Ghost

I was stood up again tonight.  I’d have to go back and look at my date counter to make sure, but this is the fourth or fifth time it’s happened.  Those were all OKC girls; this one was from Tinder.  We’d been trying to set up a date for a couple of weeks, but things kept getting in the way.  Once Thanksgiving was over we were finally able to schedule something.

I confirmed with her the day of to make sure that we were still on.  She said yes, definitely, and that she was excitedly looking forward to it.  Cool beans.  However, we were supposed to meet at 5:30 and I was alone.  Fifteen minutes later and there was still no sign or sound from her.  She didn’t respond to my texted inquiries, and after 20 minutes I shrugged and made myself comfortable inside.

The best part was that I had zero fucks to give.  In the past I pulled my hair out in frustration whenever girls pulled this nonsense.  Now I couldn’t care less.  It just rolls right off my back.  Better yet, I got to cross another item off my to-do list tonight.  Our first date was to be at a burger joint.  We had a mutual love of burgers (not a vegan chick – yes!) and I selected a place I’d always wanted to go to.  That ensured I’d have a good time either way.

And I had a good time indeed chowing down on a double burger.  Between that and the soda and fries it ran me 16 bucks, but it was pretty filling.  The only downside was that it was greasy as hell, soaking right through the bun.  That explained why they had not napkins but paper towel dispensers at the tables.  Don’t know if I’ll be going back there.

I crossed another item off my list over the weekend.  My family and I went into the city to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular.  I’d never seen it before, and it was spectacular indeed.  Wow.  I kinda want to go see it again now.  And I definitely want to go back into the city.  There’s a lot of cool stuff there I want to check out.  You know you’re from Long Island when you live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world and hardly ever visit.

So now I’m making another list of shit to do, just in NYC.  Skating in Central Park (or Bryant Park, since I saw they have a rink there too), Carnegie Deli before they close for good, see the tree in Rockefeller Center, see Grand Central Station, maybe even see the Tonight Show…and a few others I can’t think of at the moment.  But let’s see how many I can accomplish before the year’s end.  And there’s something else I may be going into the city for in a couple of weeks, which involves another blogger.  I’ll keep you posted on that.

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Icebreaker

So… I went on my first date in five months.

In my last post I was indiscriminately swiping right on Bumble (and then Tinder) just to see who I matched with.  Then I starting swiping just for girls I was actually interested in.  This time I engaged them in conversation – or tried to.  Talking to most of them was like talking to the wall.  One word/one sentence answers, and nothing asked about myself in return.  I deleted each one and moved onto the next.

I finally managed to get something of a rapport going with this one girl, and we set up a game of chess for a first date.  All right, something different.  However, I had a funny feeling so I started the countdown.  Right on cue, she canceled the day before claiming she forgot she was supposed to help her sister move.  Yeah, okay.  I just said “no problem, let me know when is good for you.”  I didn’t expect to hear back (since I never do) and I was right.  And I don’t even care anymore when they flake out.  Losing my virginity has enhanced my IDGAF abilities.

#38
Then I chatted up another girl.  We went on yet another goddamn coffee date.  I’d sworn those off, but this time I thought it was a good idea to start small before investing in something more involved.    Good call.  Things got off to a slow start and ended up feeling forced and awkward.  It seemed like we were both just prodding the conversation along, and after an hour she called it a night.  She was actually yawning prior to that.  Either she was really tired or I was really boring, or both.

Outside I gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek and said it was nice to meet her.  Then we said good night and parted ways. I said nothing about getting together again, nor did I follow up with her afterwards.  I already knew what I would hear – the usual “oh I had a nice time and you’re a funny/interesting guy but I just don’t feel any sort of connection etc etc.”  So that was that.  But it was nice to get back in the game, even if I’m feeling a bit rusty.  I’m not really putting effort into online dating anymore, nor am I taking it very seriously.

Some of you have asked me “what are you looking for?” and I’d always struggled to answer that question.  How was I supposed to know when I had so little experience to draw upon?  And I’d always thought it unfair for some girls to reject me when they’d barely gotten to know me.  But now I get it.  The way things felt and flowed with Rebecca is my new benchmark going forward.  So if I do go on another online date, it won’t be unless I’m really feeling things.

Otherwise I’m busy doing my own thing and getting out in the real world.  I recently spent an hour on Meetup joining a slew of new groups and I went on my second outing last weekend.  It was another hike and we had over 20 people, but the vast majority were in their 40s and 50s. There were a couple of girls around my age in attendance, but one of them showed up with her boyfriend and another guy had already swooped in on the other by the time I arrived.

I watched with the tiniest tinge of jealousy as they exchanged phone numbers afterwards.  Not because I was attracted to her, but it was just the very idea.  I’ve always marveled at how dating and relating comes so easy to some people.  Some can date a different person every week, or every night of the week if they wanted, and they have no shortage of options.  They go from one to relationship to the next as easy as breathing.  How do they do it?  And how can I get there?   Not that I want to go through a revolving door of girls, but how do I achieve that same ease of attraction?  It’s something I’m still figuring out as I go along.

Some of you are frustrated virgins as I once was, trying to figure out your own way forward.  The best thing for you to do right now is to just work on yourself.  That can be as simple as picking up a new hobby or cultivating an existing one.  Good skills give you social currency.  Girls like confidence… except maybe you don’t feel confident.  But if you can find confidence simply in doing something well – whatever it may be – then that’s just as beneficial.  It’s why I devote so much time to my music and dancing and other pursuits.  At the very least, your hobbies will give you shit to talk about, especially if you find someone who shares your passions.  So if you don’t know where to start, that’s a good place.

A good analogy for me is this: say you want to develop your abs…  Now, you can spend an inordinate amount of time concentrating on your midsection, doing hundreds of crunches trying to spot reduce your belly fat.  Or you can work your whole body, targeting the major muscle groups with compound exercises.  If you do that and concentrate on your diet, then your abs will almost take care of themselves.  So if you’re struggling on dates or to even get dates, take a step back and date yourself for a while.  It’s an indirect way of achieving the same end.

Apart from my renewed Meetup activities I’ve also started volunteering at the animal sanctuary, the one my old friend is at.  We started super early at 7:30 AM.  On Sunday.  Ugh.  Kill me.  But we were the first two there and I was glad for the chance to talk to her alone as we fed and watered the alpacas and turkeys.  Then our conversation was interrupted by a father/daughter duo who showed up to volunteer as well, and will be joining us every weekend.  Of course.  Not that it really matters, because I’m pretty sure she’s still with the boyfriend.  And even if she’s not, she’s militantly vegan and our lifestyles would clash horribly.  But I’m there to spend time with the animals more than anything else.

Later that same day Vegan Girl posted some animal pics to my Facebook, and as always my friend Don was right there commenting on her post and asking her questions.  Every time a girl leaves me a comment, or vice versa, he sees it in his news feed and he jumps right in with his two cents, stepping all over my dick in the process.  It’s annoying as shit.  I’m afraid the time has come to block him, especially now that he’s mining my friend list for more girls to add. He already has a thousand as it is.

In a way, I almost have to give him credit – even if he did hit on my sister Mary (who’s ten years older and looked at him as if he were a bug).  He leaves absolutely no stone unturned, but I guess he has to when he’s the weirdest and most socially awkward person ever.  I stopped dining out with him because last time he was staring creepily at random girls and blowing straw wrappers at them.  He actually thought he was being flirty.  *facepalm*  (Another bit of advice for you virgins: don’t be like Don.)  Yet somehow he finally managed to lose his virginity too.  And get this – he did it a full two years before I did.  How in the fuck.  I’m still trying to process that.

So that’s the round up.  I’ve also made up a list of things to do and places to see, which has now grown to two pages.  So far I’ve crossed off a good number of items.  Most of it is just fun silly shit, but I consider them accomplishments nonetheless.  I’ll detail them all when I do my end of year post.

 

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Stats

The more I think about it, the more I’m glad to be shot of Rebecca.  I have almost nothing but fond memories of our time together and I’m still glad she was my first, but there are things I definitely won’t miss.

Number one is her jealousy and insecurity.  I was getting tired of reassuring her and having to talk her down from the ledge when things were getting too serious for her.  I don’t know if she was just blowing smoke up my ass or what, but she always told me I could get any girl I wanted and questioned why I was with her when I could get someone younger and prettier.  And she denied it but she was clearly uncomfortable with me having female friends, always asking me how I knew them and why was I talking to them and what was I doing on Facebook so late at night?

That’s another thing I don’t miss – her sleep schedule.  I’m a night owl, while she’d be out cold before 10PM and awake at the crack of dawn.  Fuck that.  She couldn’t do movie nights, and if I didn’t make a move before 9 she’d be too tired and there’d be no sex until morning and I’d lie awake for hours with a raging hard-on.  For all her professed horniness, she was one-and-done while I wanted to keep fucking.  She’d just look at me like, “what, again?”  Uh, yeah.  We only had sex a total of 12-15 times during our whole relationship.

Not that I’m complaining, I just thought there’d be more than that, especially in a new relationship.  I broke a lot of new ground with her, but it sucks that I didn’t get to explore and experiment more sexually like I wanted to.   I still don’t feel like I’m “there” yet.  I had some friends around the backyard fire the other day and I was listening to them trading sex stories from the days of old.  Yeah, I know it’s not a contest, but I still feel like I’ve missed out on so much.  Years and years of experience and I want to try and make up for lost time.  At the same time I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, so there’s that.

Nonetheless, I’m still armed with new experience and I can make tweaks to what I’m looking for in a partner.  While I’m not looking for a fling or something casual, I’d certainly consider that too.  I’m open.  But I’m not interested in dealing with those kinds of trust issues again, nor with someone whose sex drive doesn’t match my own, and definitely not someone who gags me with her perfumes and essential oils.  Two or three months later and I have sheets and blankets Rebecca slept with that I’m still trying to get the smell out of.  Jesus Christ.

I’ve basically cut off all contact with her, but that hasn’t stopped her from messaging me occasionally.  I’d just respond with a “lol” or an emoji but she’d persist.  Finally I broke down and had a little chat with her recently. We caught up with each other a bit and I learned she was single again.  Okay.  That’s nice.  The new guy she moved onto immediately after I broke up with her?  Well, that didn’t last either.  Big surprise.  She told me that she was going to take a break from dating and just focus on herself, but a week later she was already seeing another new guy.  Just like that.  Amazing how easy girls have it sometimes.

I’ve also learned to take girls with a pinch of salt when they talk about what they want/don’t want, because it seems they’re not completely honest with you or with themselves – I’m not sure which.  But I see this with my female friends and I read it in your blogs.   Girls will say, “I don’t want to date right now,” and next thing I see they have a boyfriend.  Girls will say, “I’m looking for something serious, I’m done with casual,” and the next night they’re sucking off a guy they met in a bar three hours earlier.  Girls will say, “I don’t want kids.”  BAM!  Pregnant.  Girls will say, “I don’t want commitment,” and next thing I see they’re engaged.  Like with Rebecca – she said she didn’t want to be exclusive with anyone, but suddenly she did with the guy after me.  She also said she didn’t want commitment, but then she didn’t like me talking to other girls.  Oh yeah – and she wanted to “take things slow and not rush” and then we fucked on the second date.  lolz.  Just something to keep in mind.

Anyway.  Moving on.  I’d like to find someone new, but I’ve been busy leading a full life in the meantime.  Now I have an actual written list of things to do and places to see, and I’ve crossed many off since my last blog post.  I’ve visited Rhode Island, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, and Florida.  I went to my first bachelor party and accompanying strip club (spoiler: not a fan).  I tried yoga for the first time.  I went to my old high school’s homecoming parade and game, just for the hell of it.  I got lost in a corn maze and did other fall shit.  And most importantly I’ve worked on fostering relations with the opposite sex.  Some single, some not.

The first girl I reconnected with I used to work with years ago, and the other week I surprised her by visiting her new bartending gig.  We’ve messaged on Facebook but hadn’t seen each other in ages, so she was very excited to see me.  She shocked me when she mentioned the new boyfriend, because I thought she was still with the old boyfriend.  Apparently there was a window not long ago where she was single.  Dammit.  That really sucks because I’ve crushed on her for years but she was always unavailable.  Guess I should have been paying more attention.

The second one I used to work with as well, and she too had a new bartending gig.  I went to see her too.  Not as excited to see me as the other girl was, but it was still cool to see a familiar face.  Oh, and she’s moving to Puerto Rico now.  Of course.  And she was actually single.  But I learned that she works with my old friend from first grade, so I’ll have to go back when he’s bartending and catch up with him as well.  If nothing else I’ve been trying new drinks and discovering cool new places.

Speaking of cool new places, yet another one of my former work colleagues now works at an animal rescue and sanctuary and she invited me to come visit sometime.  She promised to introduce me to the residents and I didn’t need much more convincing than that.  I went this past weekend and I fell in love with the place.  Now I’m considering volunteering there myself.  It’s a weekly commitment and the only time I could do it is Sunday morning, which is the same time she’s there.  She offered to train me if I went ahead with it.  Very tempting.

I had a crush on her too back in the day, but she’s had a boyfriend for the past four years.  Although I’m wondering if they’re still together…  She has no relationship status listed on Facebook anymore and her last picture with the bf was back in July.  Hmm.  Maybe she’s single?  She did give me her number before I left the farm, saying that it was easier than chatting on Facebook.  Even if she’s not single, at the very least I’m cultivating friendships and expanding my social network.  I’d finally found success the old fashioned way (aka in real life) so it stands to reason that pursuing that same avenue gives me the best chance of success going forward.

The next girl I knew from high school and we’ve been in touch on and off throughout the years.  When I found out that she was finally single – after a nine year relationship – I pounced.  But I was a day late and a dollar short.  She was already seeing someone new.  Damn.  Although she’s clearly on the rebound if it’s that soon after the break up.  And she’s still living with the ex while she’s shopping for a new house.  Woo.  That’s not weird or awkward at all.  Just as well that I avoid that whole mess.

Who else… there’s Missy, that young girl from dance class.  We were on break for the summer but I hadn’t been there since March.  I finally went back  last week and saw her for the first time in months.  We still chat occasionally, but nothing’s come of it yet.  I do have a new idea about suggesting we carpool sometime.  Dance practice is a good distance away and we happen to live fairly close together. Maybe I’ll run that past her.

***

In other news, I have a mild obsession with recording numbers and stats.  While I’ve sworn off online dating, I couldn’t help going on Bumble to conduct an experiment. I wanted to take note of the ages of the women I attract.  I swiped right indiscriminately and within a few weeks I collected 300 matches.  This is the breakdown:

18    1
19   1
20   1
21    2
22    5
23    9
24    12
25    13
26    31
27    29
28    36
29    25
30    30
31    23
32    20
33    14
34    9
35    15
36    5
37   3
38    4
39
40   1
41   1
42    1
43    3
44
45
46
47    3
48
49  
1
50
51
52  
2

As you can see, I’m most popular with women ages 26-32, and especially with 28 year olds.  I was surprised to see another (small) spike with 35 year olds, and I even caught the attention of some women in their 40s and above.  Very interesting.

Next I decided to record the ages of the women I actually went on dates with during the course of this blog.  And the breakdown over that 2-2.5  year period is as follows:

18   1
19   1
20  2
21   2
22
23   2
24  3
25  1
26  6
27  3
28  5
29  6
30  2
31  1
32  1
~~~~
39  1

So, a rather similar progression and spike.  Back then I went on the most dates with 26-29 year olds.  Again, very interesting.  That’s why I like to take notes about these things.  And while I’m on the subject, I continue to collect new blog followers and I’m over 102,500 total views now.  Thank you to all who read and I hope you’ll stay tuned for further adventures.  And for those of you who follow my other blog, I promise to update that one as well before the weekend is out.  It’s been a while.

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Doldrums

It’s been a few weeks since Rebecca and I broke up, and by and large I feel… nothing. Strange, I expected the one who took my virginity to have left a bigger impression.  I guess I wasn’t as into her as I thought I was.  Of course, she didn’t waste any time moving on, which probably contributes to my lack of feeling.  I just found out that she’s been seeing another guy since almost immediately after I ended things with her.  Makes me wonder when he came into the picture…

Perhaps it’s best not to know the details, but I can speculate.  And so much for all her jazz about not wanting to be exclusive and not wanting to get distracted from her career… I guess that was just a fancy way of saying she wasn’t interested anymore. Well, if she was trying to get me to dump her then mission accomplished.  Now I’m the wiser for it.  Next time I’ll know that I’m just being fed a story.

I’m more than ready to move on myself, but not with online dating.  I’m done with that scene for now.  In the end I had more luck making a real-life connection (even if it took a little push from Meetup).  Of course, that didn’t stop me from giving OKC a quick gander.  I sent out a message or two and made contact with a girl who told me she had left the convent.  Oh?  Assuming she was the real deal, then she could be a freak – maybe even a nymphomaniac.  This demanded further investigation.

Within 2-3 messages she gave me her number and told me to call her.  I figured she literally meant “call” but she was surprised when I did instead of texting.  At least I earned points for that.  Unfortunately she turned out to be a chatterbox.  Ugh.  I’ve dealt with several of these by now.  While I like their energy, I find it aggravating to have to compete for airtime. No bueno.  Good listening skills are a must, so add that to my list of things I’m looking for.

Yet for reasons unknown I still set up a date with her.  I guess I was still thinking she might be a sexual deviant.  We set a time and place for the weekend, but then she called me the night before to cancel.  She claimed she had some weird allergic reaction and wanted to temporarily put a hold on dating.  Yeah yeah yeah.  I’ve heard this script a dozen times from girls who’ve “fallen ill” at the last minute and wanted to reschedule.  I never heard from them again, and Sister Act was no different.

***

In other news, my friend Don invited me on a pizza outing recently and I jumped all over it.  He had me at pizza, but I knew there might be girls there too.  But there was only one and she had a boyfriend, along with a whole host of issues that she was in therapy for.  Worse yet, she was another chatterbox.  Just running at the mouth like verbal diarrhea.  She monopolized the next two hours, spending half of it going on and on about her friend Shelly who manipulates and uses people and causes drama.  I was on the verge of finally telling her to shut it but one of the other guys beat me to it.

For the life of me I’ll never understand why so many girls wallow in this… this shit, instead of just cutting it out of their lives.  When I was out to dinner with Rebecca a couple of months ago I overheard one of the waitresses complaining how her boyfriend doesn’t want her working all the time and he’s always telling her what to do and what an asshole he is, etc.  Going on and on and on to her co-worker while they cleaned the tables.  I was on the verge of turning around and going, “THEN WHY ARE  YOU WITH HIM?”  Jesus.  It just boggles my mind how girls waste so much of their time with people who don’t deserve it.  Maybe there are guys that do it too, I don’t know.

Anyway.  We eventually moved things out to the parking lot where the conversational imbalance finally evened out a bit.  Chatterbox was still going strong and when she mentioned her sister I jokingly asked if she was single and hot.  Yes to both, actually.  Oh yeah?  I whipped out my phone and looked her up on Facebook and she was indeed hot.  Hmm.  Long story short I friended her and we’ve been talking on and off.  She’s fresh off a breakup herself, though.  And I don’t feel we have much in common.  But she’s not the only girl I’m talking to at the moment.  There’s also Missy, the young girl from my dance class I mentioned several months ago.

Aside from that I haven’t really pursued dating much.  I’m mostly doing my own thing.  My business continues to grow.  I have a couple of trips planned, one to Florida and another to California.  I recently spent a weekend upstate for an Irish festival and I’ve been preparing for my grand return to the open mic circuit.  Last but not least, I’m still hitting the gym at least three times a week with my friend, continuing my progress towards buff and sexy.  That’s what I’ve been up to and I’m very happy with how things are going in my life.  I’m not concerned about finding another girl.  It’ll happen when it’s meant to.

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Restart

Well… that was fun while it lasted.  Things got off to a great start with Rebecca, but her trust issues, jealousy and insecurities got in the way.  She was afraid of getting hurt again, and to be fair she did warn me at the outset that she would try to sabotage things.  But I was confident that once she got to know me she would relax and let her walls down.  And for the most part she did.  I did my best to be patient and caring and understanding.  I had to coax her down from the ledge a few times, but then we’d talk some more and things would be fine.

Eventually it got to a point where things just weren’t working anymore.  It was getting too serious for her and she wanted to back off.  At least that’s what she said.  With girls there always seems to be more to the story.  In any case, she said she didn’t want to be exclusive.  Well, I did.  And if she wanted to see other people then that meant she wasn’t 100 percent into me.  So I broke things off.

It was an amicable split.  I have no regrets.  When things were good, they were great.  I’m glad she was my first, and it was a great first adult relationship.  I have fond memories of our time together.  She wasn’t able to give me what I wanted in the end, but being with her went a long way towards helping me figure out what I truly do want.  Now that losing my virginity is out of the way, I can be more picky.

For starters, I’m going to steer away from anyone with trust issues.  That’s something I generally did anyway, and my experience with Rebecca solidified this desire.  I have no interest in having to explain or defend myself, or feel like I’m under a cloud of suspicion, which is what started happening near the end.  Having to watch what I say or do is a non-starter for me, and that’s another reason why I broke things off.

Secondly, I’d rather date younger than older.  Rebecca was several years older and she confirmed that the older you get, the more baggage you carry.  (At least I lucked out that she was never married and had no kids.)  I also need someone who can keep up with me sexually.  Losing my virginity did a lot to calm my libido, but even with my diminshed sex drive I still wanted it more than she did.  And she went to bed at 9:30 or 10, so if I didn’t get a move on early enough she would simply be too tired to do anything.  Ugh.   Plus she rarely took the initiative, which was frustrating.

Fnally, when I started going out with Rebecca I knew that I wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend and not just a casual thing.  I’m still open to something casual, but either way it has to be exclusive.  And I need someone who’s not afraid to put a label on things like she was.  You have to know what you want.

So that’s my big update.  Looks like I’ll be posting my continuing adventures after all.  As far as the blog title goes, perhaps I should change it.  Thoughts, anyone?

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Success

Sorry for the delay, folks.  June is a notoriously busy month for me and I’ve been busy… *ahem* in other ways as well.

Picking up where I left off…

As I said, Rebecca and I continued talking throughout the week, and the following weekend she came to my place.  I took her for another nature walk, we made out in the bamboo forest, went to dinner (Italian) and then it was back to my place to watch a movie and play a board game… but you all know how that usually turns out.

Sitting on my couch talking led to sitting on my couch making out, then to sitting on my bed making out.  Some clothes were shed.  I sat her up so I could pull her shirt off, and she laughed and went, “what are you doing?”

“What do you think?” I said slyly.  She didn’t offer any more resistance as I pulled her shirt over her head and flung it aside.  Now she was in her bra and pants, and I removed those shortly afterwards.  Now we were both in our underwear.  I knew this was it.  It was going to happen.  Our hands roamed all over each other’s bodies for the longest time, just taking it all in.

Her breasts looked like they were straining to be free of her bra, so I decided to help out. I knew she wouldn’t stop me.  One of the hooks came undone easily, but the other was stuck and I was having  a hard time with it.  We both laughed about it, but I finally got it off and there they were… big, magnificent breasts hanging right in my face.  Mmm.  Fuck yeah.  I kissed and caressed them and sucked on her nipples and basically went to town.

Then she pulled my shorts off and started to blow me.  It wasn’t at all what I expected it to feel like.  It felt warm and wet and really good but weirdly different at the same time.  I wasn’t used to that kind of stimulation and it wasn’t doing a lot for me, but I still enjoyed the sensation.   After a few minutes of that I couldn’t wait any longer.  I told her I wanted to be inside her.  She grinned at me and said, “finally… I’ve wanted you inside me all night!”

She dropped her panties, I deftly rolled on a condom, and then she mounted me.  I couldn’t feel much with the condom on, which kinda sucked, but I was inside her!  I did it!  We went at it like rabbits, trying out a few different positions.  We ended with missionary and I nearly pounded her into the wall.  Then we just lay there until 3AM, naked in each other arms and keeping our breathing in sync.  Eventually we drifted off to sleep.  The next morning she told me her vagina was a little sore but very happy.  Good deal.  I had gotten her off at least a couple of times during the night.

The next night she wanted to see me again.  We went out to eat, sat on the beach in the darkness, and then headed back to her place.  We tried watching another movie but we were only five minutes into it before she said, “Let’s go to my bedroom.”  This time the clothes came off even faster and I made it all about her.  I fingered her, licked her, pinned her down and flipped her around, and massaged and grinded her until she had orgasm after orgasm. The best part was when I spanked her.  I went from grabbing her ass cheeks to lightly swatting each one in turn.  Then I started smacking her harder and harder until her flesh rippled, gently massaging with my hand in between each slap. She bit and scratched me and made a great deal of noise and completely soaked me when all was said and done.  Afterwards she basically passed out and we slept until 6 AM.

A week later I told her I was a virgin.

I had to.  The thing was, I was having performance problems.  Trouble cumming or just staying hard.  I couldn’t get off that first night with her, so things didn’t last very long.  After a lifetime of porn and masturbation, I was struggling to adapt to new stimuli.  I was so used to my own hand. Not to mention my dick was suffering from a bit of stage fright.  I didn’t want her to think there was something wrong with her, so I finally fessed up.  I had to.  On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most shocked, she registered a 7 at the news.

Things became much easier after that.  Even though I had lost my virginity by that point, I was still stressed out that I hadn’t told her and that in itself was just making things worse.  I also ditched the porn and masturbation and saved myself for her.  It was almost a couple of weeks before we saw each other again, due to work schedules and then both of us going out of town at the same time.  Finally we were back in each other arms again.  She came back to my place.  We started watching yet another movie but we both fell asleep.

Sexy time came in the morning.  Touching led to caressing which led to articles of clothing dropping off one by one.  She climbed on top of me and started rocking back and forth, rubbing her pussy against me.  We had prior discussions about safety and this time we went condom free since the proper precautions were in place.  It was unbelievably hot and wet inside her.  So THAT was what it felt like… I lasted only five minutes before I exploded. No wank can ever prepare you for that feeling.  It was amazing.  And messy.  I didn’t realize how messy sex was.  When you cum inside someone it all just kinda runs back out.  She had to wrap herself in a towel before she got back into bed with me.  I was in a blissful daze.

We went for round two later in the day, and that was all I could manage.  She had to get going, and I didn’t have any strength left.  It took me until midway through the next day before I fully recovered.  But ever since we’ve been having sex any chance we can, including on one of our lunch breaks.  I came three times in an hour and I was barely able to stand after that.  Of course, I always make sure she’s satisfied as well.  And then the following weekend we went at it until I was physically drained.  The last orgasm I had with her was the most intense yet and I was shaking all over afterwards.

Anyway.  So that’s how I lost my virginity.  I got off to a slow start with mixed results, but now I’m on a roll.  It wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it would be.  It wasn’t life-changing and I didn’t feel like a brand-new person afterwards.  The first time wasn’t nerve-wracking or awkward.  Maybe a tiny bit awkward, but that went away with practice.  If anything it was a bit surreal.  A sense of, “Wow, am I really/finally doing this…?”

One change I’ve noticed is that my libido has calmed down quite a bit.  Ironic.  I thought finally having sex would send me into overdrive, but finally understanding the mystery has taken the edge off for me.  Perhaps it’ll go crazy over time, but for now I’m experiencing a new-found and much welcomed peace and calmness.

In the meantime we appear to be an item.  We talk every day and see each other whenever our schedules permit.  I don’t know how this will all end, but so far so good.  I’m very happy being with her and it’s such a pleasure waking up next to her in the morning.

In the end, it was worth all the struggle, frustration and heartbreak.  I feel like it happened at the right time and with the right person, and I’m glad I didn’t do it “just to get it over with.”  Sometimes the old cliche is true – it really does happen when you least expect it or when you’re not looking.  I just had to date three dozen girls before I found her.  I know some of you are struggling with your own virginity and/or just trying to find that someone special.  I urge all of you not to give up, no matter your age or circumstances.  Maybe take a little break and spend some time finding yourself first will help, like it did with me.  You can find success too.

Now the question is what to do with this blog.  I’m going to leave it up for all past, present and future readers.  I’ll continue to check in and may post the occasional update, but for the most part my journey is over.  Feel free to leave comments, and please check out my other blog.  I’ve been slacking off with it but I’ll be posting more vigorously and very soon:  https://descentintodadness.wordpress.com/

 

THE FINAL TALLY:

First dates:  37
Second dates:  5
Third dates:  3
Cancellations:  9
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 3

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Her

This is the story of how I met her.

I’ve been on Meetup.com for a couple of years.  I joined a bunch of groups and received regular email updates, but I’ve scarcely put in more effort than that.  But as I’ve said, I’m determined to get out and do more things and meet new people this year.  So I took a second, more serious look.  There was a hiking group that intrigued me and I went to one of their excursions a few weeks ago.

It was my first ever Meetup.

There were half a dozen of us and I was the only guy who happened to show at this particular hike.  The odds were in my favor, but looking for a girlfriend was the furthest thing from my mind that day.  As a result, I was totally and unabashedly myself.  I kept the group entertained with my wisecracks and anecdotes.

Rebecca liked my jokes.  I thought she was cute when I first met her, but at some point during the hike we  clicked.  It was just one of those things.  Now I know what people mean when they say that.  When we came to a grove of dogwoods I plucked a flower off one of the trees and gave it to her.

“Here, this is for you,” I said, presenting it to her like the cornball I am.  She couldn’t stop grinning and stuck it into the strap of her backpack, where it remained for the rest of the hike.  We stuck together for the last mile, asking each other questions and sharing stories.

Later that day she sent me a message through Meetup telling me how much she enjoyed meeting me on the hike.  I had noticed she had posted a couple of pics on the Meetup page, so I asked if she had taken any more?  I was fishing for contact information.  Turns out  I didn’t have to try too hard.  She said she took a bunch of pictures, and if I gave her my number then she would send them to me.

I was in.

By the next day we were Facebook friends.  By the next night we were swapping flirty and sexy messages.  By the next weekend we were going on our first date.

We live some distance apart, so I drove out to her area and we went to the wildlife preserve.  Once we checked out the birds we set off on one of the trails. I took her by the hand.  We found a bench by the water and I suggested we sit.   After a few minutes of talking I pulled her in for a kiss.  We made out for a while.  It was perfect.  I remembered her saying she liked ass grabs, and she nearly straddled me after I grabbed both cheeks.  Unfortunately we had to stop when we heard other people approaching.

It started to rain right after that and we had to hustle out of the park.  We went out for burgers (my kind of girl).  Then we went to see The Jungle Book, but we saw very little of the movie as we were too busy groping and fondling each other. That was the first time I ever did dinner and a movie for a date.  It was also the first time I gave a girl an orgasm.

When we started watching the movie, she had her legs crossed and my hand was resting on her thigh.  As the lights went down I pried her legs apart.  I ran my hand along the inside of her leg, back and forth, going further and further until I was brushing against her crotch.  Eventually my hand made its way down the front of her pants and I started massaging her.  I’d rub for a little bit, then stop and just rest my hand there as she writhed about in her seat trying to muffle her cries.  Finally I kept going without stopping, going harder and faster until she came.

“Oh, fuck…” she whispered, nearly rolling over the armrest into my lap.  She grabbed my arm and bit down on my shoulder, nearly putting a hole in my shirt in the process.

After the movie we drove down and parked by the inlet.  We sat there watching the water and talking for about two hours before  calling it a night.  We’d been together for over eight hours and neither one of us wanted the day to end.  But she wanted to take it slow and not rush things.  She wanted to try, at least.

I was really attracted to her.  She was a no-frills, no makeup, what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of girl.  Simple tastes and easily amused like myself.  We both valued nature, fitness, and keeping it real.  We had the same kind of spirit, energy and sense of humor.  We just got and understood each other.  Things were comfortable from the start.  Everything felt right and natural.  Maybe it was because we were both the same sign (our birthdays are ten days apart).  I don’t really set stock by that sort of thing, but it’s always fun to think about.

We kept talking throughout the week and we went out again the following weekend.  This time she came to my area.

And things got a little steamier.

 

First dates:  37
Second dates:  4
Third dates:  2
Cancellations:  9
Stood up:  2
First kisses: 3

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