “Wow, am I really/finally doing this…?”

One change I’ve noticed is that my libido has calmed down quite a bit.  Ironic.  I thought finally having sex would send me into overdrive, but finally understanding the mystery has taken the edge off for me.  Perhaps it’ll go crazy over time, but for now I’m experiencing a new-found and much welcomed peace and calmness.

In the meantime we appear to be an item.  We talk every day and see each other whenever we can.  I don’t know how this will all end, but so far so good.  I’m very happy being with her and it’s such a pleasure waking up next to her in the morning.

In the end, it was worth all the struggle, frustration and heartbreak.  I feel like it happened at the right time and with the right person, and I’m glad I didn’t do it “just to get it over with.”  Sometimes the old cliche is true – it really does happen when you least expect it or when you’re not looking.  I just had to date three dozen girls before I found her.  I know some of you are struggling with your own virginity and/or just trying to find that someone special.  I urge all of you not to give up, no matter your age or circumstances.  Maybe take a little break and spend some time finding yourself first will help, like it did with me.  You can find success too.

Now the question is what to do with this blog.  I’m going to leave it up for all past, present and future readers.  I’ll continue to check in and may post the occasional update, but by and large my journey is over.  Feel free to leave comments, and please check out my other blog.  I’ve been slacking off with it but I’ll be posting more vigorously and very soon:  https://descentintodadness.wordpress.com/

 

THE FINAL TALLY:

First dates:  37
Second dates:  5
Third dates:  3
Cancellations:  9
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 3

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Her

This is the story of how I met her.

I’ve been on Meetup.com for a couple of years.  I joined a bunch of groups and received regular email updates, but I’ve scarcely put in more effort than that.  But as I’ve said, I’m determined to get out and do more things and meet new people this year.  So I took a second, more serious look.  There was a hiking group that intrigued me and I went to one of their excursions a few weeks ago.

It was my first ever Meetup.

There were half a dozen of us and I was the only guy who happened to show at this particular hike.  The odds were in my favor, but looking for a girlfriend was the furthest thing from my mind that day.  As a result, I was totally and unabashedly myself.  I kept the group entertained with my wisecracks and anecdotes.

Rebecca liked my jokes.  I thought she was cute when I first met her, but at some point during the hike we  clicked.  It was just one of those things.  Now I know what people mean when they say that.  When we came to a grove of dogwoods I plucked a flower off one of the trees and gave it to her.

“Here, this is for you,” I said, presenting it to her like the cornball I am.  She couldn’t stop grinning and stuck it into the strap of her backpack, where it remained for the rest of the hike.  We stuck together for the last mile, asking each other questions and sharing stories.

Later that day she sent me a message through Meetup telling me how much she enjoyed meeting me on the hike.  I had noticed she had posted a couple of pics on the Meetup page, so I asked if she had taken any more?  I was fishing for contact information.  Turns out  I didn’t have to try too hard.  She said she took a bunch of pictures, and if I gave her my number then she would send them to me.

I was in.

By the next day we were Facebook friends.  By the next night we were swapping flirty and sexy messages.  By the next weekend we were going on our first date.

We live some distance apart, so I drove out to her area and we went to the wildlife preserve.  Once we checked out the birds we set off on one of the trails. I took her by the hand.  We found a bench by the water and I suggested we sit.   After a few minutes of talking I pulled her in for a kiss.  We made out for a while.  It was perfect.  I remembered her saying she liked ass grabs, and she nearly straddled me after I grabbed both cheeks.  Unfortunately we had to stop when we heard other people approaching.

It started to rain right after that and we had to hustle out of the park.  We went out for burgers (my kind of girl).  Then we went to see The Jungle Book, but we saw very little of the movie as we were too busy groping and fondling each other. That was the first time I ever did dinner and a movie for a date.  It was also the first time I gave a girl an orgasm.

When we started watching the movie, she had her legs crossed and my hand was resting on her thigh.  As the lights went down I pried her legs apart.  I ran my hand along the inside of her leg, back and forth, going further and further until I was brushing against her crotch.  Eventually my hand made its way down the front of her pants and I started massaging her.  I’d rub for a little bit, then stop and just rest my hand there as she writhed about in her seat trying to muffle her cries.  Finally I kept going without stopping, going harder and faster until she came.

“Oh, fuck…” she whispered, nearly rolling over the armrest into my lap.  She grabbed my arm and bit down on my shoulder, nearly putting a hole in my shirt in the process.

After the movie we drove down and parked by the inlet.  We sat there watching the water and talking for about two hours before  calling it a night.  We’d been together for over eight hours and neither one of us wanted the day to end.  But she wanted to take it slow and not rush things.  She wanted to try, at least.

I was really attracted to her.  She was a no-frills, no makeup, what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of girl.  Simple tastes and easily amused like myself.  We both valued nature, fitness, and keeping it real.  We had the same kind of spirit, energy and sense of humor.  We just got and understood each other.  Things were comfortable from the start.  Everything felt right and natural.  Maybe it was because we were both the same sign (our birthdays are ten days apart).  I don’t really set stock by that sort of thing, but it’s always fun to think about.

We kept talking throughout the week and we went out again the following weekend.  This time she came to my area.

And things got a little steamier.

 

First dates:  37
Second dates:  4
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  9
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 3

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Beginnings

True to my word, I’ve been taking a break and focusing on other things for the time being.  First up was the local traditional music orchestra.  They meet once a month to rehearse.  I didn’t get in touch with the contact person until after the February practice.   I couldn’t make March because it conflicted with my St. Patrick’s Day commitments.  Then April was canceled.  And then I couldn’t make May because it was the same day as my nephew’s First Communion.  Now I can’t make June because I’ll be out of town visiting my brother that weekend.  Always something.  But I’ll make it there eventually.  In the meantime I’ve obtained the book of music and I’ve been familiarizing mysef with the tunes.  I’m also planning on hitting the open mic circuit again over the summer.

Next up was the gym.  I’d been considering joining one for some time.  While my job and my dancing keep me in relatively good shape and I’ve been doing some workouts at home, I wanted to get serious with it and one of my friends volunteered to be my gym buddy.  It took us a couple of weeks before we finally got started, but we’re now going three times a week and both of us already feel a huge difference in our lives.  He says it’s even helped him drastically cut down on his smoking and drinking.  I’ve also noticed a nice change in my body.  Turns out I respond well to serious weightlifting.

Work is in full swing now and I’m busy prospecting to expand my customer base.  I dumped my far-flung (and most annoying) customers this year, and not only am I working to replace them but to add more on top of that.  So far I’ve picked up two new ones.  Good stuff.  I still have more leisure time than I had planned on so I’ve been using it to go on hikes and explore parks and preserves that have been on my to-do list for a long time.

In the middle of all of this I actually landed another first date.  I had left my OKC profile up just in case, and sure enough some girl came across it and sent me a message.  She found me interesting and I was intrigued by her as well.  If she wanted to meet me then I wasn’t going to turn her down.  However I met her for brunch and found I just wasn’t that into her.  I didn’t feel we had much in common after all.  When she asked me afterwards if I wanted to go somewhere else, I said I had to meet up with a friend who was visiting from out of town (which I did).  We made tentative plans for the next weekend, but I never followed up and neither did she.

And there’s another reason why I didn’t get back to her…

Because without planning on it, without expecting it, without trying to…

I met someone.

First dates:  36
Second dates:  4
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  9
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 3

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Nope

I was so keyed up Saturday night that it took me forever to fall asleep.  Sunday afternoon I sent The Singer a text saying, “I had an especially nice time last night.  How was choir practice this morning?”  Then I put my phone down and went merrily about my business.  However as the minutes turned to hours I started feeling anxious.  Something is wrong…I thought.  She often took a while to respond to messages, but I thought I could expect quicker responses after what seemed a fantastic second date.

Still, I bit my tongue and didn’t send any more texts.  I waited.  And waited.

Finally the response came this morning:

IMG_3986

My worst fears were confirmed.  And I was stunned.  What the fuck…?  Seriously?  After several minutes I blinked away my confusion and replied:  “Wow… okay.  Totally not what I expected to hear. Obviously we came away with different impressions after the other night.  I don’t know what to say except good luck to you too then.”

I just don’t get it.  She seemed really into me.  Especially when we kissed.  Did I really misread things that badly?   I’ve been replaying the second date in my head, trying to remember if I possibly did something to turn her off.  Nothing comes to mind.  Except… maybe it was the kiss that did her in?  I’ve only ever heard good reviews  from the few girls I’ve kissed.  Maybe they didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but I know one of them certainly would have told me if I was bad at it.  Or maybe I wasn’t bad at it, but my kissing simply didn’t set off any fireworks for The Singer?

I ran my theory past one of my female friends, and she asked me if I used tongue?  I thought tongue was a bit much for a first kiss.  Perhaps if we had made out longer than a couple of minutes we would have graduated to tongue.  She insisted that I should have, otherwise kissing without tongue is without passion and tantamount to a friendly peck.  I’ve never heard that you should use tongue on a first kiss.  Now I’ve been surveying my other female friends to get their opinions.  So far I’ve gotten:

“Depends on the situation but typically yes”
“No, and if it turns into a full blown makeout session, only very little tongue”
“Let the woman lead a bit on that.  See how her body language is”

Interesting.  It’s something I’ve never considered before, but I’d be curious to hear your opinions.  Could something like that make or break a second date?  What other reasons would a girl not want to go on a third date?

***

While  I was waiting to hear back from The Singer, I went on another first date Sunday night.  Another OKC find.  We exchanged a couple of messages, had a half-hour phone conversation, and we set a date.  She thought we had a lot in common and I thought so too.  However, after our date I realized we didn’t have much in common apart from starting in the same career and a shared desire to remain child-free.  The first hour went well.  She went for a second round of drinks (I paid for the first and she paid for the second) and her body language was encouraging.  We were sitting facing each other on our bar stools, legs practically touching, but by the second hour I noticed there was more distance between us.  She had pulled back.  The conversational well was also running dry, so after two and a half hours I suggested calling it a night.  She seemed ready to go.

We hugged outside on the sidewalk, told each other “nice meeting you!” and said good night.  Then we went our separate ways.  I said nothing about getting together again. While I had something in mind for a possible second date, neither one of us really seemed to be feeling things and I don’t know what else we could talk about.

Finally, I had planned to see The Comedian again, but if you remember I was decidedly lukewarm about her after the first date.  I was going to give her a second look, but our texting fell off by mid-week and then she cancelled for Sunday afternoon.  Just as well.  I’m not going to pursue it any further.

And just like that, I’m all the way back to square one.

First dates:  35
Second dates:  4
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  9
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 3

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Kiss

It’s been ages since I’ve had a second date, but I went on one tonight with The Singer and I dare say it went pretty well.  The original plan was to go to the carnival, but the shitty weather put the kibosh on that.  We ended up going bowling instead.  There was an hour-long wait for a lane so we went into the bar area and had a couple of beers in the meantime.

We found a relatively quiet corner and had a nice conversation.  I found out that not only does she like Harry Potter, but she’s a Star Wars and Titanic buff too.  Score!  She’s very easy to talk to, and the huge mug of beer I had helped as well.  We also delved a little deeper this time, broaching the subjects of religion and politics and the cosmos.  We were pretty much on the same wavelength there too.  She took a lively interest in what I was saying and I was eager to learn more about her in return.

They finally called our names and we went out and bowled a couple of games.  She picked up the tab for those since I bought beers this time and dinner last time.  I appreciated the gesture.  After every good frame (of which there weren’t many) I’d bust out a spin or moonwalk or some other dance move, much to her amusement.  When we were done bowling we sat there chit-chatting for a bit before calling it a night.  She had choir practice in the morning and it was getting late.  I also didn’t want to overdo things.

I walked her to her car.  At this point my heart was throwing itself against my ribs.  We’d been texting all week and things got a little flirty the day before.  I was determined to kiss her before we parted ways.  I think she might have wanted me to kiss her after our first date, and I wasn’t going to make the mistake of not doing so this time.  Second date – shit or get off the pot.

We stood by her car making idle chit chat and it was clear she was lingering, so it was now or never.  I said good night and we hugged.  We pulled back a bit, and then I lowered my arms to around her waist and pulled her back in.  She realized I was going in for the kiss and she closed her eyes and tilted her face to meet mine.

As soon as I saw her do that I mentally shouted YES! YES! YES!  Then we connected.  It felt great.  Totally natural and not awkward in the slightest.  I let my hands roam around a bit, running them up and down her back, along her sides, and then reaching up and grabbing the back of her neck.  She pulled me closer against her, and when I put my hand on her neck she grabbed the back of my head and pulled me even closer.  We made out like that for at least a couple of minutes before finally coming up for air.  She opened her eyes slowly and let out a little giggle as she looked me, and then she put her head on my shoulder and just held onto me for a bit.

I said good night again and told her what a nice time I had, and she told me I’m a lot of fun to be with.  Then I said I’d be in touch very soon, gave her one last peck and floated over to my car.  I drove home in a happy little daze.  And now the big question is how to proceed from here.  I’m quickly approaching uncharted territory.  I have to figure out my next move and not screw this up.  I seem to be doing pretty well so far, though.  I’ve been cool and chill and patient, and I haven’t done or said anything weird or stupid.

Oh yeah – and I think she likes me.

 

First dates:  34
Second dates:  4
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  9
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 3

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